Welcome to the Raw Review. This will be a play-by-play, with a pinch of colour, recap of the show, so enjoy!
Rey Mysterio starts off Raw as we kick off with the #1 contender's match for the Tag Team Championships. Glad to see Mysterio is better after his stomach virus. Sin Cara is out next. Do these guys have a name? Mystico? Myscara? Sisterio? J.R. is on commentary with Cole, by the way. Good!
Team Rhodes Scholars are out next. They've been my pick to win this tournament from the get-go, and I have no doubt they will win this.
Sin Cara and Rhodes start off with a tie-up. Rhodes forces Cara in the corner but Cara fights back with chops. Cara, whipped off the ropes, goes for a springboard elbow Tajiri-style but Rhodes ducks - Cara lands on his feet and hits a hurricanrana. Rey tagged in. Nice double team from Myscara and a cover for 2. Elbows by Rey but Rhodes fights back with an uppercut to the chin. Sandow in next who goes for a back suplex, but Rey rolls over. Elbows by Rey and a hurricanrana sets Sandow up on the middle rope. Rhodes pushes Sandow off but gets a suicide dive from Sin Cara. Mysterio hits Sandow with a seated senton on the outside as Team Hell No look on from backstage. Rey back in the ring with Sandow dangling on the middle rope. Sin Cara tags in who hits a springboard moonsault. That was rather pretty. 2 count from that moonsault. Cara takes it to Sandow in the turnbuckle. He gets whipped opposite corner and goes for a Cross Body but eats canvas. Sandow covers for 2 and tags in Rhodes. Rhodes hits a stalling vertical suplex with another cover for 2. Cara tries to tag Rey but Rhodes blocks him and tags in Sandow. Sandow aggressively digs his shoulder into Cara's gut. Quick tag as Rhodes comes back in with stomps to the gut. Cara tries to go for Rey but again Rhodes blocks him and tags Sandow in. Good tag team work from Team Rhodes Scholars. Suplex from Sandow, followed by an unguarded knee to the chin. Sandow takes a bow to nice heat before he tags Rhodes back in. Rhodes with a strikes to Cara in the corner. Cara tries to fight back but Rhodes puts him down, then taunts Rey. Sin Cara with a headbutt to the gut of Rhodes followed by a step-up Enziguri as we go for the first ad break.
We're back with Rhodes in control of Cara, hitting a scoop slam followed by a knee drop. Tag to Sandow who targets the mid-section of Cara. Sandow hits his Russian Leg Sweep followed by the Elbow of Disdain for a count that was broken up by Rey-rey. Rhodes in who puts Cara up on the turnbuckle. Cara fights out of it and shoves Rhodes off before hitting a Tornado DDT. Rey gets fired up on the apron as he awaits the hot tag. In comes Mysterio who hits a seated senton on Rhodes. He then knocks Sandow off and hits a headscissors on Rhodes. Drop toe hold sends Cody face-first on the second turnbuckle. Hardy Moonsaults by Rey gets a 2 count. Rey sets Team Scholars up for the 619, which he connects on both. Missile Splash by Rey on Rhodes for the 1, 2.. NO! Sandow gets in the way of the ref to stop the pinfall. Cara hits an Enziguri on Sandow, who rolls out to the ring. With Mysterio distracted, Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the 1, 2, 3.
Winners and #1 contenders for the Tag Team Championships: Team Rhodes Scholars
Post-match, Team Hell No appear on the Titantron, with Kane congratulating Cody, and Bryan congratulating Damien.
Kane: But the question is, whether or not you'll win the Tag Team Championship
Bryan and Kane: Hell, No!
Kane: However, in honour of your victory, I'd like to perform a little magic. Now you see him (Kane grabs Bryan by the beard and pulls him behind him) now you don't.
*Bryan tries to come to the foreground again as Kane lights his pyro in the ring*
Team Rhodes Scholars look worried as we hit ad break #2
I've never seen Ryder's youtube show, but apparently it's ending or something. They went to Egypt, which is what they're letting us know. Fantastic.
New Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston is out now, with Miz on commentary. Kingston is against former Nexus member and resident jobber Michael McGuillicutty (sp?). Kingston is clearly winning this. I'm going to call McGuillitilgityicutty Perfect because of his father, and that name is stupid. Perfect is aggressive in the early goings with strikes and knees to Kingston. Kingston fights back with chops but eats a knee to the gut. Perfect with chops of his own in the corner and a Back Breaker for a 2 count. Headlock by Perfect as Miz talks about why he has to fight Ryback later tonight, and that in 6 days he will get his title back. I wouldn't count on that, Mike. Kingston fights out of the Headlock with punches but again gets put down by Perfect. Seems that Perfect is getting a lot of control in thi- oh, nevermind. Trouble in Paradise sees this match end rather abruptly. I was just starting to get into it.
Winner: Kofi Kingston
Miz tells Kingston from the announce booth to keep the title warm for him, as his reign is going to be very, very short. Ad break 3 after a quick recap of the contract signing last week.
I hate those 'Did You Know?' things. No, I didn't know. Do you know that nobody cares? Huh?! HUH?!
The New York Giants are in the crowd, apparently. I don't even know what sport they play. John Cena is out now. Quick bit of pandering as he mentions the New York Giants being there. Crowd boo that.
JC: And right next door the home of next year's Wrestlemania! And on top of that, this sunday the WWE proudly presents to you on PPV; Hell in the Cell. This Sunday is not just a normal PPV, because this sunday, the WWE Universe will finally find out that CM Punk... the WWE Universe will find out what a few people in this very crowd will know, is that CM Punk is a man that tells the truth. CM Punk has been WWE Champion for 337 days. (crowd cheer) But the most truthful thing CM Punk has ever said was right before he became WWE Champion. CM Punk was a visionary, and his vision was change. And this Sunday, at Hell in the Cell, after 337 days we... see.. change. Change, six-foot-three. Change, is 291l pounds and when change steps into this ring all he can hear over and over again is FEED. ME. MORE. FEED. ME. MORE. FEED. ME. MORE. (crowd chant FMM) Ryback is not an individual who will come out here and talk about an unreachable brass ring. Ryback is not a man who will comes out here complaining about some political conspiracy theory and Ryback sure as hell will not come out here and promise you a revolutionary Monday Night Raw and ice cream bars to boot. Ryback stands for one thing. That is destruction, and this Sunday, the FACE of the WWE will CHANGE.
Enter Punk, with Heyman.
Punk does a jig as he comes out, chuckling to himself. Heyman proudly lifts the title up as Punk surveys the crowd, arms folded.
Punk: Let me start out by saying that I'm not surprised that you, John, would come out here and say something nice about the football Giants. That's so typical of you, you really just wanna endear yourself with these - I suppose I'm s'posed to come out here now and let everyone know the truth that the Giants suck. But that's not what I'm gonna do. I'm actually a huge Giants fan. But they're the Giants from San Fransisco (I don't get that). Anyway you want change? That's laughable, pal. I've been WWE Champion for 337 and counting. Which means you haven't been champion for a lot longer than that. That, ladies and gentlemen, is change you can count on. I've done everything I promised that I would do, and then some. I am the best in the world. Not you, not the Giants, not Ryback. So you can come out and you can speak for Ryback all you want. You can promise he's gonna hurt me, yo ucan promise all sorts of- some bodily harm he's gonna do to me inside Hell in a Cell. You can promise destruction and you can promise change. That's fine, but everbody here knows that when CM Punk makes a promise, he means it. And I promise that I will walk out of Hell in a Cell STILL your WWE Champion. I do like your new role here in the WWE though John, being Ryback's cheerleader. It fits you so wel. To me it means one thing, you finally realise something I've known all along. It's that you can't beat me.
JC: I wanted to come out here and let the WWE Universe know how excited I was for this Sunday's WWE PPV. Allow me to take a second and talk about myself. It's not that I can't beat you, it's that I wasn't allowed to beat you. So news as far as it goes to me, yours truly is now officially medically clear. You already have a PPV Championship match set up and I'm not going to mess with that. But I'd like to mess up your face right here right now.
Punk: Yeah you and how many of your little Giants, huh?!
JC: No hey you, you keep your championship for sunday against ryback, you're going to need it. You come down here right now and I'll give you a pre-ass whipping to the real ass-whipping.
CM Punk makes his way to the ring as Heyman screams at him not to. Heyman is great.
Heyman: Don't do this! Punk! Don't do this! You are the WWE Champion! You've got Ryback on Sunday! You don't fight for free! You don't fight for free!
Finally Punk, who had made his way to the apron, hops back down and is handed his Championship, as he holds it up high while backing away. Heyman continues to tell him he doesn't fight for free, and that his decision is was smart. Ad break 4.
We're back with Justin Gabriel vs Antonio Cesaro. I see Cesaro winning this, as he goes to the outside to grab a mic. He says some stuff in a language. Swiss, I guess? No translation this time.
As Cesaro puts the mic back and turns round, Gabriel jumps on him over the top rope and rolls him in the ring. Cesaro slingshots Gabriel on the top rope and stomps him down. Uppercut from Cesaro followed by another uppercut to the back of the head. Gut Wrench Slam by Cesaro followed by a double stomp on Gabriel. Chin Lock by Cesaro as he shouts stuff to someone. Gabriel makes his way back up to a vertical base and hits elbows to Cesaro. Cesaro responds by picking him up and dumping him gut-first on the top turnbuckle, followed by his running knee. Is that a boring chant? Some people. 2 count by Cesaro and back into the Chin Lock. Gabriel again fights out but Cesaro whips him into the corner and charges. Gabriel gets his legs up so Cesaro eats Gabriel's boot. Gabriel comes out of the corner but Cesaro sends him crashing neck first into the turnbuckle. Ouch. That was awesome, Gabriel flips up and hits with elbow strikes, then an elbow to the throat. Gabriel goes up for the 450 splash but Cesaro crotches him. Cesaro goes for a Superplex but Gabriel fights out. Two chops send Cesaro down but Cesaro is back up with punches, knocking Gabriel to the apron. Gabriel hits a jumping Enziguri on Cesaro, sending him crashing to the mat. Gabriel hits the 450 splash for the 1, 2.. 3?! Big upset win for Gabriel. Good for him. Hopefully this'll go somewhere, although why couldn't they do this a few weeks ago and actually build toward the PPV? Y'know, make people care about it? Nevermind.
Winner: Justin Gabriel#
A limo pulls up as Mr. McMahon comes out, followed by AJ, who doesn't look happy. Ad break 5. We're back with McMahon and AJ making their way to the ring. Uh.. dunno if this happened to anyone else but Sky Sports went black, then the WWE '13 ad thing came up, and another ad break. What? WHAT?! Fucking ad breaks. Oh, that lasted like 10 seconds. We're back. What's going on?
Vince McMahon: Earlier today AJ Lee met with the WWE Board of Directors for several hours, and the subject matter of that meeting was AJ's tenure as the general manager of monday night raw. So here to tell you the reults of that meeting in her own words, AJ.
AJ: Because of allegations of my fratenising with a superstar on the roster, I'm hereby resigning as the general manager of raw. (some cheers, followed by a no chant) I just wanna say that these allegations are completely false. But I understand that I could have been fired a long time ago. I could've been fired when I attacked Vickie or when I attacked Paul Heyman. Or for a lot of the decisions I've made that have been deemed unfair, and that's fine, so when I was asked to resign, I agreed. And I know that some of my decisions may have been unorthodox. Some people may consider me mentally unstable, but I just, I think some people like a crazy chick (crowd, mostly men, start chanting yes) And I know that this is coming to an end a little sooner than I wanted it to but, I've come so far from where I was before. I grew up 15 minutes from here (cheer), and I don't know if you guys know my story but, I grew up with nothing. I've lived in cars, and I've lived in motels and I've gone from - I've gone from being homeless to being the boss. And I thought I was always gonna be a little poor girl who never made it, who never made anything out of her life, and you guys accepted me. So I just wanna thank you guys for a=every second, because I've loved every second of this job. And I wanna thank you Vince, for giving me an opportunity, that no one else would've ever given me. Thank you.
AJ and Vince hug in the ring.
Paul Heyman: I'm sure, that I speak for everybody here this evening, when I tell you, that I was unaware of AJ's touching life story. I mean, think about the one in a billion chance, of a homeless girl rising up to the prominence of becoming the general manager of the longest running episodic show in the history of television. AJ rose above her lack of intelligence. AJ rose above her lack of education. AJ rose above her lack of class. AJ rose above the fact that she was born and bred a Jersey girl. No offence, but business is business. And in the name of business, there needs to be a new general manager here on Monday Night Raw. And I understand Mr McMahon, as the board has the name someone immediately, and you as the chairman should sign off on this choice and you need someone with class. You need someone with education., You need someone with dignity You need someone, when the time is right, to demonstrate ruthless aggression. And I know that you and I have butted heads, and how wrong I've been in the past and even recently with you. But I wanna let you know, sir, that I humbly suggest to you and the board of directors, that if you need me to step in, the next general manager of Monday Night Raw, should be Paul Heyman.
Vince McMahon pauses for a bit before slowly walking to Paul E. and simply saying No.
Vince McMahon: Allow me to introduce this person that is not the general manager, not the Interim general manager. This peron is the managing supervisor of Monday Night Raw. Vickie Guerrero.
Oh God. OH GOD. Please, no. PLEASE. She was great with her time with Edge, but it's so stale. Excuse me annoys me for all the wrong reasons. I don't wanna love to hate her, I want her to go away, or just go to the background.
Vickie: First of all (booo), I - I just wanna thank the WWE board of directors, for giving me this opportunity EXCUSE ME. I am so touched that the board values my expertise.
Paul Heyman: Excuse ME (cheer). Ms. Guerrero. Now that you're in a position of power, it's time for you to make your first decision. And I suggest to you that that first decision should be a momentous decision. Y'know if I knew you were in the running I never would've pitched myself to Vince Mc Mahon or the Board of Directors because I would've given you my vote of confidence. Which is why, if I may, Vickie, I suggest that you undo the damage that Vince McMahon did, when he gave CM Punk, your reigning defending WWE Champion and best in the world, an option at Hell in a Cell and stripped CM Punk of that option and forced him into Hell in a Cell against Ryback. Because Ryback is not just a challenger. Ryback is a Punk-eating carnivore. And you -
Vickie: Mr. Heyman! Excuse me.But since I am in charge your client, CM Punk will face Ryback at Hell in a Cell.
Paul Heyman: That's a horrible decision!
Vickie: Oh wait! Wait! I have some more good news for you, because I'm going to show you and everyone else here tonight, that i'm gonna do things better and bigger than Booker T on Smackdown! Tonight's main event will be champion vs champion, CM Punk vs Sheamus.
Paul Heyman: You can't do that!
Vickie: Watch me. Because wheat i'm gonna do next you're not gonna like either. Tonight's main event will be the largest lumberjack match in the history of Monday Night Raw.
Paul E. is beside himself as he storms off, shouting. He's awesome. "I LOVE YOU PAUL E.!" Haha, brilliant.
Vickie: Tsk, tsk, tsk AJ. I knew this all along, that you were not right for this job. Your immaturity and your little girl dress clothes, is not for a woman authority. Because I am a woman who is mature, wise and I have the experience to run Monday Night Raw. That is why, the directors believe in me to be the managing, no wait, soon to be, the general manager. And these allegations, hold on, wait! Do you know what the allegations are? Let's hear the allegations. Your allegations are not only fratenising, they're not only fratenising with the talent. You had an affair! And you disgust me. So I need you to go backstage, and pack up all your Barbies and your little dolls, and you need to get out, cause since this is my ring now, you need to leave.
AJ walks away and gets to the ropes before stopping. She smiles briefly before turning round and jumping Vickie, much to the delight of the crowd. They brawl for quite a bit actually before Vickie buggers off. AJ laughs to herself and skips up the ramp as we go to ad break 6 (I think).
Ryback makes his way out now, for his match against Miz. Miz comes out, slowly, as he is not looking forward to facing Ryback. Miz calls the ref over and looks to be trying to get out of the match. Ryback takes him in the ring the hard way. The ref seperate both men to make sure Miz is ready, who takes his shirt off. Now he's ready! Goldberg chant starts up as Ryback stalks Miz around the ring. Miz tries to run past Ryback but Ryback catches him and throws him awkwardly threw the ropes. Ryback follows Miz out the ring and invites him to try to run away. Miz goes back into the ring and attempts to give Ryback a boot. Ryback catches Miz's foot and shoves him down. Miz in the corner fights back with a kick and punch then runs into and onto Ryback's shoulders for a Pumphandle Slam, but Miz fights out of it. Ryback puts Miz down with a big boot and slams the back of his head against the mat. Ryback sets up for the Meat Hook Clothesline but Miz dodges. Miz then runs into Ryback who knocks him down. Miz ties Ryback up on the top rope, and goes to the top rope. Ryback encourages him to jump off, which he does, straight into Ryback's arms and into a Spinebuster. Ryback starts the Feed Me More chant, which the crowd obliges as he winds up the Meat Hook Clothesline, which he hits this time. Finish Him taunt as Ryback gets Miz up for Shell Shocked. 1, 2, 3 and goodnight Miz.
It's probably just me, but from what I've seen so far, the graphics for WWE 13 do not seem particularly impressive. They actually look quite poor. I'll get the game anyway, of course. Ad break 7.
Eve is shown backstage bitching about AJ as Kaitlyn walks up:
Kaitlyn: And who are you to throw stones?
Eve: What are you talking about?
Kaitlyn: Well you wanna talk about AJ being unprofessional. At least she never arranged for someone to be attacked from behind.
Eve: Kailtyn, is this still about who attacked you at Night of Champions? I told you I had nothing to do with that.
Kaitlyn: You're full of it, Eve. Y'know, remember the blond wig we found, the one you had Aksana attack me in? I saw the e-mail.
Kailtyn: I saw the e-mail.
Eve: Look I don't know what you thought you saw...
Kaitlyn: I took a picture of your ipad.
Eve goes to grab the phone with the picture on it
Kaitlyn: I guess you shouldn't have just left it, lying around.
Eve: You went through my ipad? You cannot go through my things, I am gonna go to Booker with this, I don't know what you thought you saw, this is a huge misunderstanding.
Kaitlyn: Drop the little nice girl act. You're still the same conniving, witch that you've always been.
Eve takes her glasses off and gives a ridiculously hard slap to Kailtyn. They brawl. Layla comes in to break it up and ask Kailtyn what's wrong. Eve shoves Layla who asks her are you serious? before it turns into a three-way brawl. Refs come to break it up.
Josh Matthews is backstage somewhere with one of those squeezey dolls of Sheamus.
Josh: This is a Brawlin' Buddy and later tonight my guest at this time will certainly be brawling in the largest lumberjack match in the history of mnr, please welcome the WHC champion, sheamus.
Sheamus: How's it going Josh, how are ya?
Josh: here's your brawlin' buddy
Sheamus: Ah the old brawlin' biddy I see, these things are great (squeeze) hahaha just like the real thing. Just do me a favour would ya, just keep it outta the sun, it burns really easy.
Josh: Sheamus in all seriousness though, how are you feeling about having to face CM Punk in this largest lumberjack match in the history of Monday night raw later tonight?
Sheamus: Y'know Josh, if there's anything I love better than a WWE Champion vs World Heavyweight Championship match - it's that type of caliber match, where 30 fellas on the outside of the ring, chaos breaking out at any time, anarchy about to happen! See that's what I love, I lvoe the unpredictability.
Josh: See it's the chaos though that I wanna talk about considering the fact that you have to face the big show this sunday, with your World Heavyweight Championship hanging in the balance, will the Lumberjack match match have a negative effect on sunday?
Sheamus: C'mon Josh look, I don't worry about what may or may not happen every time i step into the... heh, there he is.
Enter Big Show. Sheamus holds up his toy in front of show's face and squeezes it. Show punches it out of Sheamus's hands, simultaneously wiping the smug smile off his face. I love this Big Show.
Big Show: You put a doll in my face? You better get serious real quick. See how your brawlin buddy went flying? Same thing's gonna happen to you at Hell in a Cell this Sunday 'cause i'm gonna knock you out and take that championship. You better get serious.
Daniel Bryan out now, for a match against Dolph Ziggler. Man my hands are hurting now. POWER THROUGH!
Back from ad break 8 as Mr. Ziggles enters the ring. Cole explains the reason for the match being on Smackdown! D-Bry made Dolph tap out.
Tie-up as Bryan instantly works on the arm, Ziggler twists out and twists Bryan up before Bryan throws Ziggler over his shoulder. Stand off and both men tie-up again, Bryan with a waist lock. Ziggler fights out with a headlock but Bryan shoves him off. Bryan goes for a roundhouse but Ziggler ducks out of the ring. Ziggler takes control with a kick to the gut and punches to the face and mid-section. Bryan fights back with stiff forearms but Ziggler shuts him up with another kick to the gut. Bryan whipped in the corner, sticks his legs up at a charging Ziggler who eats his boots. Ziggler dodges a clothesline and pushes Bryan into the corner and goes for a roll-up but Bryan hangs on. Bryan charges but runs into a beautiful standing dropkick from Ziggler. That was quick, had to pause it. "Damn I'm GOOD!" from Ziggler. Yes you are, sir. Ziggler with a neckbreaker, takes his time to stroll over and goes for a suplex. Bryan up and over goes for the No Lock. Ziggler pushes him off and goes to jump over Bryan but Bryan grabs Ziggler's leg mid-air and plants him face first. Nice. Bryan gives Ziggler a surf board, then stamps on the back of his thighs and knees. Ouchy. Bryan with a dragon screw and goes for a figure 4 leglock but Ziggler pushes Bryan off who lands neck first on the middle turnbuckle. Ziggler with body shots in the corner. He whips Bryan off the ropes but Bryan goes for a roll up instantly into the figure 4 leglock. The crowd 'Woooo!' in response but Ziggler gets to the ropes. Bryan with stomps on Ziggler who is on the apron. Ref tells him to back off but Bryan goes right back with forearms and a shoulder to the gut. He tries it again but Ziggler gets his knee up. Ziggler goes for a suplex from the ring to the outside and actually hits it. Bryan lands on his feet first but looks to be favouring the knee. Kane's pyro hits and he makes his way out. I like Kane, but don't come out, I'm enjoying this match. Ad break 9.
Back with both men on the mat with Bryan in a headlock. Both men make their way back up as Bryan hits body shots. Ziggler with a kick sends Bryan to the corner. Bryan whipped to the otherside, does his backflip off the top turnbuckle. Bryan then hits his leaping clothesline. He sells the knee as he lands and hits his running front dropkick on Ziggler. Bloody hell that landed hard. 2 count for Bryan. Bryan with his kicks to a kneeling Ziggler as Cole does a shout out to Lawler who is still recovering. Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag but Bryan ducks and attempts the No Lock. Ziggler rolls away and goes for a Jacknife cover, but Bryan counters with a pinning combination of his own for 2. Ziggler slaps on the sleeper hold but Bryan rolls him out. Bryan charges but Ziggler hits a vicious jumping DDT for a 2 count. Great match. Ziggler beats down Bryan in the corner and charges for a splash but misses and smashes the fuck out of his shoulder on the ring post and goes completely flying out the ring. Bugger me that looked vicious. Bryan hits a suicide dive on Ziggler as both men are down. This is the kind've match that separates the men from the boys. You don't need chairs or tables to make a match look vicious as fuck. Crowd chant "This is awesome" and they are correct. Bryan up top as Ziggler jumps up to meet him and hits X-Pac's finisher off the top rope. Great move. Ziggler tentatively goes for the cover but Bryan kicks out. Ziggler beats down Bryan as he gets up first but Bryan hits a low dropkick to put Ziggler down. Bryan with a roundhouse to Ziggler's face. I need to rewind 'cause that looked like it properly connected. Maybe not. Damn Ziggler is quick. Kane starts chanting 'Yes' from the outside, which distracts Bryan. Bryan gets annoyed and shouts 'No' at Kane. Ziggler hits the Zig Zag off the second rope for the win.
Post-match, Kane enters the ring and both men argue, as usual. Kane tries to explain he was helping Bryan, and Bryan refutes it. Bryan shoves Kane as the crowd chant 'Hug it Out'. Matt Striker enters the ring, and asks both men to stop asking, then.
Striker: Gentlemen, please! I'm sorry, the managing supervisor of Raw Vickie Guerrero told me to come out here because she has a surprise for the two of you. Vickie wanted me to let you guys know that for the first time ever, you two will compete tonight in something that vickie has called a theraputic game show. Everyone has heard of the newly wed game. This is called the newly tag game and Vickie has told me that I have to be the host. Now guys, listen, I just hope that whatever has gone on between the three of us over the past few weeks can be just kept in the past, please? Why don't you guys just get comfortable, because your opponents for the contest tonight are the same two men you will face this sunday at the Hell in a Cell PPV for your Tag Team Championships, Team Rhodes Scholars. So get situated because this unique and fun game show will happen next.
Oh dear God. Ad break 10.
Team Hell No are sat on the right side of the ring. There's some stupid music playing.
Striker: Okay ladies and gentlemen, welcome to WWE's newest tag team game show - the newly tag game! Now, this game is designed for partners to better get to know one another, to bolster their friendship. Now, I would like to first introduce our -
Kane: We've met.
Striker: Well, why don't you tell the WWE Universe a little bit about yourselves. Please.
Bryan: My name is Daniel. I'm a former WHC. I do not have a goat face! I am the World's Toughest Vegan! And more importantly than anything else, (he turns to Kane and shouts) I'M THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! (Bryan then turns to Striker and says) Stupid! Stupid! - I agree.
Kane: My name is Kane. I'm a Scorpio. I enjoy long walks on the beach. Rainbows, and puppies.
Kane: Hell! No!
Daniel Bryan: Wait a second, all that stuff is true, you love rainbows.
Both men argue and talk over each other as Team Rhodes Scholars enter the ring/gameshow/stupid.
Sandow: How dare you invite us to participate in such facetious tomfoolery. As your intellectual savior, what is happening in that ring, is the very putrification of our society that we are trying to diligently to eradicate! Therefore, we will not be.. abenning? (What?) such foolishness.
Rhodes: What he said. Now, the good news is, you will get to know us as well as we know each other this Sunday when we beat you for the TTC.
Sandow: You're welcome!
Team Rhodes Scholars walk off.
Kane: Well it looks like your olittle game show is a total bust!
Striker: How about a hand, to the winners as a result of a forfeit - team Hell No!
Bryan jumps out of his seat and celebrates like he's just won a nobel prize. Brilliant. Kane stands up and stares down Striker. He goes for a chokeslam but Striker bails, understandably. Striker has a smile on his face as he says
Striker: Kane, Daniel I really wish I could say that I wish the two of you luck this sunday but honestly, I don't. I really, really don't. Sorry.
Striker backs into Big Show who grabs him by the scruff of his neck and throws him across the stage. Time for Big Show vs Kane as we hit ad break 11.
In the ring, Big Show has Kane in the corner. The match started with Show shoving Kane out the ring in a test of strength. Show is telling the crowd to sit down and calling them hobbits. Brilliant. Kane takes advantage bd ducking a chop and giving running clotheslines to Show. Kane off the ropes eats a spear from Show. Big Show intimidates Bryan on the outside as he works over Kane's arms with elbows. Kane fights back with punches and kicks but Show puts him down in the corner with punches and heabutts. Bryan is cheering Kane on by slapping the apron. Kane fights back with punches but Show hits a scoop slam followed by a massive elbow for a 2 count. Show hits body shots on Kane, who staggers up and into the corner. Show with headbutts and slaps a bear hug in the middle of the ring. Bryan cheers Kane on again. Kane tries to fight out of it but Show tightens his grip. Kane goes to light Show up but Show lands on him for a 2. Big Show pushes Kane's neck down on the ropes to the count of 3 (out of 5). Kane hits a few punches on Show but again Show goes for the body shots. Kane stands toe to toe and hits a running DDT on Show for a 2 count. Kane goes up top as Big Show staggers to his feet. Kane hits his top rope clothesline but only gets a 2. Kane signals for the Chokeslam as Team Rhodes Scholars re-appear and slowly make their way down to the ring. Kane is distracted and turns round to get knocked out by Show for the win.
Post-match, Team Rhodes Scholars beat down Bryan. They roll him in the ring and Rhodes hits Cross Rhodes on Bryan. Both men look pleased with their work as they walk off, happy that their message has been sent. Sandow screams You're Welcome! as they make their way up the ramp.
Backstage, Santino is chatting with AJ
Santino: If it's any consulation, I think you did a very good job, and you will be missed.
AJ: Thank you
John Cena turns up and Santino leaves.
John Cena: If there is ever anything you need, if there is anything I can do for you, you let me know.
AJ: I can't believe any of this. I know there are a lot of things I've done that I should've been fired for and I said that out there, but not for this. They say I was fratenising. John, Vickie said I had n affair.
John Cena: Yeah and you just let it go. She's said that. I';m just, right off the top of your head,m she said you were seeing somebody, give me a name, I'll go in the locker room, I'll get 'em., we'll get their side of the story, then it'll become 'he said', 'she said' and it's all allegations, and nothing means nothing and you get your job back you just gave up out there
AJ: John. It was you.
John Cena: Wait, what?
AJ: That's why when the board asked me to resign I didn't fight it, okay, I didn't want to drag your name into it
John Cena: Drag my name into it? Oh, you're talking about that business dinner we had? It was business. Yeah, friends. Business friends. How can they make something outta that?
AJ: I don't know but they did and they went to the board and we're in the situation now and it's just a mess. I think it was Vickie Guerrero. I'm sorry, I didn't want it to get to this and it's a mess now and I don't know how to deal -
Cena comforts her with a hug.
John Cena: Don't worry, I'm gonna take care of it. I'll take care of it.
Ad break 12.
Cena is backstage and finds Vince getting into his care.
Cena: Woah, woah. Let me get this straight. Vickie Guerrero comes to you with some bogus story about AJ and myself and not only do you believe it but you give her AJ's job?
VKM: John this is not the time or place to discuss this, okay?
Cena: Hey, enough of the corporate BS. Man to man, what happened?
VKM: There was some incriminating evidence, okay if --
Cena: Incriminating evidence - a business dinner? You've never had a business dinner?
VKM: All I can tell ya as far as this is concerned, I mean, you've got a situation where if it wasn't this it would be something else. AJ was on probation, c'mon. It was a matter of time.
Cena: What about Vickie?
VKM: In all likelihood it is some sort of interim kind of thing, she's the managing supervisor, I don't know what that means myself. Look, it is what it is.
Vince gets in the car and leaves.
ADR is out next, introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez. Zack Ryder is his opponent. ADR instantly beats the shite out of Ryder and shoves him in the corner. Hard kick and a slap followed by stomps to the back of Ryder's head. Ryder fights back with forearms and punches but ADR puts him down with a snap suplex. 2 count. Crowd are behind Ryder as he eats a kick to the face from ADR. ADR works on Ryder's arm. Ryder bounces ADR off the ropes and goes for a sunset pin but to no avail. ADR kicks Ryder in the face for a 2 followed by an armbar. Ryder fights back with forearms but gets a headbutt from ADR. Ryder knocks ADR down with clotheslines and sets ADR up for the Broski Boot, which misses and Ryder is crotched on the ropes. ADR ties Ryder's arm up in the rope and kicks the crap out of it. He then slaps on the Cross Armbreaker and it doesn't take long for Ryder to tap. ADR keeps it on for a little while, just for good measure.
ADR: You like that, Randy?! Huh?! Huh Randy, tell me! Tell me! I'm going to cut your head off at Hell in a Cell, you little snake!
He slaps the Cross Armbreaker on Ryder again and Rodriguez holds the mic to ADR's mouth as he shouts some stuff. Then Rodriguez repeatedly shouts ADR.
Cena barges into Vickie's office backstage.
Cena: We need to talk.
Vickie: Can I help you, John?
Cena: Can you help me? Cut the crap.
Vickie: Hold on do not barge into my office and talk to me this way. May I remind you that I am the managing supervisor
Cena: You.. are a lot of things, but I will call you a backstabbing liar and that is being polite
Vickie: Do not give me attitude because your little girlfriend AJ cannot seperate business from pleasure
Cena: Vickie, it was a business dinner. It was nothing more than that and you know it. You cost that girl her job, that's a job she loved
Vickie: John, perception is reality and the reality is you asked AJ out on a date on Raw and you ended up having dinner with her. The reality is AJ got what she deserved. The reality is you costed AJ her job.
Cena, realising he may in fact be a dumbass, walked off. Main event next.
Josh: Ladies and gentlemen please welcome Mr. money in the bank, Dolph Ziggler. Dolph you look as confident as ever you've gotta be happy about your victory earlier tonight against Daniel Bryan.
Ziggler: Of course I am, obviously Josh c'mon but,m what's with the whole AJ thing. It's really gonna put a damp on my entire evening, I always thought she was a good egg but you can't put your hands on people, especially Vickie Guerrero And you know she's been fratenising with superstars. And even tonight she attacked Vickie Guerrero again. You can't have actions without consequences Josh. But at the end of the day there's only really one person who's to blame for all this - John Cena. I hope he's real happy with what he's done with himself. You would've thought AJ would have better taste, y'know?
There was a promo about Ryback. Heyman and POunk are watching it backstage
Heyman: Whatever you do, don't let that get into your head
Punk: It's not in my head, alright?
Heyman: No you're the best in the world
Punk: Did I say I wasn't the best in the world? Alright but this is the kind of disrespect i've been talking about for months. We're 6 days out from Hell in a Cell and I get thrown in a Champion vs Champion Lumberjack match? Only been a couple hours but I'm already missing AJ.
Heyman: Don't think about AJ. Don't even worry about Sheamus, you're going to defeat Sheamus. Here's what I know in life. Nest monday when raw goes on the air live, everyone is going to be faced with the facts. The facts that at Hell in a Cell you defeat Ryback. The fact that you are still, next Monday, the reigning, defending WWE Champion, and the fact that you, CM Punk, are the best in the world.
Punk looks determined thanks to the pep talk. Ad break 13(?)
Punk enters first, the rest of the roster are around the ring. Sheamus enters next. Here we go.
Punk throws kicks but as warnings before they tie up. Waist lock by Punk. Sheamus turns it around and takes unk down. Punk wit ha front headlock gets pushed to the corner byu Sheamus. Sheamus backs off at the request of the ref and they start again. They go to lock hands to test their strength and Punk hits a kick to the gut and throws Sheamus out the ring. Sheamus stares the lumberjacks down and re-enters the ring, as they do nothing. Punk goes to kick Sheamus but Sheamus grabs his foot, spins him around and lands an Atomic Drop before shoving Punk out the ring. Ooh! REGAL! I LOVE YOU REGAL! The Lumberjacks shove Punk in who gets dropped by Sheamus. Sheamus weith knee drops and a cover of 1. Sheamus with an arm wrench into a headlock takedown. Punk pushes Sheamus into the corner and fights out with headbutts to the gut. Punk brings Sheamus out, bounces him off the ropes and delivers another headbutt to the midsection. Punk goes for a neckbreaker but Sheamus shoves him away and hits a shoulderblock. Scoop slam followed by Elbow Drop by Sheamus for a 2 count. Sheamus wrenches Punk's arm back and Punk fights out, but gets clotheslined out the ring. The Lumberjacks shove Punk back in. Sheamus gives Punk a back breaker and 2 count. Punk on the apron gets the ten clubbing blows from Sheamus. Punk gives Sheamus a stunner using the ropes followed by a springboard clothesline. Punk throws Sheamus out and the lumberjacks beat the crap out of him before throwing him back in the ring as Punk covers for a 2. Ad break 14.
Back with Punk giving Sheamus a headlock, who pushes Punk to the corner and beats him down with punches to the gut and elbows to the back of the head. Off the ropes Punk gives Sheamus a kick and a cover of 2. Anaconda Vice style hold by Punk. Haha, that was great. Big Show is standing by the announcers and Cold mentioned Big Show's last reign of 45 seconds. Show slammed the table and made Cole shit himself. Sheamus gets Punk up for White Noise but yet again Punk throws Sheamus out again. A brawl ensues as the lumberjacks try to get him back in the ring. They calm down as Punk gives Sheamus a neckbreaker. He follows it up from the top rope as he connects with a double ax handle. Punk goes up again for a second double ax handle. Punk up a third time (this clearly won't work), goes for it but gets punched in the gut by Sheamus. More shots to the mid-section and head as Sheamus bounces off the ropes to eat a knee from Punk, followed by a kick to the back. Punk with a Scoop Slam, goes back up top again. Randy Savage Elbow was intended but Punk jumps down and gives a standard elbow. That was funny. Punk goes for a cover but Sheamus kicks out. Headlock by Punk on Sheamus. Sheamus hits his double ax handles as Punk comes off the rope. He follows it with a clothesline in the corner and the rolling senton. Sheamus again goes for the 10 clubbing blows, which all connect this time, followed by a suplex into the ring for a 2 count. Sheamus with a shoulder block, goes for his knee but is met with a heel kick from CM Punk. Punk goes for the knee to the corner but Sheamus picks him for White Noise. Punk rolls out, Sheamus goes for the Cloverleaf, Punk kicks Sheamus who is sent to the corner and Punk hits his knee followed by a clothesline and 2 count. Punk goes back up top as Sheamus makes his way up and meets Punk with punches. Sheamus goes for a Superplex, which he hits. Just noticed Mason Ryan. Punk kicks out at 2. Sheamus goes for the Irish Curse Backbreaker but Punk counters with elbows. Punk goes for the GTS but Sheamus counters with elbows himself. Punk gives Sheamus a drop toe hold into the turnbuckle and rolls him up for 2. Punk floors Sheamus with a kick to the back of the head for another 2 count. Punk goes up yet again, shouts best in the world, before going for the Randy Savage Elbow, but misses. Sheamus hits his Irish Curse Backbreaker for a 2 count. Sheamus goes for the Cloverleaf, but Punk holds Sheamus's legs to block it. Punk shoves him off, Sheamus charges Punk but Punk pulls the top rope down, sending Sheamus over. Sheamus thrashes at the lumberjacks and makes his way back in the ring, as he hits White Noise on Punk. Sheamus sets up for the Brogue Kick, but Cesaro enters the ring. Cesaro gets Brogue kicked, as does Jinder Mahal. Sheamus goes to Brogue Kick Punk, who ducks and Sheamus gets grabbed by Big Show, who chokeslams him. The ref didn't see, although I'm pretty sure it's no DQ. Punk gets the pin, and immediately Ryback's music hits. Ryback marches down as Punk looks on in horror. The lumberjacks part ways allowing Ryback to enter the ring. Punk runs, but the lumberjacks hold him and throw him in the ring. Backbreaker and pumphandle slam by Ryback. Punk tries to run again but is thrown back in, and eats a powerbomb. Again Punk tries to run and again is thrown back in. Ryback lifts Punk up and throws him out of the ring and onto the heel lumberjacks. Heyman shows up and ushers Punk away, as Ryback's music hits, standing tall in the ring, chanting feed me more.
That's pretty much it for this Raw. I thought it was really good, actually. I'm completely typed out. I'm not sure if it was worth doing it in that much detail, but if it was of good value to anyone, great! I dunno if I'll do the same next week. Let me know in the comments or follow me on twitter! Thanks for reading.