Hey, welcome to this Raw Review. This will be live, in that I won't be pausing and rewinding to get exactly what people are saying, because quite frankly I don't have that sort of time. I'll try and type as quickly as I can, but I should get the jist of what people are chatting about. Enjoy!
They begin with this stupid recap of Raw last night. That was lame.
Miz and Heyman are staring at each other "earlier today".
Miz: What kind of leader abandons his team and runs away
Heyman: Runs away? CM Punk didn't run away last week, it was a strategic retreat. It's called the art of war and you and the rest of Team Punk need to get on the same page for your own good
Miz: I'm not on the same page, because I think you and CM Punk are full of crap. I don't need either of you, and as far as the Survivor Series team is concerned, I quit.
The same recap bollocks comes on. It's done in the style of a crime documentary kind of deal, with the deep-voiced voice over, building up various storylines. Dunno why but that doesn't wash with me.
Rey Mysterio gets a nice pop from my fellow Englishmen for this six-man tag match, also involving Sin Cara and R-Truth, who don't get a televised entrance. Antonio Cesaro is out next with his team mates, the Prime Time Players.
Rey Mysterio, Sin Cara & R-Truth vs Antonio Cesaro, Darren Young & Titus O'Neil
Sin Cara starts against Antonio Cesaro. Cesaro takes control early by out-wrestling Sin Cara. Sin Cara quickly counters with an arm drag and headscissors before tagging in R-Truth. Cesaro immediately takes advantage with a Headbutt and Uppercut, and tags in Darren Young. Truth pauses to ask the crowd what was up. Shoulder block by Truth followed by a big right hand and tag to Mysterio. Scoop Slam by Truth and Leg Drop by Mysterio for a one count. Mysterio whipped in the corner chest first, sending him down. Young tags in O'Neil who beats on Rey in the corner. O'Neil gets Rey on his shoulders but Rey fights out. O'Neil with a kick to the gut, goes for a Powerbomb but Rey rolls over and tags in Sin Cara. Double team move on Titus sees a two count. Truth in with a Low Dropkick and another two count. Both teams stand off as we go to an ad break.
We're back as R-Truth hits a Spinning Heel Kick on Young. Cara tagged in who lands on Young's arm. Cara goes for the Tajiri Elbow but is caught by Young. Cara counters with a Headscissors followed by what looked like a slightly botched Arm Drag. Mysterio comes in and hits a double team headscissors. Young is hung up on the ropes as Mysterio goes for the 619 but Cesaro tags himself in and hits a Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker for a 2 count. That was good. O'Neil tagged in gives Rey a Military Press followed by knees to the ribs. O'Neil barks at the crowd and tags in Cesaro, who hits an Uppercut to the back of Rey, it looked like, followed by a 2 count. Cesaro with his Gut Wrench Suplex which gets a 2. Cesaro stops Rey tagging in by floating over and blocking him with a Front Face Lock. Mysterio shoved in his opponent's corner, gets his legs up as Cesaro charges him followed by a Drop Toe Hold on Cesaro. Rey, out of the corner hits a DDT on Cesaro followed by a tag to R-Truth. Truth with the Lie Detector on Cesaro, thrusts his cock at O'Neil, who comes in the ring and straight out over the top. Truth hits that Orange Stunner thing (I think?) on Cesaro but Young breaks the pin up. Cara disposes of Young and hits a Head Scissors on Cesaro, setting him up for the 619, which Rey hits followed by the Little Jimmy from R-Truth, getting him the pinfall.
Rey Mysterio, Sin Cara & R-Truth win by pinfall.
Mysterio and Cara mock the Prime Time Players by doing their taunt. Crooked ref Brad Maddox gives us answers later tonight. Vickie says, via Twitter, that she has security camera footage of AJ screwing John Cena, or whatever. Oh yeah, on a side note, it was reported a few weeks ago that someone had a heated argument with Vince McMahon, but no one knew who it was. Apparently it was John Cena, which might explain his current situation in this AJ scandal. Personally, I think it's because of his elbow injury more rather than a punishment for speaking up to the boss.
I don't know about all of you, but for me I am very proud of myself. I am proud of my accomplishments. I am thrilled that AJ resigned as General Manager for Monday Night Raw, because hanky panky is not allowed. We must act like professionals, and we need to be honest, which is something that John Cena has a problem with. So if all of you will join me, let's review this outrageous scandal.
Hahahaha, massive "Who are ya!" chant from the Birmingham crowd. Nice. Vickie shows various footage she's shown over the last few weeks.
The next footage, Cena and AJ embrace romantically. Next, Cena lures AJ into a hotel elevator. And this is one of my favourites, for Cena admits that he walked AJ to her room. So tonight, I am going --
Bllllllllllrrrrrrrrrrrrroabadoo! Enter Cena, to the standard mixed reaction. He's straight to business as he marches to the ring. No salute or anything.
Vickie: Look, John. I want a clean show. And you are not going to stop me from --
Cena: --dahhh. I know, I heard what you guys just heard, Vickie Guerrero says she runs a clean show. Vickie Guerrero running a clean show is like me learning a new wrestling move, it's not going to happen (very nice). You're trying to expose this scandal, but when you were in charge of Smackdown! you helped him become World Champion, and when Edge dumped you, you did the same to Dolph Ziggler. Instead of all of that, they've been asking you 'who are ya' (crowd start again) and you should take a second to answer them, and you're not a cougar, you're a toffee-nosed slapper, something donkey.
Vickie: How dare you. Somebody sent me this hotel security footage. Oh, look there's AJ, making sure the coast is clear, that sneaky little exhibitionist in a bath robe?! Oh, she's knocking on a door? She's very smart, no one is around, as she goes IN!
Cena: Great, she shoots she scores, that's fantastic! That by no means is no evidence. You have AJ in a bath robe going from one room to another. That means nothing.
Vickie: Yes it does, Johnny boy because I have the same footage from a different camera. John, can I ask you a little question? When you put that Do Not Disturb sign on the door knob, that must've been one heck of a business meeting.
Cena: You do realise those are two different cameras. I admit, I was scantatly clad in a towel, hanging a Do Not Disturb sign on the door because I didn't want to be disturbed. Once again manipulating the truth, congratulations.
Vickie: How about we bring AJ out in person?
Crowd really want AJ out. Big "We want AJ" chant. She is up on the Titantron
AJ: Vickie, you don't want me to go out there. Because if I go out there and explain myself, I will give you the beating of your life. And then you'll fire me, and I'll be out of a job, and I won't be able to do what I love to do.
Enter Ziggler.
Ziggler: And AJ, we all know what you love to do.
Vickie cackles in the ring as Cena runs backstage. Ad break.
Heyman is backstage talking to someone:
Heyman: Y'see, the Miz is contemptible he's conniving. he's cowardly. Which is why, sir, in my humble opinion, Team Punk needs someone like you.
Camera pans to Wade Barrett.
Wade Barrett: You know, Paul, this is the same tired routine you tried last week. I refused you back then, and I'm refusing you now, I just don't trust you. You know what, I've reconsidered, but on one condition
Heyman: Okay, I owe you, you got it
Wade Barrett: And I want that in writing
Daniel Bryan is out now, who gets a huge reaction from the crowd as usual.
Tag Team Champion, Daniel Bryan /w Kane vs Cody Rhodes /w Damien Sandow
Cody lands a quick Throat Thrust on Bryan and beats him down with stomps to the chest. Bryan in the corner, is whipped, but flips over, followed by his jumping Clothesline. Bryan lands repeated kicks to Cody, whips him off the ropes but Cody dodges, before being thrown over the top rope. Kane stalks Cody on the outside as Sandow hits Kane from behind. Bryan takes out Sandow from the ring to the floor and Cody hits a Disaster Kick on Bryan off the apron. Back in the ring, Rhodes picks up the rather unexpected win with the Cross Rhodes.
Cody Rhodes wins via pinfall.
Cody: Did you see that? That was an impressive victory from one half of the future tag team champions, Team Rhodes Scholars. My partner Damien Sandow could beat Kane just as easily as I defeated Daniel Bryan.
Sandow, looked smug, then concerned, as he realised Cody intended him to face Kane. Kane brings Sandow in the hard way as we go to another ad break.
Tag Team Champion, Kane vs Damien Sandow
Kane has Sandow in the corner as he rips at his face. Sandow off the ropes is hit with a Back Elbow and Elbow Drop followed by a 2 count. Kane whips Sandow off the ropes followed by a Big Back Body Drop. Sandow in the corner gets beaten down by Kane. Sandow fights out with kicks and forearms Kane shoves Sandow away and quickly retakes control. Kane shoves Sandow into the corner, who jumps up on the middle rope. Sandow eats an Uppercut from Kane, followed by a Big Boot. Rhodes comes up on the apron, trying to distract Kane, but Bryan gets involved and chases him through the ring. The official sends both guys to the back. Sandow looks on as Kane is stood behind him. Sandow pleads with Kane, but Kane delivers a slap followed by a whip to the corner and a corner Clothesline, twice. Sidewalk Slam from Kane, followed by a Top Rope Clothesline. Chokeslam sends Sandow packing for the 3 count.
Kane wins via pinfall.
Up next, Brad Maddox explains his actions at Hell in the Cell.
Cole is in the ring as he welcomes Brad Maddox. Maddox comes out in street clothes. "Who are ya!" chant from the crowd. They should come to England more often. Notice, England. Not UK. England. You are in England. Yes, our "Kingdom" is United but.. nevermind.
Cole: Brad, last week you met with a board of inquiry at WWE Global Headquarters in Stanford Connecticut, to discuss this.
We see the low blow from Maddox on Ryback.
Cole: Brad, what possible explanation can you have for those actions. Are you working with Paul Heyman and WWE Champion, CM Punk?
Maddox: No. That was all me. That was my plan. All my life, all that I've ever wanted to do, was to be a WWE Superstar.
Feed Me More chant starts up
Maddox: All I've ever wanted to be was a WWE Superstar, and for years I tried to get my foot in the door and for years, everybody shut the door in my face. I have sent tapes everywhere, I have sent tapes to the front office of talent relations. I've been to Raw and Smackdown! live events. I once paid £2k for a tryout, and finally after all of that I was given a chance, with a Developmental Contract. And apparently, even down there, I wasn't good enough. Why? Because I'm 6 feet tall, because I way 207 pounds, because I'm not a freak, or because I don't wear a mask, or wear a mohawk.
You can't wrestle chant begins.
Maddox: Even when WWE officials told me that I would never, never, never, never make it to the Main roster of the WWE, my dream didn't die. In fact, it got stronger, because I wanna be somebody! And I don't care how many people tell me that I'm nobody. So, I made a vowel to myself that I would do whatever it takes, to get to the WWE. That's why I became a referee. And when Raw expanded to 3 hours and General Manager AJ Lee called me for a job, all I needed was one chance to make an impact.
Crowd are massively booing this guy.
Maddox: I know what I did wasn't right, that was all me. CM Punk had no idea what I was going to do, he was just as surprised as Ryback was, as all of you were. I made an impact. My actions were very simply driven by my desire to be somebody. I'm somebody now! I'm famous now! People know my name, in England!
Another Who are ya chant.
Maddox: My dream is to be a WWE Superstar. That's why I want a contract, and a match, with Ryback. Because at this point, nobody is going to forget who Brad Maddox is right now. Thank you!
No Chance, such as what you've got! Huuuuuuuuuge pop for the Chairman.
Vince: So let me see, you want a contract huh? You want a contract and you wanna face Ryback. Son it's one thing to be famous, it's another thing to have a death wish. I don't think you did this on your own, I think somehow you and Punk and Heyman are all in on this, and I intend to get to the bottom of it. You want a contract? Okay, I will give you a million dollar contract if next week on Raw, you can beat Ryback. Now get out of my ring. Speaking of contracts, however, bear with me for just a moment.
Vince goes to the back.
Vince: You all know Vickie Guerrero (He brings her out), the supervising manager of Raw, and I assume it's alright to offer that kid a contract. Do you agree that somehow CM Punk is involved. You gotta be, right?
Vickie: Yes sir.
Vince: So therefore, why would you reward CM Punk, at Survivor Series, hiding behind all these men in a Survivor Series tag team match. Why wouldn't you have CM Punk defend his Championship? You were thinking that, weren't you? I thought so. And you were going to have CM Punk defend his championship against...?
Vickie: Mr. Money in the Bank, Dolph Ziggler?
Vince: Not quite, I was thinking you were going to say someone who got screwed at Hell in a Cell.
Vickie: ....Ryback?
Vince: Ryback! And it shouldn't be one on one, it should be a triple threat match. You were thinking Punk vs Ryback vs? And if you say Dolph Ziggler I will fire you on the spot.
Vickie: Uh, I don't think this is a good idea, because if the person you're thinking about is who I'm thinking about, that person is in a scandal.
Vince: He? The he who stepped aside to allow Ryback a chance at Hell in a Cell, the person who drew with Punk? That would be?
Vickie: johncena.
Vince: Sorry, who?
Vickie: ...John Cena!
Vince: Vickie doesn't always make the best decisions or most popular decisions, but sometimes she makes the right decisions. Congratulations, Vickie Guerrero!
Sheamus comes out for a match as we go to break. So, is this another way for Vince to undermine Mick Foley, or something? I get that the title needs to be defended, but this is just another glaring example of WWE's incapability of keeping to one idea. Think ahead, you silly idiots. I get that you can't think too far ahead, because there are so many things that could go wrong, with injuries etc. but you can have a plan A and a plan B, surely? It's not hard. I'm sorry, but it's not hard to think of something for people to do over a month, two month, three month etc, period. Think where you want them to go and give them a chance. Not confident in their ability to put themselves over on the mic? Give them a manager. That's the whole point in managers. Not convinced with their wrestling ability? Put them in tag teams for a while, or put them in a feud with a true ring General.
Anyway, we're back with Miz making his entrance. Before he gets to the ring, Big Show makes his way out, to scout the match.
Sheamus vs The Miz
Sheamus with a quick side headlock followed by a shoulder knock down. Side headlock take over from Sheamus, but Miz whips him off the ropes. Miz attempts a Hip Toss but Sheamus counters with a Clothesline and 2 count. Sheamus goes for his Grenade Thumps on Miz on the apron but Miz struggles free. Sheamus takes Miz down and hits Elbow Drops on Miz for a 2 count. Miz hits a kick to the gut on Miz and beats him down in the corner. Sheamus fights out with punches to the gut and head. Sheamus whips Miz to the corner but Miz tries to get up and over Sheamus. Sheamus catchse him and hits a Steamroller on Miz. Miz counters Sheamus and hits a big Clothesline for a 1 count. Miz beats on Sheamus on the floor followed by a rear Headlock. Dueling chants between two men from the crowd. Miz goes for a suplex but Sheamus counters with a suplex of his own, hanging Miz up on the top rope. Sheamus goes for those Grenade Thumps (my name for them) on Miz on the apron. He gets all ten of them and punches Miz off the apron and to the floor. Miz pushes Sheamus into the announce desk and into the ring post, much to the delight of Show. Miz shoves him in the ring and delivers a kick to the face which got a 2 count. Miz slaps on a rear headlock as we go to another ad break.
We're back as Miz whips Sheamus into the corner and hits his patented Clothesline. Ax Handle off the top rope from Miz sees a two count. Sheamus, now hung up on the middle rope, is having Miz squeeze his neck with his knee and jumps on the back of him. Miz slams Sheamus face first on the apron as Sheamus falls to the floor. Both men are outside the ring now as Miz whips Sheamus into the ring steps. Both are now in the ring as Miz slaps a rear headlock on Sheamus. Show is toying with Cole at ringside, which is enjoyable. Miz jumps on the back of Sheamus, maintaining the headlock on Sheamus. Sheamus jumps backwards to break it up and both men are down. Miz hits his Back Breaker/Neck Breaker combo for a 2 count. Miz kicks Sheamus in the ribs as he's down, and drives his foot across Sheamus's throat. Miz, continous the aggression on Sheamus in the corner on the mat. Miz goes for his corner Clothesline but Sheamus fights out with Ax Handles of his own, as well as a running knee to the gut. Miz tries to fight out but Sheamus hits a Pumphandle Slam for a 2 count. Sheamus goes for the Irish Curse Backbreaker but Miz fights out with elbows. Sheamus now up to the top rope and hits a jumping Shoulderblock for 2. Sheamus goes for White Noise but Miz throws him in the corner and tries to roll him up but only gets 2. Miz with a Snap DDT gets 2 and a half. Miz goes for another running boot but Sheamus counters and attempts the Cloverleaf but Miz shoves him away. Sheamus misses with the Brogue Kick but Miz dodges and goes for the Skull Crushing Finale. Sheamus fights out with elbows and hits the White Noise. Sheamus sets up for the Brogue kick in the corner, which he connects with for the 1, 2, 3.
Sheamus wins via pinfall.
Post-match, Big Show gets up and holds his World Heavyweight Championship high above his head, as both he and Sheamus stare each other down.
Backstage in front of Mr McMahon's office is Ziggler pacing up and down. Vickie comes out
Vickie: You're going to be very happy. Not only are you on the team, you are leading the team. Team Ziggler.
Punk shows up.
Punk: Well I'm real happy that you're happy. We're all happy right now aren't we? You know the only reason you're the captain is because this cranky old bastard is trying to screw me. How is it fair that you're the captain of my team and I have to defend my title against Ryback and Cena? He's trying to get revenge for me beating him up a few weeks ago.
Vickie: Tonight's main event is you, the WWE Champion and Dolph Ziggler tagging up to face Ryback and Cena.
Punk: What is wrong with her? What is wrong with her? What is wrong with her? What is wrong with her? What is wrong with her? Grrrr!
Uh, promo for Fandangoo showed. Whoever that's going to be, it's going to be annoying.
WILLIAM REGAL! I LOVE YOU WILLIAM REGAL! WILLIAM REGAL I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! LOVE LOVE LOVE!
Anyway, he's backstage chatting with Sheamus. I couldn't really hear what was being said because I was swooning over Regal. I did hear Regal asking if Sheamus wanted to go for a pint, which is ridiculous, because Regal is a recovering alcoholic, isn't he?
Eve is out now, for a match, obviously. She's tagging with Aksana. Good God. I mean, really, I'm sorry and I know it's trendy to bash the Divas, but snore.
Eve and Aksana vs Layla and Kaitlyn
Aksana starts with Layla. Aksana does a stripper dance for no apparent reason. Layla goes for a few quick pinning combinations early. Layla then slaps Aksana in the butt, then hits her face with her own butt. Oh God! GOD! This is so bad. SO BAD. I actually fear for Layla's safety because there is no way in hell that Aksana should qualify as a PROFESSIONAL wrestler. I'm not going to look at the rest of this match, I'm just going to rant until it's over, because quite frankly that's more interesting.
I'm sick and tired of these glorified models stepping in the ring to wrestle. Do they have a place in the wrestling world? Yeah, they do. They're great as escorts/managers and can really help establish heat for a wrestler (or wrestlers), such as Rosa Mendes. She has no place in actually wrestling, unless she actually spends time learning and perfecting her craft. In my mind, it is completely disrespectful to put two, or more, women in the ring and let them scream and just pull each other's hair and botch the fuck out of every actual wrestling move available to them. It's also incredibly dangerous, and that's how injuries occur. Trish Stratus is the best example of someone who went from being a valet manager to being considered one of the greatest female wrestlers of all time. Lita is another who clearly wanted to be a good wrestler, and it showed as she is definitely up there as one of the best of all time. Oh, it's over now. In closing, no one is going to take women's wrestling seriously until they do. End.
Layla and Kaitlyn win via pinfall.
Del Rio and Rodriguez are backstage. Del Rio is complaining about how Ziggler is the team captain, and how Del Rio isn't. Rodriguez feels Del Rio is the captain. Del Rio turns around and bumps into Rosa Mendes, who excuses herself. Del Rio tells her no problem with a smile on his face, and walks off. Dunno what that was. Anyway, Del Rio's in action next.
Kofi Kingston is out, who I guess is Del Rio's opponent.
Intercontinental Champion, Kofi Kingston vs Alberto Del Rio
ADR is introduced by Ricardo as per usual. ADR is driving a DB9. Gorgeous car. ADR starts by taking advantage with Kofi in the corner. Ref breaks it up and ADR lands a kick to the mid-section of Kofi before using a Headlock Take Down. Kofi bounces off the ropes but ADR counters with a shoulderblock. ADR bounces off the rope as Kofi jumps over him twice before hitting a Jumping Back Elbow. Kofi with a Front Face Lock, followed by an Arm Wrench. ADR counters with a Front Face Lock of his own, but Kofi struggles out and wrenches the arm of ADR again. Both men in the corner and ADR lands some kicks and beats down Kofi to the floor. Kofi reverses a whip to the corner and jumps up for 5 punches to the head. Kofi rolls off ADR and hits an Uppercut. ADR counters with another kick to the mid-section and whips Kofi to the corner. Kofi jumps up and over and gives ADR a Headscissors followed by dropkick. Kofi charges but is flipped over ADR. Kofi lands on the apron and is distracted by Ricardo. ADR takes advantage and knocks him off the apron. Kofi is sent into the security wall. ADR goes for the cover back in the ring for 2 and slaps on a Body Scissors. Kofi fights out but is met with a Tilt-A-Whirl Backbreaker by ADR. Snap Suplex from ADR followed by a pin attempt. Body Scissors again by ADR. Kofi separates and fights back with a forearm. Kofi lands a Schoolboy Roll Up on ADR for 2 but ADR fights back with aggressive stomps to Kofi. Stiff kick to the ribs by ADR, who then ties Kofi up on the middle rope. ADR, with Kofi goes up to the top rope, uses the ropes as an ally as he puts Kofi in an Arm Bar until the count of 4. ADR charges Kofi, who dodges and hits slaps on ADR before hitting the Boom Drop. Crowd is largely dead for this. Kofi sets up for Trouble in Paradise, which misses. Del Rio kicks Kofi and goes for the Cross Armbreaker. S.O.S. by Kofi gets a 2 and a half. ADR shoves Kofi into the corner and charges but gets kicked in the face. Kofi goes for the Springboard, Top Rope Crossbody but misses. ADR signals for the Cross Armbreaker but Randy Orton's music hits. ADR, distracted, gets rolled up by Kofi for the 3 count and win.
Kofi Kingston wins via pinfall.
ADR looks towards the stage in annoyance, but Randy turns up behind him to deliver an RKO. My official prediction at Survivor Series is Alberto Del Rio winning.
Team Co-Bro (Zack Ryder & Santino Marella) vs. Primo & Epico /w Rosa Mendes
Marella and Primo start off in the ring. Marella takes advantage with an Arm Lock on Primo, but Primo quickly counters with one of his own. Marella back again with a Side Headlock and Arm Drag. Marella goes for another Arm Drag but completely misses. Santino asks for a time out but Primo doesn't give him one. Primo whips Santino off the ropes, who proceeds to power walk from one side to another. Primo goes for a Clothesline but Santino dodges and tags Ryder in. Ryder rolls Primo up for 2 and hits a Flapjack for another 2 count. Ryder goes for a Crossbody on Primo but misses and hits the ropes. Primo beats on Ryder in the corner and tags in Epico. Epico quickly tags Primo back in, as they double team Ryder. Primo mocks Marella before going for the cover on Ryder for 2. Primo knocks Marella down. Marella tries to get in as Ryder rolls Primo up. The ref didn't see the cover as he was dealing with Santino. Epico tagged in now as he hits a rather nice Dropkick on Ryder for 2. Headlock by Primo is short-lived as Ryder fights out. Ryder goes to tag Santino but is stopped and brought to his opponent's corner. Primo back in with a stiff kick to the back of Ryder. 2 count from Primo followed by a Rear Headlock. Primo goes for a Supelx but Ryder flips over, lands on his feet and hits a Neckbreaker on Primo. Santino tagged in as Epico is tagged in. Santino with his punches and splits before the Hip Toss and Salute Headbutt. Primo breaks up the pin attempt but eats a Rough Ryder from Zack Ryder. Epico is the legal man as Santino sets up and hits the Cobra for the win.
Team Co-Bro win via pinfall.
Brodus Clay is out now. I'm tired of him, now. His opponent is Wade Barrett, who gets a nice pop, of course. COME ON, BABY!
The Phenomenal Wade Barrett vs brodusclay
Am I biased? No. Crowd are firmly behind Barrett, as expected. Brodus overpowers Wade to begin with but Wade fights back with kicks. Brodus takes control much to the dismay of the crowd. T-Bone Suplex from Brodus, which was quite nice, followed by a Leg Drop. Let's go Barrett! chant from the crowd. That's right. Barrett hits a beautiful Winds of Change Side Slam on Brodus followed by punches to the face. Aggressive stomps to Brodus, who is dangling out the ring. Engerland, Engerland, Engerland chant. Great stuff. Screw you, Cameron and Naomi, covering your ears. Rear headlock from Wade. Let's go Barrett! Knee to the gut from Barrett as he maintains the Headlock. Clotheslines from Brodus followed by a running headbutt. Brodus splashes Wade in the corner and whips him to the opposite side. Wade side-steps and kicks him in the mid section. Wade hits the Souvenir Elbow for the win. Crowd go mad for him, and rightly so.
WINNER = WADE BARRET VIA PINFALL. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Don't do a segment in a pub. Please, no. Good. The 3MB are out next. That is, 3 Man Band. Heath Slater is out accompanied by Jinder Mahal. No Drew? Come on! That thing with his wife was A) Years ago and B) Not his fault. Give the guy a break. Unless he's done something else bad.
Usos are out next, doing their Samoan Rugby thing. Jey Uso is Heath Slater's opponent. It's nice that they've taken the tag team scene, ignored ALL the teams they currently have, with the exception of PTP and created three teams of their own to lead the division. Stupid! as Ryback would say. Anyway, the match.
Heath Slater /w Jinder Mahal vs Jey Uso /w Jimmy Uso
Jey hits a Scoop Slam on Slater followed by a Leg Drop. Whip off the ropes followed by a knock down. Slater, in the corner counters with a kick to the gut and strikes. Jey reverses and strikes Slater before being pulled away by the ref. Slater knocks Jey down with a kick and slaps on a Chinlock. Slater taunts the crowd, which Jey takes advantage of with a few strikes, but Slater whips him into the turnbuckle, chest first. 2 count for Slater who slaps a Headlock on Jey. Jey fights out and is whipped before eating quite a nice kick from Slater for a 2. Reverse Chinlock from Slater. Jey rolls through and hits a kick to the gut of Slater. Slater off the ropes and eats a Sweet Chin Music inspired kick from Jey. Jey goes up top and goes for a Superfly Splash. Slater gets his knees up and hits his finisher, the Smash Hit for the win. Is Slater wearing eye make-up now?
Heath Slater wins via pinfall.
CM Punk is out with Paul Heyman following the ad break. This is where my fingers are really going to hurt.
CM Punk: Let me recap for everybody who hasn't been paying attention for the last few weeks. At Hell in a Cell I beat the undefeated monster Ryback. Ever since then people have been trying to take my victory because they're jealous. They like to point fingers and say we had something to do with the rogue referee. Even though Brad Maddox told you all that he acted alone. And now at Survivor Series Team Punk is being demoted to Team Ziggler. And Vince is continuing his tradition at Survivor Series by screwing his top talent. All of you want to see Ryback or John Cena take from me which is rightfully mine for 351 days. What an amazing accomplishment! and for 351 days I have proven that I am better than everybody here in this arena, I am better than everybody superstar in the back, I am better than anyone world wide. I have not just survived for 351 days, I have set the bar higher than anyone can.
CM Punk chant
CM Punk: At Survivor Series I will celebrate 364 days as WWE Champion, my reign of excellence, of dominance will continue. I will prove with documented fact that I am the BEST. IN THE WORRRRRLD!
Ziggler makes his entrance for the tag team main event. Cena is out next to start for his team. Thanks for the bum shot of Ziggler there, cameraman. Ryback out last. Interesting.
We're back from the ad break with Cena and CM Punk starting in the ring. Tie up from both men with Punk taking advantage with a side headlock take down. Cena with the leg scissors traps Punk's head. Punk fights out and jumps over to apply another side headlock on Cena. Cena powers out and takes CM Punk down with a snapmare and headlock of his own. Fair play, Cena has DEFINITELY improved. No one can deny that. He's actually quite good given the right opponent. Cena knocks Punk down with a shoulderblock, so Punk tags Ziggler in who is met with an arm drag from Cena. Cena with a front face lock on Ziggler, but Ziggler fights out with a kick to the gut, and punches to the face. Ziggler whips Cena but Cena counters with a Bulldog. Ziggler tags Punk in, who whips Cena to the corner chest first. Stomps by Punk on Cena, who is on the mat, followed by a tag to Ziggler. Wishbone by the two gentlemen. Ziggler hits a Neckbreaker followed by a series of 10 elbows, then a jumping elbow. That's impressive endurance. Ziggler goes for a pin, which gets 2, then does sit ups next to Cena. Cena takes advantage with a pin attempt. Ziggler regains advantages and tags Punk back in. Punk hits his high knee in the corner but doesn't follow with the bulldog. CM Punk with knees to the mid-section of Cena and goes for the GTS. Cena fights out and goes for the AA. Punk fights out and hits a Roundhouse Kick to Cena's head and a 2 count. Front face lock by Punk keeps Cena grounded. Cena fights out and hits an Attitude Adjustment on Punk. Doesn't really get much of a reaction. Punk tags Ziggler in, who stops Cena from tagging Ryback. Ziggler buries his foot in Cena's neck, as he reminds the ref that he has 'til 5. Cena hits an elbow on Ziggler as he bounces off the ropes and both men are down. Ziggler hits the Fameasser on Cena for a 2 count. Punk back in as the crowd chant Feed Me More. Punk with a neckbreaker on Cena gets him a count of 2. Punk with a figure four on Cena's head and neck. Cena turns Punk over and gets him up on his shoulders for an Electric Chair Drop. God JR is brilliant, isn't he? Elbow drop from Punk, keeps Cena on the mat. Mongolian Chop by Punk sends Cena into their corner. Ziggler tagged in, who kicks Cena in the head. Standing Dropkick from Ziggler gets a 2 count. Ziggler goes up top for a high risk move, and goes for a missile dropkick, but Cena moves out of the way. Both men are down as the crowd anticipate the hot tag. Hot tag to Ryback as Punk is tagged in. Two stiff clotheslines followed by a big back body drop from Ryback. Ziggler jumps in and eats a clothesline. Punk off the ropes gets a spinebuster from Ryback. Ziggler thrown into the corner gets Military Pressed onto a fallen Punk and clotheslined out of the ring. Ryback fires the crowd up as he sets up for the Meat Hook Clothesline. Finish Him, as he sets Punk up for Shell Shocked, which he hits for the 1, 2, 3.
Ryback and John Cena win via pinfall.
Smart to keep Ryback in for about 2 minutes, while John Cena, the veteran of the two, carried the entire work load. Cena is now up on the apron, looking at Ryback, as Ryback chants Feed Me More. Music stops as both men stare at each other. Ryback starts up the Feed Me More Chants as Raw goes off the air.
And that was that. It was a fairly action-packed episode, and I enjoyed it. I didn't like the Team Fiasco, simply because it seemed completely unnecessary. It's smart to have a Triple Threat match at Survivor Series, as Cena can help carry the match. The main event was a surprise, as Cena was made to look quite weak, whereas Ryback was made to look like he was the best in the world, beating up these jobbers. Not sure what to think of that, but anyway. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading.
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