Hey, welcome to this Raw Review. This will be live, in that I won't be pausing and rewinding to get exactly what people are saying, because quite frankly I don't have that sort of time. I'll try and type as quickly as I can, but I should get the jist of what people are chatting about. Enjoy!
They begin with this stupid recap of Raw last night. That was lame.
Miz and Heyman are staring at each other "earlier today".
Miz: What kind of leader abandons his team and runs away
Heyman: Runs away? CM Punk didn't run away last week, it was a strategic retreat. It's called the art of war and you and the rest of Team Punk need to get on the same page for your own good
Miz: I'm not on the same page, because I think you and CM Punk are full of crap. I don't need either of you, and as far as the Survivor Series team is concerned, I quit.
The same recap bollocks comes on. It's done in the style of a crime documentary kind of deal, with the deep-voiced voice over, building up various storylines. Dunno why but that doesn't wash with me.
Rey Mysterio gets a nice pop from my fellow Englishmen for this six-man tag match, also involving Sin Cara and R-Truth, who don't get a televised entrance. Antonio Cesaro is out next with his team mates, the Prime Time Players.
Rey Mysterio, Sin Cara & R-Truth vs Antonio Cesaro, Darren Young & Titus O'Neil
Sin Cara starts against Antonio Cesaro. Cesaro takes control early by out-wrestling Sin Cara. Sin Cara quickly counters with an arm drag and headscissors before tagging in R-Truth. Cesaro immediately takes advantage with a Headbutt and Uppercut, and tags in Darren Young. Truth pauses to ask the crowd what was up. Shoulder block by Truth followed by a big right hand and tag to Mysterio. Scoop Slam by Truth and Leg Drop by Mysterio for a one count. Mysterio whipped in the corner chest first, sending him down. Young tags in O'Neil who beats on Rey in the corner. O'Neil gets Rey on his shoulders but Rey fights out. O'Neil with a kick to the gut, goes for a Powerbomb but Rey rolls over and tags in Sin Cara. Double team move on Titus sees a two count. Truth in with a Low Dropkick and another two count. Both teams stand off as we go to an ad break.
We're back as R-Truth hits a Spinning Heel Kick on Young. Cara tagged in who lands on Young's arm. Cara goes for the Tajiri Elbow but is caught by Young. Cara counters with a Headscissors followed by what looked like a slightly botched Arm Drag. Mysterio comes in and hits a double team headscissors. Young is hung up on the ropes as Mysterio goes for the 619 but Cesaro tags himself in and hits a Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker for a 2 count. That was good. O'Neil tagged in gives Rey a Military Press followed by knees to the ribs. O'Neil barks at the crowd and tags in Cesaro, who hits an Uppercut to the back of Rey, it looked like, followed by a 2 count. Cesaro with his Gut Wrench Suplex which gets a 2. Cesaro stops Rey tagging in by floating over and blocking him with a Front Face Lock. Mysterio shoved in his opponent's corner, gets his legs up as Cesaro charges him followed by a Drop Toe Hold on Cesaro. Rey, out of the corner hits a DDT on Cesaro followed by a tag to R-Truth. Truth with the Lie Detector on Cesaro, thrusts his cock at O'Neil, who comes in the ring and straight out over the top. Truth hits that Orange Stunner thing (I think?) on Cesaro but Young breaks the pin up. Cara disposes of Young and hits a Head Scissors on Cesaro, setting him up for the 619, which Rey hits followed by the Little Jimmy from R-Truth, getting him the pinfall.
Rey Mysterio, Sin Cara & R-Truth win by pinfall.
Mysterio and Cara mock the Prime Time Players by doing their taunt. Crooked ref Brad Maddox gives us answers later tonight. Vickie says, via Twitter, that she has security camera footage of AJ screwing John Cena, or whatever. Oh yeah, on a side note, it was reported a few weeks ago that someone had a heated argument with Vince McMahon, but no one knew who it was. Apparently it was John Cena, which might explain his current situation in this AJ scandal. Personally, I think it's because of his elbow injury more rather than a punishment for speaking up to the boss.
I don't know about all of you, but for me I am very proud of myself. I am proud of my accomplishments. I am thrilled that AJ resigned as General Manager for Monday Night Raw, because hanky panky is not allowed. We must act like professionals, and we need to be honest, which is something that John Cena has a problem with. So if all of you will join me, let's review this outrageous scandal.
Hahahaha, massive "Who are ya!" chant from the Birmingham crowd. Nice. Vickie shows various footage she's shown over the last few weeks.
The next footage, Cena and AJ embrace romantically. Next, Cena lures AJ into a hotel elevator. And this is one of my favourites, for Cena admits that he walked AJ to her room. So tonight, I am going --
Bllllllllllrrrrrrrrrrrrroabadoo! Enter Cena, to the standard mixed reaction. He's straight to business as he marches to the ring. No salute or anything.
Vickie: Look, John. I want a clean show. And you are not going to stop me from --
Cena: --dahhh. I know, I heard what you guys just heard, Vickie Guerrero says she runs a clean show. Vickie Guerrero running a clean show is like me learning a new wrestling move, it's not going to happen (very nice). You're trying to expose this scandal, but when you were in charge of Smackdown! you helped him become World Champion, and when Edge dumped you, you did the same to Dolph Ziggler. Instead of all of that, they've been asking you 'who are ya' (crowd start again) and you should take a second to answer them, and you're not a cougar, you're a toffee-nosed slapper, something donkey.
Vickie: How dare you. Somebody sent me this hotel security footage. Oh, look there's AJ, making sure the coast is clear, that sneaky little exhibitionist in a bath robe?! Oh, she's knocking on a door? She's very smart, no one is around, as she goes IN!
Cena: Great, she shoots she scores, that's fantastic! That by no means is no evidence. You have AJ in a bath robe going from one room to another. That means nothing.
Vickie: Yes it does, Johnny boy because I have the same footage from a different camera. John, can I ask you a little question? When you put that Do Not Disturb sign on the door knob, that must've been one heck of a business meeting.
Cena: You do realise those are two different cameras. I admit, I was scantatly clad in a towel, hanging a Do Not Disturb sign on the door because I didn't want to be disturbed. Once again manipulating the truth, congratulations.
Vickie: How about we bring AJ out in person?
Crowd really want AJ out. Big "We want AJ" chant. She is up on the Titantron
AJ: Vickie, you don't want me to go out there. Because if I go out there and explain myself, I will give you the beating of your life. And then you'll fire me, and I'll be out of a job, and I won't be able to do what I love to do.
Enter Ziggler.
Ziggler: And AJ, we all know what you love to do.
Vickie cackles in the ring as Cena runs backstage. Ad break.
Heyman is backstage talking to someone:
Heyman: Y'see, the Miz is contemptible he's conniving. he's cowardly. Which is why, sir, in my humble opinion, Team Punk needs someone like you.
Camera pans to Wade Barrett.
Wade Barrett: You know, Paul, this is the same tired routine you tried last week. I refused you back then, and I'm refusing you now, I just don't trust you. You know what, I've reconsidered, but on one condition
Heyman: Okay, I owe you, you got it
Wade Barrett: And I want that in writing
Daniel Bryan is out now, who gets a huge reaction from the crowd as usual.
Tag Team Champion, Daniel Bryan /w Kane vs Cody Rhodes /w Damien Sandow
Cody lands a quick Throat Thrust on Bryan and beats him down with stomps to the chest. Bryan in the corner, is whipped, but flips over, followed by his jumping Clothesline. Bryan lands repeated kicks to Cody, whips him off the ropes but Cody dodges, before being thrown over the top rope. Kane stalks Cody on the outside as Sandow hits Kane from behind. Bryan takes out Sandow from the ring to the floor and Cody hits a Disaster Kick on Bryan off the apron. Back in the ring, Rhodes picks up the rather unexpected win with the Cross Rhodes.
Cody Rhodes wins via pinfall.
Cody: Did you see that? That was an impressive victory from one half of the future tag team champions, Team Rhodes Scholars. My partner Damien Sandow could beat Kane just as easily as I defeated Daniel Bryan.
Sandow, looked smug, then concerned, as he realised Cody intended him to face Kane. Kane brings Sandow in the hard way as we go to another ad break.
Tag Team Champion, Kane vs Damien Sandow
Kane has Sandow in the corner as he rips at his face. Sandow off the ropes is hit with a Back Elbow and Elbow Drop followed by a 2 count. Kane whips Sandow off the ropes followed by a Big Back Body Drop. Sandow in the corner gets beaten down by Kane. Sandow fights out with kicks and forearms Kane shoves Sandow away and quickly retakes control. Kane shoves Sandow into the corner, who jumps up on the middle rope. Sandow eats an Uppercut from Kane, followed by a Big Boot. Rhodes comes up on the apron, trying to distract Kane, but Bryan gets involved and chases him through the ring. The official sends both guys to the back. Sandow looks on as Kane is stood behind him. Sandow pleads with Kane, but Kane delivers a slap followed by a whip to the corner and a corner Clothesline, twice. Sidewalk Slam from Kane, followed by a Top Rope Clothesline. Chokeslam sends Sandow packing for the 3 count.
Kane wins via pinfall.
Up next, Brad Maddox explains his actions at Hell in the Cell.
Cole is in the ring as he welcomes Brad Maddox. Maddox comes out in street clothes. "Who are ya!" chant from the crowd. They should come to England more often. Notice, England. Not UK. England. You are in England. Yes, our "Kingdom" is United but.. nevermind.
Cole: Brad, last week you met with a board of inquiry at WWE Global Headquarters in Stanford Connecticut, to discuss this.
We see the low blow from Maddox on Ryback.
Cole: Brad, what possible explanation can you have for those actions. Are you working with Paul Heyman and WWE Champion, CM Punk?
Maddox: No. That was all me. That was my plan. All my life, all that I've ever wanted to do, was to be a WWE Superstar.
Feed Me More chant starts up
Maddox: All I've ever wanted to be was a WWE Superstar, and for years I tried to get my foot in the door and for years, everybody shut the door in my face. I have sent tapes everywhere, I have sent tapes to the front office of talent relations. I've been to Raw and Smackdown! live events. I once paid £2k for a tryout, and finally after all of that I was given a chance, with a Developmental Contract. And apparently, even down there, I wasn't good enough. Why? Because I'm 6 feet tall, because I way 207 pounds, because I'm not a freak, or because I don't wear a mask, or wear a mohawk.
You can't wrestle chant begins.
Maddox: Even when WWE officials told me that I would never, never, never, never make it to the Main roster of the WWE, my dream didn't die. In fact, it got stronger, because I wanna be somebody! And I don't care how many people tell me that I'm nobody. So, I made a vowel to myself that I would do whatever it takes, to get to the WWE. That's why I became a referee. And when Raw expanded to 3 hours and General Manager AJ Lee called me for a job, all I needed was one chance to make an impact.
Crowd are massively booing this guy.
Maddox: I know what I did wasn't right, that was all me. CM Punk had no idea what I was going to do, he was just as surprised as Ryback was, as all of you were. I made an impact. My actions were very simply driven by my desire to be somebody. I'm somebody now! I'm famous now! People know my name, in England!
Another Who are ya chant.
Maddox: My dream is to be a WWE Superstar. That's why I want a contract, and a match, with Ryback. Because at this point, nobody is going to forget who Brad Maddox is right now. Thank you!
No Chance, such as what you've got! Huuuuuuuuuge pop for the Chairman.
Vince: So let me see, you want a contract huh? You want a contract and you wanna face Ryback. Son it's one thing to be famous, it's another thing to have a death wish. I don't think you did this on your own, I think somehow you and Punk and Heyman are all in on this, and I intend to get to the bottom of it. You want a contract? Okay, I will give you a million dollar contract if next week on Raw, you can beat Ryback. Now get out of my ring. Speaking of contracts, however, bear with me for just a moment.
Vince goes to the back.
Vince: You all know Vickie Guerrero (He brings her out), the supervising manager of Raw, and I assume it's alright to offer that kid a contract. Do you agree that somehow CM Punk is involved. You gotta be, right?
Vickie: Yes sir.
Vince: So therefore, why would you reward CM Punk, at Survivor Series, hiding behind all these men in a Survivor Series tag team match. Why wouldn't you have CM Punk defend his Championship? You were thinking that, weren't you? I thought so. And you were going to have CM Punk defend his championship against...?
Vickie: Mr. Money in the Bank, Dolph Ziggler?
Vince: Not quite, I was thinking you were going to say someone who got screwed at Hell in a Cell.
Vickie: ....Ryback?
Vince: Ryback! And it shouldn't be one on one, it should be a triple threat match. You were thinking Punk vs Ryback vs? And if you say Dolph Ziggler I will fire you on the spot.
Vickie: Uh, I don't think this is a good idea, because if the person you're thinking about is who I'm thinking about, that person is in a scandal.
Vince: He? The he who stepped aside to allow Ryback a chance at Hell in a Cell, the person who drew with Punk? That would be?
Vickie: johncena.
Vince: Sorry, who?
Vickie: ...John Cena!
Vince: Vickie doesn't always make the best decisions or most popular decisions, but sometimes she makes the right decisions. Congratulations, Vickie Guerrero!
Sheamus comes out for a match as we go to break. So, is this another way for Vince to undermine Mick Foley, or something? I get that the title needs to be defended, but this is just another glaring example of WWE's incapability of keeping to one idea. Think ahead, you silly idiots. I get that you can't think too far ahead, because there are so many things that could go wrong, with injuries etc. but you can have a plan A and a plan B, surely? It's not hard. I'm sorry, but it's not hard to think of something for people to do over a month, two month, three month etc, period. Think where you want them to go and give them a chance. Not confident in their ability to put themselves over on the mic? Give them a manager. That's the whole point in managers. Not convinced with their wrestling ability? Put them in tag teams for a while, or put them in a feud with a true ring General.
Anyway, we're back with Miz making his entrance. Before he gets to the ring, Big Show makes his way out, to scout the match.
Sheamus vs The Miz
Sheamus with a quick side headlock followed by a shoulder knock down. Side headlock take over from Sheamus, but Miz whips him off the ropes. Miz attempts a Hip Toss but Sheamus counters with a Clothesline and 2 count. Sheamus goes for his Grenade Thumps on Miz on the apron but Miz struggles free. Sheamus takes Miz down and hits Elbow Drops on Miz for a 2 count. Miz hits a kick to the gut on Miz and beats him down in the corner. Sheamus fights out with punches to the gut and head. Sheamus whips Miz to the corner but Miz tries to get up and over Sheamus. Sheamus catchse him and hits a Steamroller on Miz. Miz counters Sheamus and hits a big Clothesline for a 1 count. Miz beats on Sheamus on the floor followed by a rear Headlock. Dueling chants between two men from the crowd. Miz goes for a suplex but Sheamus counters with a suplex of his own, hanging Miz up on the top rope. Sheamus goes for those Grenade Thumps (my name for them) on Miz on the apron. He gets all ten of them and punches Miz off the apron and to the floor. Miz pushes Sheamus into the announce desk and into the ring post, much to the delight of Show. Miz shoves him in the ring and delivers a kick to the face which got a 2 count. Miz slaps on a rear headlock as we go to another ad break.
We're back as Miz whips Sheamus into the corner and hits his patented Clothesline. Ax Handle off the top rope from Miz sees a two count. Sheamus, now hung up on the middle rope, is having Miz squeeze his neck with his knee and jumps on the back of him. Miz slams Sheamus face first on the apron as Sheamus falls to the floor. Both men are outside the ring now as Miz whips Sheamus into the ring steps. Both are now in the ring as Miz slaps a rear headlock on Sheamus. Show is toying with Cole at ringside, which is enjoyable. Miz jumps on the back of Sheamus, maintaining the headlock on Sheamus. Sheamus jumps backwards to break it up and both men are down. Miz hits his Back Breaker/Neck Breaker combo for a 2 count. Miz kicks Sheamus in the ribs as he's down, and drives his foot across Sheamus's throat. Miz, continous the aggression on Sheamus in the corner on the mat. Miz goes for his corner Clothesline but Sheamus fights out with Ax Handles of his own, as well as a running knee to the gut. Miz tries to fight out but Sheamus hits a Pumphandle Slam for a 2 count. Sheamus goes for the Irish Curse Backbreaker but Miz fights out with elbows. Sheamus now up to the top rope and hits a jumping Shoulderblock for 2. Sheamus goes for White Noise but Miz throws him in the corner and tries to roll him up but only gets 2. Miz with a Snap DDT gets 2 and a half. Miz goes for another running boot but Sheamus counters and attempts the Cloverleaf but Miz shoves him away. Sheamus misses with the Brogue Kick but Miz dodges and goes for the Skull Crushing Finale. Sheamus fights out with elbows and hits the White Noise. Sheamus sets up for the Brogue kick in the corner, which he connects with for the 1, 2, 3.
Sheamus wins via pinfall.
Post-match, Big Show gets up and holds his World Heavyweight Championship high above his head, as both he and Sheamus stare each other down.
Backstage in front of Mr McMahon's office is Ziggler pacing up and down. Vickie comes out
Vickie: You're going to be very happy. Not only are you on the team, you are leading the team. Team Ziggler.
Punk shows up.
Punk: Well I'm real happy that you're happy. We're all happy right now aren't we? You know the only reason you're the captain is because this cranky old bastard is trying to screw me. How is it fair that you're the captain of my team and I have to defend my title against Ryback and Cena? He's trying to get revenge for me beating him up a few weeks ago.
Vickie: Tonight's main event is you, the WWE Champion and Dolph Ziggler tagging up to face Ryback and Cena.
Punk: What is wrong with her? What is wrong with her? What is wrong with her? What is wrong with her? What is wrong with her? Grrrr!
Uh, promo for Fandangoo showed. Whoever that's going to be, it's going to be annoying.
WILLIAM REGAL! I LOVE YOU WILLIAM REGAL! WILLIAM REGAL I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! LOVE LOVE LOVE!
Anyway, he's backstage chatting with Sheamus. I couldn't really hear what was being said because I was swooning over Regal. I did hear Regal asking if Sheamus wanted to go for a pint, which is ridiculous, because Regal is a recovering alcoholic, isn't he?
Eve is out now, for a match, obviously. She's tagging with Aksana. Good God. I mean, really, I'm sorry and I know it's trendy to bash the Divas, but snore.
Eve and Aksana vs Layla and Kaitlyn
Aksana starts with Layla. Aksana does a stripper dance for no apparent reason. Layla goes for a few quick pinning combinations early. Layla then slaps Aksana in the butt, then hits her face with her own butt. Oh God! GOD! This is so bad. SO BAD. I actually fear for Layla's safety because there is no way in hell that Aksana should qualify as a PROFESSIONAL wrestler. I'm not going to look at the rest of this match, I'm just going to rant until it's over, because quite frankly that's more interesting.
I'm sick and tired of these glorified models stepping in the ring to wrestle. Do they have a place in the wrestling world? Yeah, they do. They're great as escorts/managers and can really help establish heat for a wrestler (or wrestlers), such as Rosa Mendes. She has no place in actually wrestling, unless she actually spends time learning and perfecting her craft. In my mind, it is completely disrespectful to put two, or more, women in the ring and let them scream and just pull each other's hair and botch the fuck out of every actual wrestling move available to them. It's also incredibly dangerous, and that's how injuries occur. Trish Stratus is the best example of someone who went from being a valet manager to being considered one of the greatest female wrestlers of all time. Lita is another who clearly wanted to be a good wrestler, and it showed as she is definitely up there as one of the best of all time. Oh, it's over now. In closing, no one is going to take women's wrestling seriously until they do. End.
Layla and Kaitlyn win via pinfall.
Del Rio and Rodriguez are backstage. Del Rio is complaining about how Ziggler is the team captain, and how Del Rio isn't. Rodriguez feels Del Rio is the captain. Del Rio turns around and bumps into Rosa Mendes, who excuses herself. Del Rio tells her no problem with a smile on his face, and walks off. Dunno what that was. Anyway, Del Rio's in action next.
Kofi Kingston is out, who I guess is Del Rio's opponent.
Intercontinental Champion, Kofi Kingston vs Alberto Del Rio
ADR is introduced by Ricardo as per usual. ADR is driving a DB9. Gorgeous car. ADR starts by taking advantage with Kofi in the corner. Ref breaks it up and ADR lands a kick to the mid-section of Kofi before using a Headlock Take Down. Kofi bounces off the ropes but ADR counters with a shoulderblock. ADR bounces off the rope as Kofi jumps over him twice before hitting a Jumping Back Elbow. Kofi with a Front Face Lock, followed by an Arm Wrench. ADR counters with a Front Face Lock of his own, but Kofi struggles out and wrenches the arm of ADR again. Both men in the corner and ADR lands some kicks and beats down Kofi to the floor. Kofi reverses a whip to the corner and jumps up for 5 punches to the head. Kofi rolls off ADR and hits an Uppercut. ADR counters with another kick to the mid-section and whips Kofi to the corner. Kofi jumps up and over and gives ADR a Headscissors followed by dropkick. Kofi charges but is flipped over ADR. Kofi lands on the apron and is distracted by Ricardo. ADR takes advantage and knocks him off the apron. Kofi is sent into the security wall. ADR goes for the cover back in the ring for 2 and slaps on a Body Scissors. Kofi fights out but is met with a Tilt-A-Whirl Backbreaker by ADR. Snap Suplex from ADR followed by a pin attempt. Body Scissors again by ADR. Kofi separates and fights back with a forearm. Kofi lands a Schoolboy Roll Up on ADR for 2 but ADR fights back with aggressive stomps to Kofi. Stiff kick to the ribs by ADR, who then ties Kofi up on the middle rope. ADR, with Kofi goes up to the top rope, uses the ropes as an ally as he puts Kofi in an Arm Bar until the count of 4. ADR charges Kofi, who dodges and hits slaps on ADR before hitting the Boom Drop. Crowd is largely dead for this. Kofi sets up for Trouble in Paradise, which misses. Del Rio kicks Kofi and goes for the Cross Armbreaker. S.O.S. by Kofi gets a 2 and a half. ADR shoves Kofi into the corner and charges but gets kicked in the face. Kofi goes for the Springboard, Top Rope Crossbody but misses. ADR signals for the Cross Armbreaker but Randy Orton's music hits. ADR, distracted, gets rolled up by Kofi for the 3 count and win.
Kofi Kingston wins via pinfall.
ADR looks towards the stage in annoyance, but Randy turns up behind him to deliver an RKO. My official prediction at Survivor Series is Alberto Del Rio winning.
Team Co-Bro (Zack Ryder & Santino Marella) vs. Primo & Epico /w Rosa Mendes
Marella and Primo start off in the ring. Marella takes advantage with an Arm Lock on Primo, but Primo quickly counters with one of his own. Marella back again with a Side Headlock and Arm Drag. Marella goes for another Arm Drag but completely misses. Santino asks for a time out but Primo doesn't give him one. Primo whips Santino off the ropes, who proceeds to power walk from one side to another. Primo goes for a Clothesline but Santino dodges and tags Ryder in. Ryder rolls Primo up for 2 and hits a Flapjack for another 2 count. Ryder goes for a Crossbody on Primo but misses and hits the ropes. Primo beats on Ryder in the corner and tags in Epico. Epico quickly tags Primo back in, as they double team Ryder. Primo mocks Marella before going for the cover on Ryder for 2. Primo knocks Marella down. Marella tries to get in as Ryder rolls Primo up. The ref didn't see the cover as he was dealing with Santino. Epico tagged in now as he hits a rather nice Dropkick on Ryder for 2. Headlock by Primo is short-lived as Ryder fights out. Ryder goes to tag Santino but is stopped and brought to his opponent's corner. Primo back in with a stiff kick to the back of Ryder. 2 count from Primo followed by a Rear Headlock. Primo goes for a Supelx but Ryder flips over, lands on his feet and hits a Neckbreaker on Primo. Santino tagged in as Epico is tagged in. Santino with his punches and splits before the Hip Toss and Salute Headbutt. Primo breaks up the pin attempt but eats a Rough Ryder from Zack Ryder. Epico is the legal man as Santino sets up and hits the Cobra for the win.
Team Co-Bro win via pinfall.
Brodus Clay is out now. I'm tired of him, now. His opponent is Wade Barrett, who gets a nice pop, of course. COME ON, BABY!
The Phenomenal Wade Barrett vs brodusclay
Am I biased? No. Crowd are firmly behind Barrett, as expected. Brodus overpowers Wade to begin with but Wade fights back with kicks. Brodus takes control much to the dismay of the crowd. T-Bone Suplex from Brodus, which was quite nice, followed by a Leg Drop. Let's go Barrett! chant from the crowd. That's right. Barrett hits a beautiful Winds of Change Side Slam on Brodus followed by punches to the face. Aggressive stomps to Brodus, who is dangling out the ring. Engerland, Engerland, Engerland chant. Great stuff. Screw you, Cameron and Naomi, covering your ears. Rear headlock from Wade. Let's go Barrett! Knee to the gut from Barrett as he maintains the Headlock. Clotheslines from Brodus followed by a running headbutt. Brodus splashes Wade in the corner and whips him to the opposite side. Wade side-steps and kicks him in the mid section. Wade hits the Souvenir Elbow for the win. Crowd go mad for him, and rightly so.
WINNER = WADE BARRET VIA PINFALL. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Don't do a segment in a pub. Please, no. Good. The 3MB are out next. That is, 3 Man Band. Heath Slater is out accompanied by Jinder Mahal. No Drew? Come on! That thing with his wife was A) Years ago and B) Not his fault. Give the guy a break. Unless he's done something else bad.
Usos are out next, doing their Samoan Rugby thing. Jey Uso is Heath Slater's opponent. It's nice that they've taken the tag team scene, ignored ALL the teams they currently have, with the exception of PTP and created three teams of their own to lead the division. Stupid! as Ryback would say. Anyway, the match.
Heath Slater /w Jinder Mahal vs Jey Uso /w Jimmy Uso
Jey hits a Scoop Slam on Slater followed by a Leg Drop. Whip off the ropes followed by a knock down. Slater, in the corner counters with a kick to the gut and strikes. Jey reverses and strikes Slater before being pulled away by the ref. Slater knocks Jey down with a kick and slaps on a Chinlock. Slater taunts the crowd, which Jey takes advantage of with a few strikes, but Slater whips him into the turnbuckle, chest first. 2 count for Slater who slaps a Headlock on Jey. Jey fights out and is whipped before eating quite a nice kick from Slater for a 2. Reverse Chinlock from Slater. Jey rolls through and hits a kick to the gut of Slater. Slater off the ropes and eats a Sweet Chin Music inspired kick from Jey. Jey goes up top and goes for a Superfly Splash. Slater gets his knees up and hits his finisher, the Smash Hit for the win. Is Slater wearing eye make-up now?
Heath Slater wins via pinfall.
CM Punk is out with Paul Heyman following the ad break. This is where my fingers are really going to hurt.
CM Punk: Let me recap for everybody who hasn't been paying attention for the last few weeks. At Hell in a Cell I beat the undefeated monster Ryback. Ever since then people have been trying to take my victory because they're jealous. They like to point fingers and say we had something to do with the rogue referee. Even though Brad Maddox told you all that he acted alone. And now at Survivor Series Team Punk is being demoted to Team Ziggler. And Vince is continuing his tradition at Survivor Series by screwing his top talent. All of you want to see Ryback or John Cena take from me which is rightfully mine for 351 days. What an amazing accomplishment! and for 351 days I have proven that I am better than everybody here in this arena, I am better than everybody superstar in the back, I am better than anyone world wide. I have not just survived for 351 days, I have set the bar higher than anyone can.
CM Punk chant
CM Punk: At Survivor Series I will celebrate 364 days as WWE Champion, my reign of excellence, of dominance will continue. I will prove with documented fact that I am the BEST. IN THE WORRRRRLD!
Ziggler makes his entrance for the tag team main event. Cena is out next to start for his team. Thanks for the bum shot of Ziggler there, cameraman. Ryback out last. Interesting.
We're back from the ad break with Cena and CM Punk starting in the ring. Tie up from both men with Punk taking advantage with a side headlock take down. Cena with the leg scissors traps Punk's head. Punk fights out and jumps over to apply another side headlock on Cena. Cena powers out and takes CM Punk down with a snapmare and headlock of his own. Fair play, Cena has DEFINITELY improved. No one can deny that. He's actually quite good given the right opponent. Cena knocks Punk down with a shoulderblock, so Punk tags Ziggler in who is met with an arm drag from Cena. Cena with a front face lock on Ziggler, but Ziggler fights out with a kick to the gut, and punches to the face. Ziggler whips Cena but Cena counters with a Bulldog. Ziggler tags Punk in, who whips Cena to the corner chest first. Stomps by Punk on Cena, who is on the mat, followed by a tag to Ziggler. Wishbone by the two gentlemen. Ziggler hits a Neckbreaker followed by a series of 10 elbows, then a jumping elbow. That's impressive endurance. Ziggler goes for a pin, which gets 2, then does sit ups next to Cena. Cena takes advantage with a pin attempt. Ziggler regains advantages and tags Punk back in. Punk hits his high knee in the corner but doesn't follow with the bulldog. CM Punk with knees to the mid-section of Cena and goes for the GTS. Cena fights out and goes for the AA. Punk fights out and hits a Roundhouse Kick to Cena's head and a 2 count. Front face lock by Punk keeps Cena grounded. Cena fights out and hits an Attitude Adjustment on Punk. Doesn't really get much of a reaction. Punk tags Ziggler in, who stops Cena from tagging Ryback. Ziggler buries his foot in Cena's neck, as he reminds the ref that he has 'til 5. Cena hits an elbow on Ziggler as he bounces off the ropes and both men are down. Ziggler hits the Fameasser on Cena for a 2 count. Punk back in as the crowd chant Feed Me More. Punk with a neckbreaker on Cena gets him a count of 2. Punk with a figure four on Cena's head and neck. Cena turns Punk over and gets him up on his shoulders for an Electric Chair Drop. God JR is brilliant, isn't he? Elbow drop from Punk, keeps Cena on the mat. Mongolian Chop by Punk sends Cena into their corner. Ziggler tagged in, who kicks Cena in the head. Standing Dropkick from Ziggler gets a 2 count. Ziggler goes up top for a high risk move, and goes for a missile dropkick, but Cena moves out of the way. Both men are down as the crowd anticipate the hot tag. Hot tag to Ryback as Punk is tagged in. Two stiff clotheslines followed by a big back body drop from Ryback. Ziggler jumps in and eats a clothesline. Punk off the ropes gets a spinebuster from Ryback. Ziggler thrown into the corner gets Military Pressed onto a fallen Punk and clotheslined out of the ring. Ryback fires the crowd up as he sets up for the Meat Hook Clothesline. Finish Him, as he sets Punk up for Shell Shocked, which he hits for the 1, 2, 3.
Ryback and John Cena win via pinfall.
Smart to keep Ryback in for about 2 minutes, while John Cena, the veteran of the two, carried the entire work load. Cena is now up on the apron, looking at Ryback, as Ryback chants Feed Me More. Music stops as both men stare at each other. Ryback starts up the Feed Me More Chants as Raw goes off the air.
And that was that. It was a fairly action-packed episode, and I enjoyed it. I didn't like the Team Fiasco, simply because it seemed completely unnecessary. It's smart to have a Triple Threat match at Survivor Series, as Cena can help carry the match. The main event was a surprise, as Cena was made to look quite weak, whereas Ryback was made to look like he was the best in the world, beating up these jobbers. Not sure what to think of that, but anyway. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading.
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Tuesday 6 November 2012
Tuesday 30 October 2012
Monday Night Raw Review 29/10/12
Last week took ages, because I was trying to write word-for-word what everyone was saying. I won't do it this time, so I will probably miss a sentence here and there, if I don't hear it or can't type fast enough. Enjoy!
We start Raw recapping the controversial ending to the WWE Championship match last night. CM Punk is introduced. He hobbles out to the ring, showing the damage from last night with taped up ribs. Cole and JR are on commentary this evening as we are in Charlotte, North Carolina. Flair Country. Hmm. Also, Hardy Country, although I think they're South Carolina. Anyway!
CM Punk shakes his head as he says
You all thought he was unbeatable. You all said it couldn't be done. You all thought, no you all knew that I was gonna be just another victim in this trail of bodies left behind by the monster Ryback. Well I proved you all wrong. Hey, Bucket Head (JR), you were wrong. You were wrong. You were wrong. You were wrong. You were wrong. You. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. You were wrong. You were all wrong and you were proven wrong by me. For 344 days I have proved you all wrong. Hell, since day 1 I have been proving you all wrong. I have defeated every single one of your heroes. I've survived everything they've had to offer. I remember when Rey Mysterio thought he could fly at my expense and I snatched him out of the sky and I put him to sleep. I remember the so called Apex Predator told me he was gonna send me to the hospital. Well I proved the Anaconda Vice is better than any Viper. And then there is the resident Superman, John Cena. And yet time and time again I defeat him, and I show him what Kryptonite is. And as far as Ryback is concerned he is not even in the conversation. I do want to take this time to talk about my monumental victory last night, which should be applauded. But ever since that victory it's been marred in controversey, and people have been pointing at me saying I convinced an official to put his hands on Ryback. This will be a hard pill for you to swallow but I had nothing to do with it. I was on Ryback's shoulders and knew that Shell Shocked was coming and I was half right because I was shocked of what happened. I will tell you what I told Vickie Guerrero and that the only thing I am guilty of is taking advantage of a situation because of the rogue referee. That referee is called Brad Maddox. Just to show you how incompetent Maddox is, he was hired by AJ Lee, which should tell you everything right there. It's not the first time he';s shown incompetence. About a month ago he cost me a match so I don't know if this was returning the favour or whatever but trust me when I tell you I had nothing to do with it. You can not believe me, you can hate on me all you want, but the list goes on and on for heroes I have defeated. Triple H, Mr. McMahon, the entire Titan Tower machine that tried to erase me from their history books but I am irrerasable, I am the best in the world. And I can stand here in the middle of this ring and proudly say I am WWE Champion for 344 days. And I look at Ryback differently, because I see him in my rear view mirror. I will go on to better things and.... I WILL NOT, BE INTERRUPTED! GAH!
Hardcore Legend Mick Foley interrupts, by the way.
That's right everybody hey look it's foley, foley. It's a homeless man who has clearly been displaced from the storm in the north east
Foley: That's good the way you make light of a situation that's effecting millions in America., Stay classy punk. It's nice that you've still got your sense of humour considering you were left splattered on top of the cell 245 hours ago
Punk: What's your point mick? Why are you even here? The last time I saw you, the last time the world saw you, you were on the floor after I kicked your ass.
Foley: I didn't come out here, right here, in Charlotte North Caroline, to embarrass you Punk. The way I see it you did an excellent job embarrassing yourself in the cell.
Punk: Did you come here to judge me?
Foley: I'm not here to judge you. I'm here to tell you. Last month I gave you a choice! Did you want a defining moment or did you want to be a statistic? I gave you a chance to live up to the legacy and tradition of HIAC and you blew it!
Punk: Tradition! You're going to bark at me about tradition? Look at me! This is your tradition. This is the same tradition that legends would yell at you about, because you are the one that jumps off roofs and jumps onto barbed wire to win a match. This is what your tradition does to superstars so don't yell at me about tradition. No, I don't suck, I'm not from Charlotte North Carolina!
Crowd continue to chant 'You suck'
Here we go, yeah, give me all you got I have an idea. You wanna bark to me about tradition? This, for 344 days and we're approaching SS the same PPV in which I won this title. You keep popping up like a bad penny. Seems to me you wanna do something about it. Let's have a traditional survivor series match. Yeah, yeah, Team Foloey against Team Punk.
Foley:Your team against my team. Team foley against Team Punk... you're on.
Punk: I'll tell you right now, whoever you pick...
FEED ME. Ryback marches to the ring, and Punk hightails it outta there, along with Heyman. Ad break.
Ryback is in a match against JTG. This should be a SLOBBERKNOCKER! RIP JTG.
Goldberg chants start up already. JTG tries to dodge Ryback but Ryback grabs him by the head and drops him to the mat. He picks JTG up and slams him in front of him. In the corner, Ryback whips JTG across and charges. JTG dodges but Ryback scouts it and hits a very surprising Lous Thesz press, followed by slamming the back of JTG's head against the mat. Ryback picks him up and hits the Meat Hook Clothesline before signalling the end of the squash. Shell Shocked gets a one, two, three. Very surprised by the Lous Thesz press. Ryback does it better than Orton.
Post-match promo? Blimey.
Josh Matthews: Excuse me Ryback. After the events that happened last night, you must have an appetite for revenge
Ryback: Revenge is a confession of pain. I am not hurt, I am hungry. And when I feast again, it will be on CM Punk. Feed! Me! Punk! Feed! Me! Punk! Feed! Me! Punk!
Short and sweet, as it probably should be. Ryback's actions will almost always speak louder than words, unless he gets a mouthpiece. Flair? It could happen.
Orton vs Wade Barrett now. I love Wade. Dunno if I've made that clear yet. The reason for this match is because they had a match on Smackdown! that Barrett WON! Even though Del Rio distracted Orton, that's not the point.
Collar and elbow tie up starts with Wade forcing Orton in the corner. The ref breaks it up as Wade points to Orton's injured arm from last night. Wade with a headlock on Orton, who fights out with forearms and whips Wade followed by a dropkick. Barrett rolls outside but Orton runs after him and goes for a clothesline. Wade ducks and wrenches Orton's arm. Orton counters by bouncing Wade's head on the steps. Wade head first on the Spanish announce table and is tossed back in the ring. Methodical stomps by Orton on Wade. Knee drop and head stomp by Orton, the sick bastard. Barrett fights back with straight punches to the gut and head. Orton off the ropes, hangs on and Barrett charges with a boot but misses. With Barrett caught on the ropes, Orton clotheslines him out of the ring as we hit an ad break.
We're back with Wade working over Orton's arm. Clever boy. Orton breaks it with headbutts but eats a knee to the gut by Wade and a 2 count. Wade goes right back to the arm of Orton. Orton clubs Wade so Wade drives his leg across Orton's arm. Orton sells the arm well, clutching it in pain as Wade brings him up and sends him shoulder first into the turnbuckle. Arm wringer by Barrett saw a 2 count. Barrett drives his knee into the back of Orton's head with the assistance of the ropes, and pulls his neck over the top rope before delivering knee shots to the ribs of Orton. Wade backs up and hits a running big boot on Orton, who lands on the apron. Barrett happy with what he's done. Me too! Barrett goes for the cover but gets two. Arm bar by Barrett keeps Orton in control. Orton back up, sends Barrett to the corner before hitting his clotheslines and powerslam. By the way, I've never considered Preston near Manchester. Screw you, Cole. Orton goes for the rope DDT, which connects. Orton sells the arm before taunting Wade, setting up for the RKO. Wade counters the RKO with the WINDS OF CHANGE, COLE! 2 count for Barrett. Barrett signals for the Souvenir Elbow, but Orton ducks it and hits an RKO for the win. Not surprising.
When are they going to put Wade in the main event? He should be on Team Punk. We'll see.
AJ Lee and Vickie are backstage
Vickie: Excuse me? Miss Lee. I've asked you to be here tonight so you can explain your affair with John Cena.
AJ: I did not have an affair with John Cena, we are just friends.
Vickie: Don't raise your voice at me y'know the board of directors did fire you based on your actions. And they've asked me to consider hiring you back as an in-ring performer. As managing supervisor of Raw, the board of directors have entrusted me to see if you have what it takes to succeed under my administration. Is there a problem Miss Lee?
AJ: No.
Vickie: Okay, I have all the information I need. Good day.
AJ: Wait. I'm sorry. I want to compete, I want to perform again.
Vickie: Great, then we'll start with our first question. What do you consider to be your biggest weakness?
AJ: I don't know, I guess I can be too emotionally attached to my job
Vickie: Are you telling me that you're crazy? Heh, never mind look when I come back to my office, I want you to give me one good reason why I should issue you a contract, haha.
Ad break.
Team Hell No vs Prime Time Players
Daniel Bryan out first, closely followed by Kane for this non-title tag match. Bryan and Young start the match with Young beating Bryan down in the corner. Whip to the corner is dodged by Bryan who takes Young down, followed by kicks to the chest. Kane tags himself in, which annoys Bryan. Kane gets hung up on the ropes but gives Young a Throat Thrust followed by corner clothesline as Bryan tags himself in. Bryan hits Young with the running front dropkick in the corner Kane was standing, then backs away quickly so Kane couldn't tag himself in again. Titus O'Neil tags in and knocks Bryan down, followed by a Scoop Slam. Bryan fights back with hits to the mid-section but Titus shoves him away, followed by a Power Slam and cover for 2. Young back in with a double shoulder block followed by an Elbow Drop to the back of Bryan. Young with a knee to the back of Bryan slaps on a reverse chin lock. Waist lock by Young, as Bryan fights back with elbows and forearms. Young counters with a knee to the gut and attempts a back suplex, but Bryan flips over it and hits a running, jumping clothesline. Kane tags himself in and unloads on Young in the corner. Whipped to the opposite sides, Kane delivers clotheslines in each corner before hitting his Side Slam for a 2 count. Kane goes up for his clothesline, which he connects with, then delivers a right hand to Titus, who tried to enter the match. Young tries to take advantage but eats a Chokeslam from Kane. Titus in, but Kane grabs him by the throat and throws him out. Bryan tags himself in and puts the No Lock on Young, who taps out. Bryan celebrates, grabbing both titles and proudly shouting 'I'm the tag team champions!' Kane is stood behind me, Bryan slowly turns round and still yells as Kane sets off his Pyro. Both men argue in the ring.
Standard tag match, I guess. I don't think it actually meant anything, to be honest, unless a title shot is in the Prime Time Players future. Ad break.
We're back and they go over what happened at the start of the show. The announcers go over the now infamous Brad Maddox, and how this isn't his first mistake, as they show last month's Raw when Maddox counted the pin despite Punk's foot being on the ropes. They then show us Maddox's low blow to Ryback, leading to CM Punk's victory at Hell in a Cell.
Vickie Guerrero is out now:
"My name is Vickie Guerrero. and I am here to reassure all of you that this is a new era of Monday Night Raw, filled with credibility and integrity. All week on twitter I promised you, the WWE Universe, that I would bring forth hard evidence proving that John Cena and AJ Lee had an inappropriate relationship. Tonight I have kept my promise, so ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the superstar at the heart of the AJ scandal, John Cena.'
Enter Cena. Bllllllllllllllllllllabadooo! Or whatever.
'I wanna thank you guys for being kind enough to put up with this, Vickie I thought your actions last week were outrageous. And than you went to social networking and told the world that you had undeniable proof of some sort of relationship between myself and AJ. The reason I am out here with you tonight is to clear all this up. Please, show the world your.. proof.'
Vickie Guerrero: 'Well John I'd be happy to, shall we start with the footage from 3 weeks ago from this very ring, when you asked AJ on a date'
Cena: Yep, that's right, in this very ring I asked AJ out to In and Out burger, and in this very ring I've referred to myself as the fighting fruity pebble, the one-armed man... it was a joke. Everyone here understood it, everyone here understood it
Vickie: Haha, what about last week?
They show last week where Cena and AJ hugged
Cena: Yeah. that one's easy. Aj just lost her job, because of you. It's a job she never thought she had, a job she's wanted for her whole life. She didn't lose it because of bad decisions, she lost it because of you. I was consoling her'
Vickie: So, are you trying to say good friends meet over romantic dinners?
Vickie shows a picture of Cena and AJ having dinner
Cena: That, was the dinner I told the world about last week. I had dinner with AJ. A business dinner to discuss when I would return from injusry
Vickie: John, you are pathetic, you seem to have an answer for everything, so let's try this footage
They show Cena at an elevator, inviting AJ in.
Vickie: Let's just paint the picture right now, shall we? AJ's giving you googly eyes. She's giving you the sweet little, with her body language. Would you be in an elevator saying, maybe come here? Seems very interesting.
Crowd chant "you are busted!" Hahahahaha. Excellent/
Cena: I know how that looks. Vickie laughs. AJ had lost her job, she came out of the elevator to confront you, but I convinced her not to. All you saw was two people getting into an elevator, that's it.
Vickie: Are you telling me two people got into an elevator and just went their separate ways?
Cena: No, no. I've been honest so far I will continue to be. We got into the elevator, I walked her to her door, that was it.
Vickie: Did she perhaps open her door? Did you perhaps walk in? Did she then give you the googly eyes? Did you smell her sweet perfume? did you happen to just say goodnight to each other? Y';know what it's a good thing I'm in charge of Monday Night Raw because I would not have faith in that disgusting, psychotic. unstable --
Cena: Enough, woah woah. You can call me all the names you want, but when it comes to AJ, she is stronger, more resilient and certainly more attractive than you will ever be.
Vickie: Once again, from John Cena's mouth, you think AJ is resilient? You thin she is attractive?
Cena: I said... she was attrac.. I mean more attrac--
I'M HERE TO SHOW THE WORLD, I'M HERE TO SHOW THE WORRRRRLD
Ziggler: John come on, I think we've all seen enough to draw our own conclusion here. Because of your inability to control your sophomoric urges. Myself, and the entire WWE universe see you and AJ for what you really ar---
Cena: Listen real good. You like to talk, just make sure you never mention my or AJ's name in the same sentence again.
Cena shoves Ziggler to the floor. RUDE. Ad break.
Miz is ringside as Cesaro is in the ring.
Cesaro: While travelling this country...
USA chant breaks out
Cesaro: While travelling this country as YOUR United States Champion, I discovered something. America, has the fattest children in the world! And to make things even worse, Halloween is coming up. That silly American holiday where Obese kids go door to door, begging sweets from irresponsible idiotic adults who don't see a crisis even if it's stood right in front of them dressed up as a fat power range. Now. more than ever, America needs Antonio Cesaro as THEIR United States Champion.
I gotta say, I completely agree with that promo. I can't stand Halloween. Kingston enters for this Champion vs Champion match.
Cesaro starts with a judo hip toss and elbow followed by a straight headbutt to the face. Kingston in the corner gets thrown but Kingston cartwheels out of it. Kingston whipped into the corner, but kicks Cesaro in the face as he charges in. Cesaro hangs Kingston up on the ropes and hits a running knee followed by fall away slam. Scoop slam by Cesaro followed by a double foot stomp. Arm lock on the mat by Cesaro. Kingston struggles out of it with elbows to the gut, but Cesaro hits a knee. Kingston hits an elbow followed by a powerful front dropkick, sending Cesaro out of the ring. Cesaro goes for a clothesline outside the ring but Kingston steps up the ring steps and hits a superman punch. Kingston starts talking trash to Miz and Cesaro takes advantage. Kingston counters by throwing Cesaro over the announce booth and into Miz. There was no need for that. Miz, understandably pissed off, goes after Kingston, causing the disqualification. Cesaro and Miz beat down Kingston before R-Truth comes out in a really brown suit and chases Miz off. Cesaro goes to attack R-Truth but Truth sends him packing, too.
Match didn't really get started. It wasn't about that match, it was about setting up possible storylines, which is fine with me.
We're back with AJ and Vickie in the ring:
Vickie: John Cena said out there about your relationship, you have to admit you care a littlebit about him
AJ: Nothing is going on and you know it okay
Vickie: Just tell me something, how was the pillow talk and did he give you a goodnight kiss. Was it romantic and sweet? Just admit you care for John Cena. I'll put you on my roster, you'll be a diva.
AJ: No. I'm not going to do that because nothing happened. I don't know who gave you those pictures or video, but I refuse... look, Vickie, the WWE means everything to me, but you are not worth lying for, for hurting John or shredding my dignity.
Vickie: Wait. You're hired. But under one condition, if you ever lay a hand on me, you will never ever be allowed around this company again. So, welcome back to work and for tonight your first match will be against Beth Phoenix.
AJ: Thanks Vickie!
Aj bounds off, smiling, much to the confusion of Vickie.
Oh God, they do a VH1 style behind the music thing. I'm not going to write what they say, but I'll sum it up. The main way I can justify it is by reminding myself that at least Drew McIntyre is on TV, even if he's a Bret Michaels character. Ad break.
The 3MB are in the ring as we're back. They're against Zack Ryder and Santino Marella. Team Co-Bro.
Looks like it'll be Mahal and Slater wrestling. No McIntyre, then. Shame. Mahal beats Ryder down before whipping him in the corner. Ryder lifts his knees up and hits a missile dropkick. Ryder with a forearm to Mahal who then sets up for the Broski Boot, which connects. Slater distracts Ryder who gets hung up on the ropes. Slater tags in and beats on Ryder before whipping him in the corner for a quick tag to Mahal. Mahal does the same and Slater in with a jumping forearm smash for a 2 count. Slater sends Ryder back in the corner with another tag to Mahal who hits a running jumping knee to the face of Ryder. 2 count and another tag to Slater. Chin lock by Slater on the mat. Santino plays cheerleader on the apron. Slater sends Ryder into the corner and goes for a forearm but Ryder moves and tags Santino in. Santino with his comeback set, strikes followed by the splits, hip toss and headbutt for a pin that is interrupted by Mahal. Ryder sends Mahal out the ring and Santino puts on that bloody cobra sock. Santino goes for the Cobra but McIntyre distracts Marella. Santino off the ropes, hits McIntyre with a jumping Cobra but Slater hits his finisher on Santino for the win. 3MB celebrate in the ring as we hit another ad break.
Jerry Lawler returns in 2 weeks. Good for him, glad to see he's better.
AJ Lee is out for her match against Beth Phoenix.
They stare each other down before Beth shoves AJ. AJ slowly walks up toe Beth before being shoved down by Beth. Beth dares AJ to do something about it, and calls her a failure. AJ goes mad and takes Beth down with slaps. She jumps on Beth's back, smashing her in the back but Beth overpowers AJ. Beth throws AJ out of the ring and slams her back-first into the apron. Is Beth leaving? Is she not? What's going on there? 2 count for Beth. AJ rolls Beth up with an inside cradle for a very surprising 3 count. Wasn't expecting that, but okay.
Vickie out
AJ, you know for a girl who wants to be a superstar more than anything else in the world, i demand a lot more from you
Beth Phoenix knocks AJ down
AJ, you really need to pay a lot more attention out there, so I'm going to give you one more chance to do better. So referee, please start the match
Match is restarted, as Beth hits the Glam Slam for the 3 count.
I'm still not massively impressed with the graphics of WWE 13. I'm sure it's just me. I guess it's not about the graphics. Anyway! Sheamus is up next to make some bullshit excuse as to why he lost. Or he'll say "Yeah I lost, but I want a rematch, fella! FELLLAAAAAA FELLAFELLA FELLAAAAAAAA!"
Sheamus is all smiles as he comes out. YOU LOST, SHEAMUS! TURN HEEL SO I CAN LIKE YOU AGAIN. He may as well be heel, the cocky knob.
How is doin'? So I'm standing out here tonight, without a championship around my waist, but a smile on my face. Now you're probably asking how can you smile 24 hours after losing your championship to Big Show. aren't you dissappointed? Of course i'm disappointed. No one likes to lose, especially me. I'm going to hold my hands up and say last night big show was the better man. I mean, he knocked me out. It took two KO punches to do it, but he knocked me out. I mean, here's the thing I didn't come to WWE to always win. I cam here to FIGHT! And last night was the greatest fight of my entire life. I mean I stood toe to toe with a 7 foot 500 pound giant and I pushed him to the limit fella. That's why I cam to WWE and what a match it was. Big show kicking out of the brogue kick, me kicking out of the KO punch, the crowd on their feet! But ultimately Big Show scored with the decisive blow and won the match. He won the battle, but this war is far from ever. Because right now I am dying to get back into the ring with Big show. I am dying for another fight. It's not going to be a fight ,or a battle, it's going to be an all out war. And when that war is over, I'll still be standing here with a smile on my face, and the World Heavyweight Championship back where it belongs. Around my waist.
Enter Big Show.
Ah it looks good doesn't it? Doesn't it look good on my shoulder? The World Heavyweight Champion, the Big Show! Haha, I told you I could do it. And you're out here with your smiles, like everything's all fine and dandy. I know why you're smiling, you're hiding the truth, that both you and I know. You gave me everything you had, even your Brogue Kick with all your Hooligan friends, and what happened? You came up short, didn't you? I did what I said I would do. I walked in, knocked you out, and walked out the winner. Don't boo me! How can you boo me for telling the truth?! You wanna talk about battles, wars, how you're going to rise above. That fight took me to levels I didn't think I could reach. Of everyone, you took me to a place no one else could. Whatever you bring, it isn't going to be enough. I wipe smiles off people faces and I enjoy it. Sheamus look at me you red-headed ginger snap. (nice) You. Can't. Beat me. And you will never take this championship from me. (I missed some of that because my daughter was having a loud conversation with the sofa.
Y'know what Show that was a magnificent speech. Congratulations on the World Heavyweight Championship. I have a question for you, have you ever seen a Ginger snap?
Sheamus picks Show up and hits White Noise. Impressive, to be fair. This feud continues, which is fine. I hope Sheamus won't be quite as annoying this time.
Sin Cara and Mysterio vs Team Rhodes Scholars next.
We're back from break with Cena and AJ backstage.
Cena: Look at you you're back in the ring. We're going to get this straightened out I promise.
Vickie looks on in the background, rubbing her hands together
Beth Phoenix: Vickie, I just wanna stop you and thank you for restarting the match
Vickie: You're welcome, but if you had done your job right in the first place, I wouldn't of had to. It's my duty to inform you that, effective immediately... you're fired
I guess that's my previous questions answered. Well, that sucks.
Mysterio is out, followed by Sin Cara. Rhodes Scholars follow them.
My recording was interrupted, so I missed the front part of the match.
Sandow tags Rhodes in who stomps on Mysterio. Rhodes with Mysterio in the corner, whips him but misses a charge as Mysterio counters with a drop toe hold. Cara tagged in with a double team on Rhodes. Cara dropkicks Rhodes outta the ring then hits an Asai Moonsault on Rhodes. Mysterio hits a rolling senton on Sandow on the outside. Ad break.
Back with three pin attempts from Sandow. Cara goes to tag Rey but Sandow grabs his leg and tags Rhodes in. Rhodes with a stalling front suplex on Cara and a 2 count. Rhodes with a knee to the back as he locks in an armbar. Sandow yells at Cara, telling him to quit, give up and tap out. Cara rolls through and lands kicks to Rhodes, but Rhodes reaches out and tags in Sandow. Sandow buries his knee in Cara's throat. Cara tries to go for Rey but Sandow forces him back to his corner, as he tags in Rhodes. Rhodes goes for the Alabama Slam but Cara rolls out and goes for a pint attempt. Cara hits what looked like his finisher, but wasn't, I don't think. The announcers didn't mention it. Cara gets the hot tag to Rey, who is donned in a Halloween-inspired outfit by the way. Seated senton by Mysterio followed by a headscissors. Mysterio off the ropes lands a kick to Rhodes but Rhodes throws Mysterio out of the ring. Mysterio rolls through and hits a shoulder block on Rhodes. Over-emphasised by Rhodes because Rey didn't land it flush but nevermind! Sandow knocks Mysterio down on the apron, then Rhodes tags Sandow in. Sandow hits his Russian Leg Sweep and the Elbow of Disdain for 2. Rhodes in, beating Mysterio down in the corner as the crowd chant for the 619. Team Rhodes Scholars continue to beat Mysterio down in the corner as Sandow is back in with an attempted supelx. Mysterio counters with a small package for 2 and goes to tag Cara. Sandow stops him and tags Rhodes in. Rhodes hits a knee drop on Mysterio and stomps him down before going for a pin attempt. Rhodes hits a running knee to Mysterio's hand. Bad camera angle, mr. cameraman. Sandow back in and they go for a double stalling suplex, but Mysterio counters with a double DDT. Sin Cara is getting fired up, as Mysterio goes for the hot tag. Cara off the ropes hits a double crossbody. Cara hits the the Tajiri elbow followed by a step-up Enziguri for a 2. Cara with Sandow off the hand goes for the beautiful arm drag off the turnbuckle. Dropkick sends Sandow out, but Rhodes comes in to receive a headscissors by Cara, setting Rhodes up for the 619. Mysterio goes for it by Rhodes ducks out of the way. Rhodes sends Mysterio into the steps but Cara flies out with a corkscrew cross body on Rhodes. Kick to Sandow from Cara who goes for the Swanton Bomb. Cara misses as Rhodes pulls Sandow out of the way and Sandow hits his neckbreaker finisher on Cara for the win.
Nice tag match that was dominated by the heels working over the faces. The faces make the comeback but due to good team work from Team Rhodes Scholars, they get the win. Not that many dirty tactics from the heel team, displaying their tag team prowess. I like it.
Foley and Kaitlyn are backstage, looking at a TV showing gameplay of WWE 13.
Mick Foley: Look at WWE 13, you can be guys in the attitude era! Look, you can be all 3 faces of Foley, kick CM Punk's butt with all three faces of Foley. Look, he's going for the socko!
Paul Heyman is stood behind Foley, arms folded:
Paul Heyman: May I respectfully inquire which three faces of foley deems it appropriate to be talking about video games instead of putting a team together for Survivor Series?
Foley: Are you suggesting I was shirking my responsibilities as Captain of Team Foley?
Heyman: Yes
Foley: It's not an either or proposition Paul. Do you really think I have to enlist Superstars, that I have to seek them out?
Heyman: Yes
Foley: They were lining up to be part of Team Foley.
Heyman: Lining up?
Foley: Lining up. Team Foley is set.
Heyman: Don't you mean backing up? Because that'#s what your team is going to have to do for you at SS, is back you up. Because my dear friend, with all due respect
Foley: Thank you
Heyman: You have a target on you. That target has been placed on you by the reigning, defending WWE Champion CM Punk and his mission now is to personally victimise you at SS and remind you once again that he is the best in the world.
Ad break.
Vince McMahon, along with the entire roster are on the ramp now.
Vince McMahon: Ladies and Gentlemen I'd like to direct your attention to the ring. Joining John Cena in the ring, Dorothy Jones and Eric Rick.
Cena: Thank you, Ladies and Gentlemen as you know October is National Breast Cancer awareness month. Susan G. Komen is a clear leader in raising Breast Health Awareness and fighting for a cure. So when WWE joined this fight, it gave us an unbelievable honour. You guys know the WWE superstars, sometimes we don't agree with each other. In fact we never agree with each other, but when it came to this cause, everybody agreed that we should all join together to help the fight. The one agreement that made all this work is you, the WWE Universe. We encouraged you to get the gear and join the fight, and you did. On behalf of WWE, we'd like to donote this cheque for the amount of... One Million Dollars.
Dorothy Jones: Oh my goodness I am speechless. This one million dollars will help continue the progress that Susan G Komen has done for the past 30 years. This will help with education, prevention, our hearts are eternally, humbly grateful to you. Thank you John Cena, thank you Cenation, Vince McMahon and everyone.
Cena: Thank you Dorothy, thank you everyone. You, ladies and gentlemen have provided the gift of life. Here, we have true breast cancer survivors and their families. Thank you for helping us rise above cancer.
Even though WWE has set up residency up their own arse, they do do some good things. Good for them.
Alberto Del Rio is out after the ad break, with Rodriguez introducing him of course. Black scarf this time. He's set to go one on one against Justin Gabriel. So I guess Gabriel vs Cesaro was just something for Cesaro to do at the PPV, then. Anyway. ADR aggressively shoves Gabriel into the corner and delivers kicks, followed by a snap suplex and count of 0. Snapmare and kick to the back saw a 1 count. Gabriel whipped off the ropes ducks ADR and delivers a monkey flip followed by a middle turnbuckle clothesline for a 1 count. Forearms by Gabriel, is sent to the opposite corner and hits a headscissors, sending ADR outside. Gabriel hits a jumping baseball slide and more forearms to ADR before sending him back in. Stiff kick to the head by ADR who slingshots Gabriel's arm on the ropes. 2 count for ADR who goes right back to work on the arm. Gabriel fights out with punches but is met with a title-the-world backbreaker for 2. Kick to the back by ADR as Rodriguez applauds. ADR bends Gabriel's elbow against his shoulder and hits a wrist lock back suplex. Pin for 2. ADR back to the arm of Gabriel. Gabriel back up to his feet but ADR slams him to the mat, head first. ADR slaps his chest as he does his jumping stomp the back of the head of Gabriel and 2 count, and again back to the arm. Gabriel makes his way back up with back elbows and ADR goes for another tilt-the-world back breaker but Gabriel spins through and lands a series of kicks, knocking ADR down. Gabriel goes for a top rope Lionsault for a 2 count. Gabriel misses a splash in the corner and Del Rio counters with an Enziguri, followed by the Cross Armbreaker for the win. Del Rio takes his time in letting go as he straddles the top rope, celebrating.
They seem to be building Gabriel up, slowly but surely. Good, he's good at what he does. Ad break.
We're back with Paul E. in the ring
Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and I am humbled this evening to present to you not only the WWE Champion, but the man who is on the cover of the WWE 13 video game, and who is unquestionably the best in the world I give to you CM Punk.
CM Punk poses in the ring as pyro goes off above the ring and a big WWE 13 poster reveals itself
What you see here ladies in gentlemen is a larger than life presentation for a larger than life personality who is not only the best in the world but in my humble but most astute opinion, the greatest WWE Champion of all time. You know Champ, when you asked me to put together team Punk for SS it reminded me that my goal in life is to serve at the behest and at the pleasure of the best in the world, the reigning, defending WWE Champion. So the first person I named for your team, this man is a box office sensation, a reality show superstar, former WWE and Intercontinental Champion, I give to you, CM Punk, The Miz.
I like The Miz very much, but I wouldn't be blown away by this first pick if I were Punk..
Now, if you think that's awesome, wait 'til you hear this next pick, because I have gotten for team Punk not only a future tag team championship team, but the very next tag team champions, a team that personifies intellectual and physical superiority. I give to you, my Champion, Team Rhodes Scholars!
Good pick, good pick. Fairly strong so far.
Now, here's even more because, sir, I wanted to give someone who could almost be your co-captain, and introducing now to the public for the first time in the English speaking language. Ladies and Gentlemen, and people of Charlotte, I give to you and I give to you, Alberto Del Rio!
Good team, to be fair. Big Show would've been a stronger pick for the heel team.
Oh shut up. Shut up and listen to somebody who knows what he's talking about. At Survivor Series, there's gonna be a celebration. a celebration of one year of me being WWE Champion. And what better way to celebrate than to take a delusional completely out of his mind, disrespectful so called legend Mick Foley and put him out of his misery. Mick Foley wants something I have, not the title, even Mick isn't that delusional he wants my spotlight. And now the spotlight he craves is gonna cost him two teeth in his head. At SS I teach Foley about respect,m at Surivor Series I teach Foley how to survive.
Survive, Punk? (foley chant) You wanna talk about survival you refer to what happened last night at the cell surviving? See Punk I don't refer to it as surviving, I refer to it as weaseling I have no problem referring to you as WWE Champion, almost a year. That';s quite a statistic What I do have a problem of referring to you as of late is a man. A man doesn't disrespect the legacy of hell in a cell by enlisting a crooked ref
I know you are missing an ear Mick, which one is your good one, turn that one this way and listen real good I said it earlier and I'll say it again, I have nothing to do with that the ref did, he did his own thing and I did my own thing, now do you have a team or are we going to have to beat you up so you can have a nice day, bang bang bang
No need for that because actually I have a team Punk. I have a hell of a team for SS. All these men I would walk to hell with, they have earned my respect over the years. My first pick is Kofi Kingston
Prediction! Kingston, Orton, Team Hell No and Ryback. Done.
I've enlisted a team. Not just any team, the WWE Tag Team Champions, Team Hell No.
One for one!
The next participant on team foley does not play well with others, hell after what we did to each other a few years ago he still doesn't like me. Unfortunately for you he doesn't like you lot either. The Apex predator, Randy Orton!
Two for two!
Hell of a team, Mick. I'm impressed actually, all champions in their own right. I'm gonna go ahead and tel you what our plans are right now. Individually what we're going to do is eliminate everyone but you so I can personally get my hands on you and teach you about respect and what it is to be champion.
That's an excellent game plan punk. Assuming you could just dispatch of all these champions so easily, I would be the weak link of the team. But I'm not going to be the weak link, because I won't be competing. I'll be standing ringside, watching you be decimated by these four men, and this man...
FEED. ME. MORE. Of course it is.
Team Foley and Team Punk brawl in the ring, as Punk makes his way out and up the ramp with Heyman. Ryback stares him down as he delivers the Meat Hook Clothesline to Rhodes, followed by Shell Shocked. Huge Goldberg chant. And that ends Raw for this week.
In closing, I really hoped Ric Flair could return, since Raw was in his hometown, but it wasn't to be. Overall, I enjoyed this week's edition of Raw, what did you think? If you made it this far, thanks for reading. Follow @jbrinkleyreview
We start Raw recapping the controversial ending to the WWE Championship match last night. CM Punk is introduced. He hobbles out to the ring, showing the damage from last night with taped up ribs. Cole and JR are on commentary this evening as we are in Charlotte, North Carolina. Flair Country. Hmm. Also, Hardy Country, although I think they're South Carolina. Anyway!
CM Punk shakes his head as he says
You all thought he was unbeatable. You all said it couldn't be done. You all thought, no you all knew that I was gonna be just another victim in this trail of bodies left behind by the monster Ryback. Well I proved you all wrong. Hey, Bucket Head (JR), you were wrong. You were wrong. You were wrong. You were wrong. You were wrong. You. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. You were wrong. You were all wrong and you were proven wrong by me. For 344 days I have proved you all wrong. Hell, since day 1 I have been proving you all wrong. I have defeated every single one of your heroes. I've survived everything they've had to offer. I remember when Rey Mysterio thought he could fly at my expense and I snatched him out of the sky and I put him to sleep. I remember the so called Apex Predator told me he was gonna send me to the hospital. Well I proved the Anaconda Vice is better than any Viper. And then there is the resident Superman, John Cena. And yet time and time again I defeat him, and I show him what Kryptonite is. And as far as Ryback is concerned he is not even in the conversation. I do want to take this time to talk about my monumental victory last night, which should be applauded. But ever since that victory it's been marred in controversey, and people have been pointing at me saying I convinced an official to put his hands on Ryback. This will be a hard pill for you to swallow but I had nothing to do with it. I was on Ryback's shoulders and knew that Shell Shocked was coming and I was half right because I was shocked of what happened. I will tell you what I told Vickie Guerrero and that the only thing I am guilty of is taking advantage of a situation because of the rogue referee. That referee is called Brad Maddox. Just to show you how incompetent Maddox is, he was hired by AJ Lee, which should tell you everything right there. It's not the first time he';s shown incompetence. About a month ago he cost me a match so I don't know if this was returning the favour or whatever but trust me when I tell you I had nothing to do with it. You can not believe me, you can hate on me all you want, but the list goes on and on for heroes I have defeated. Triple H, Mr. McMahon, the entire Titan Tower machine that tried to erase me from their history books but I am irrerasable, I am the best in the world. And I can stand here in the middle of this ring and proudly say I am WWE Champion for 344 days. And I look at Ryback differently, because I see him in my rear view mirror. I will go on to better things and.... I WILL NOT, BE INTERRUPTED! GAH!
Hardcore Legend Mick Foley interrupts, by the way.
That's right everybody hey look it's foley, foley. It's a homeless man who has clearly been displaced from the storm in the north east
Foley: That's good the way you make light of a situation that's effecting millions in America., Stay classy punk. It's nice that you've still got your sense of humour considering you were left splattered on top of the cell 245 hours ago
Punk: What's your point mick? Why are you even here? The last time I saw you, the last time the world saw you, you were on the floor after I kicked your ass.
Foley: I didn't come out here, right here, in Charlotte North Caroline, to embarrass you Punk. The way I see it you did an excellent job embarrassing yourself in the cell.
Punk: Did you come here to judge me?
Foley: I'm not here to judge you. I'm here to tell you. Last month I gave you a choice! Did you want a defining moment or did you want to be a statistic? I gave you a chance to live up to the legacy and tradition of HIAC and you blew it!
Punk: Tradition! You're going to bark at me about tradition? Look at me! This is your tradition. This is the same tradition that legends would yell at you about, because you are the one that jumps off roofs and jumps onto barbed wire to win a match. This is what your tradition does to superstars so don't yell at me about tradition. No, I don't suck, I'm not from Charlotte North Carolina!
Crowd continue to chant 'You suck'
Here we go, yeah, give me all you got I have an idea. You wanna bark to me about tradition? This, for 344 days and we're approaching SS the same PPV in which I won this title. You keep popping up like a bad penny. Seems to me you wanna do something about it. Let's have a traditional survivor series match. Yeah, yeah, Team Foloey against Team Punk.
Foley:Your team against my team. Team foley against Team Punk... you're on.
Punk: I'll tell you right now, whoever you pick...
FEED ME. Ryback marches to the ring, and Punk hightails it outta there, along with Heyman. Ad break.
Ryback is in a match against JTG. This should be a SLOBBERKNOCKER! RIP JTG.
Goldberg chants start up already. JTG tries to dodge Ryback but Ryback grabs him by the head and drops him to the mat. He picks JTG up and slams him in front of him. In the corner, Ryback whips JTG across and charges. JTG dodges but Ryback scouts it and hits a very surprising Lous Thesz press, followed by slamming the back of JTG's head against the mat. Ryback picks him up and hits the Meat Hook Clothesline before signalling the end of the squash. Shell Shocked gets a one, two, three. Very surprised by the Lous Thesz press. Ryback does it better than Orton.
Post-match promo? Blimey.
Josh Matthews: Excuse me Ryback. After the events that happened last night, you must have an appetite for revenge
Ryback: Revenge is a confession of pain. I am not hurt, I am hungry. And when I feast again, it will be on CM Punk. Feed! Me! Punk! Feed! Me! Punk! Feed! Me! Punk!
Short and sweet, as it probably should be. Ryback's actions will almost always speak louder than words, unless he gets a mouthpiece. Flair? It could happen.
Orton vs Wade Barrett now. I love Wade. Dunno if I've made that clear yet. The reason for this match is because they had a match on Smackdown! that Barrett WON! Even though Del Rio distracted Orton, that's not the point.
Collar and elbow tie up starts with Wade forcing Orton in the corner. The ref breaks it up as Wade points to Orton's injured arm from last night. Wade with a headlock on Orton, who fights out with forearms and whips Wade followed by a dropkick. Barrett rolls outside but Orton runs after him and goes for a clothesline. Wade ducks and wrenches Orton's arm. Orton counters by bouncing Wade's head on the steps. Wade head first on the Spanish announce table and is tossed back in the ring. Methodical stomps by Orton on Wade. Knee drop and head stomp by Orton, the sick bastard. Barrett fights back with straight punches to the gut and head. Orton off the ropes, hangs on and Barrett charges with a boot but misses. With Barrett caught on the ropes, Orton clotheslines him out of the ring as we hit an ad break.
We're back with Wade working over Orton's arm. Clever boy. Orton breaks it with headbutts but eats a knee to the gut by Wade and a 2 count. Wade goes right back to the arm of Orton. Orton clubs Wade so Wade drives his leg across Orton's arm. Orton sells the arm well, clutching it in pain as Wade brings him up and sends him shoulder first into the turnbuckle. Arm wringer by Barrett saw a 2 count. Barrett drives his knee into the back of Orton's head with the assistance of the ropes, and pulls his neck over the top rope before delivering knee shots to the ribs of Orton. Wade backs up and hits a running big boot on Orton, who lands on the apron. Barrett happy with what he's done. Me too! Barrett goes for the cover but gets two. Arm bar by Barrett keeps Orton in control. Orton back up, sends Barrett to the corner before hitting his clotheslines and powerslam. By the way, I've never considered Preston near Manchester. Screw you, Cole. Orton goes for the rope DDT, which connects. Orton sells the arm before taunting Wade, setting up for the RKO. Wade counters the RKO with the WINDS OF CHANGE, COLE! 2 count for Barrett. Barrett signals for the Souvenir Elbow, but Orton ducks it and hits an RKO for the win. Not surprising.
When are they going to put Wade in the main event? He should be on Team Punk. We'll see.
AJ Lee and Vickie are backstage
Vickie: Excuse me? Miss Lee. I've asked you to be here tonight so you can explain your affair with John Cena.
AJ: I did not have an affair with John Cena, we are just friends.
Vickie: Don't raise your voice at me y'know the board of directors did fire you based on your actions. And they've asked me to consider hiring you back as an in-ring performer. As managing supervisor of Raw, the board of directors have entrusted me to see if you have what it takes to succeed under my administration. Is there a problem Miss Lee?
AJ: No.
Vickie: Okay, I have all the information I need. Good day.
AJ: Wait. I'm sorry. I want to compete, I want to perform again.
Vickie: Great, then we'll start with our first question. What do you consider to be your biggest weakness?
AJ: I don't know, I guess I can be too emotionally attached to my job
Vickie: Are you telling me that you're crazy? Heh, never mind look when I come back to my office, I want you to give me one good reason why I should issue you a contract, haha.
Ad break.
Team Hell No vs Prime Time Players
Daniel Bryan out first, closely followed by Kane for this non-title tag match. Bryan and Young start the match with Young beating Bryan down in the corner. Whip to the corner is dodged by Bryan who takes Young down, followed by kicks to the chest. Kane tags himself in, which annoys Bryan. Kane gets hung up on the ropes but gives Young a Throat Thrust followed by corner clothesline as Bryan tags himself in. Bryan hits Young with the running front dropkick in the corner Kane was standing, then backs away quickly so Kane couldn't tag himself in again. Titus O'Neil tags in and knocks Bryan down, followed by a Scoop Slam. Bryan fights back with hits to the mid-section but Titus shoves him away, followed by a Power Slam and cover for 2. Young back in with a double shoulder block followed by an Elbow Drop to the back of Bryan. Young with a knee to the back of Bryan slaps on a reverse chin lock. Waist lock by Young, as Bryan fights back with elbows and forearms. Young counters with a knee to the gut and attempts a back suplex, but Bryan flips over it and hits a running, jumping clothesline. Kane tags himself in and unloads on Young in the corner. Whipped to the opposite sides, Kane delivers clotheslines in each corner before hitting his Side Slam for a 2 count. Kane goes up for his clothesline, which he connects with, then delivers a right hand to Titus, who tried to enter the match. Young tries to take advantage but eats a Chokeslam from Kane. Titus in, but Kane grabs him by the throat and throws him out. Bryan tags himself in and puts the No Lock on Young, who taps out. Bryan celebrates, grabbing both titles and proudly shouting 'I'm the tag team champions!' Kane is stood behind me, Bryan slowly turns round and still yells as Kane sets off his Pyro. Both men argue in the ring.
Standard tag match, I guess. I don't think it actually meant anything, to be honest, unless a title shot is in the Prime Time Players future. Ad break.
We're back and they go over what happened at the start of the show. The announcers go over the now infamous Brad Maddox, and how this isn't his first mistake, as they show last month's Raw when Maddox counted the pin despite Punk's foot being on the ropes. They then show us Maddox's low blow to Ryback, leading to CM Punk's victory at Hell in a Cell.
Vickie Guerrero is out now:
"My name is Vickie Guerrero. and I am here to reassure all of you that this is a new era of Monday Night Raw, filled with credibility and integrity. All week on twitter I promised you, the WWE Universe, that I would bring forth hard evidence proving that John Cena and AJ Lee had an inappropriate relationship. Tonight I have kept my promise, so ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the superstar at the heart of the AJ scandal, John Cena.'
Enter Cena. Bllllllllllllllllllllabadooo! Or whatever.
'I wanna thank you guys for being kind enough to put up with this, Vickie I thought your actions last week were outrageous. And than you went to social networking and told the world that you had undeniable proof of some sort of relationship between myself and AJ. The reason I am out here with you tonight is to clear all this up. Please, show the world your.. proof.'
Vickie Guerrero: 'Well John I'd be happy to, shall we start with the footage from 3 weeks ago from this very ring, when you asked AJ on a date'
Cena: Yep, that's right, in this very ring I asked AJ out to In and Out burger, and in this very ring I've referred to myself as the fighting fruity pebble, the one-armed man... it was a joke. Everyone here understood it, everyone here understood it
Vickie: Haha, what about last week?
They show last week where Cena and AJ hugged
Cena: Yeah. that one's easy. Aj just lost her job, because of you. It's a job she never thought she had, a job she's wanted for her whole life. She didn't lose it because of bad decisions, she lost it because of you. I was consoling her'
Vickie: So, are you trying to say good friends meet over romantic dinners?
Vickie shows a picture of Cena and AJ having dinner
Cena: That, was the dinner I told the world about last week. I had dinner with AJ. A business dinner to discuss when I would return from injusry
Vickie: John, you are pathetic, you seem to have an answer for everything, so let's try this footage
They show Cena at an elevator, inviting AJ in.
Vickie: Let's just paint the picture right now, shall we? AJ's giving you googly eyes. She's giving you the sweet little, with her body language. Would you be in an elevator saying, maybe come here? Seems very interesting.
Crowd chant "you are busted!" Hahahahaha. Excellent/
Cena: I know how that looks. Vickie laughs. AJ had lost her job, she came out of the elevator to confront you, but I convinced her not to. All you saw was two people getting into an elevator, that's it.
Vickie: Are you telling me two people got into an elevator and just went their separate ways?
Cena: No, no. I've been honest so far I will continue to be. We got into the elevator, I walked her to her door, that was it.
Vickie: Did she perhaps open her door? Did you perhaps walk in? Did she then give you the googly eyes? Did you smell her sweet perfume? did you happen to just say goodnight to each other? Y';know what it's a good thing I'm in charge of Monday Night Raw because I would not have faith in that disgusting, psychotic. unstable --
Cena: Enough, woah woah. You can call me all the names you want, but when it comes to AJ, she is stronger, more resilient and certainly more attractive than you will ever be.
Vickie: Once again, from John Cena's mouth, you think AJ is resilient? You thin she is attractive?
Cena: I said... she was attrac.. I mean more attrac--
I'M HERE TO SHOW THE WORLD, I'M HERE TO SHOW THE WORRRRRLD
Ziggler: John come on, I think we've all seen enough to draw our own conclusion here. Because of your inability to control your sophomoric urges. Myself, and the entire WWE universe see you and AJ for what you really ar---
Cena: Listen real good. You like to talk, just make sure you never mention my or AJ's name in the same sentence again.
Cena shoves Ziggler to the floor. RUDE. Ad break.
Miz is ringside as Cesaro is in the ring.
Cesaro: While travelling this country...
USA chant breaks out
Cesaro: While travelling this country as YOUR United States Champion, I discovered something. America, has the fattest children in the world! And to make things even worse, Halloween is coming up. That silly American holiday where Obese kids go door to door, begging sweets from irresponsible idiotic adults who don't see a crisis even if it's stood right in front of them dressed up as a fat power range. Now. more than ever, America needs Antonio Cesaro as THEIR United States Champion.
I gotta say, I completely agree with that promo. I can't stand Halloween. Kingston enters for this Champion vs Champion match.
Cesaro starts with a judo hip toss and elbow followed by a straight headbutt to the face. Kingston in the corner gets thrown but Kingston cartwheels out of it. Kingston whipped into the corner, but kicks Cesaro in the face as he charges in. Cesaro hangs Kingston up on the ropes and hits a running knee followed by fall away slam. Scoop slam by Cesaro followed by a double foot stomp. Arm lock on the mat by Cesaro. Kingston struggles out of it with elbows to the gut, but Cesaro hits a knee. Kingston hits an elbow followed by a powerful front dropkick, sending Cesaro out of the ring. Cesaro goes for a clothesline outside the ring but Kingston steps up the ring steps and hits a superman punch. Kingston starts talking trash to Miz and Cesaro takes advantage. Kingston counters by throwing Cesaro over the announce booth and into Miz. There was no need for that. Miz, understandably pissed off, goes after Kingston, causing the disqualification. Cesaro and Miz beat down Kingston before R-Truth comes out in a really brown suit and chases Miz off. Cesaro goes to attack R-Truth but Truth sends him packing, too.
Match didn't really get started. It wasn't about that match, it was about setting up possible storylines, which is fine with me.
We're back with AJ and Vickie in the ring:
Vickie: John Cena said out there about your relationship, you have to admit you care a littlebit about him
AJ: Nothing is going on and you know it okay
Vickie: Just tell me something, how was the pillow talk and did he give you a goodnight kiss. Was it romantic and sweet? Just admit you care for John Cena. I'll put you on my roster, you'll be a diva.
AJ: No. I'm not going to do that because nothing happened. I don't know who gave you those pictures or video, but I refuse... look, Vickie, the WWE means everything to me, but you are not worth lying for, for hurting John or shredding my dignity.
Vickie: Wait. You're hired. But under one condition, if you ever lay a hand on me, you will never ever be allowed around this company again. So, welcome back to work and for tonight your first match will be against Beth Phoenix.
AJ: Thanks Vickie!
Aj bounds off, smiling, much to the confusion of Vickie.
Oh God, they do a VH1 style behind the music thing. I'm not going to write what they say, but I'll sum it up. The main way I can justify it is by reminding myself that at least Drew McIntyre is on TV, even if he's a Bret Michaels character. Ad break.
The 3MB are in the ring as we're back. They're against Zack Ryder and Santino Marella. Team Co-Bro.
Looks like it'll be Mahal and Slater wrestling. No McIntyre, then. Shame. Mahal beats Ryder down before whipping him in the corner. Ryder lifts his knees up and hits a missile dropkick. Ryder with a forearm to Mahal who then sets up for the Broski Boot, which connects. Slater distracts Ryder who gets hung up on the ropes. Slater tags in and beats on Ryder before whipping him in the corner for a quick tag to Mahal. Mahal does the same and Slater in with a jumping forearm smash for a 2 count. Slater sends Ryder back in the corner with another tag to Mahal who hits a running jumping knee to the face of Ryder. 2 count and another tag to Slater. Chin lock by Slater on the mat. Santino plays cheerleader on the apron. Slater sends Ryder into the corner and goes for a forearm but Ryder moves and tags Santino in. Santino with his comeback set, strikes followed by the splits, hip toss and headbutt for a pin that is interrupted by Mahal. Ryder sends Mahal out the ring and Santino puts on that bloody cobra sock. Santino goes for the Cobra but McIntyre distracts Marella. Santino off the ropes, hits McIntyre with a jumping Cobra but Slater hits his finisher on Santino for the win. 3MB celebrate in the ring as we hit another ad break.
Jerry Lawler returns in 2 weeks. Good for him, glad to see he's better.
AJ Lee is out for her match against Beth Phoenix.
They stare each other down before Beth shoves AJ. AJ slowly walks up toe Beth before being shoved down by Beth. Beth dares AJ to do something about it, and calls her a failure. AJ goes mad and takes Beth down with slaps. She jumps on Beth's back, smashing her in the back but Beth overpowers AJ. Beth throws AJ out of the ring and slams her back-first into the apron. Is Beth leaving? Is she not? What's going on there? 2 count for Beth. AJ rolls Beth up with an inside cradle for a very surprising 3 count. Wasn't expecting that, but okay.
Vickie out
AJ, you know for a girl who wants to be a superstar more than anything else in the world, i demand a lot more from you
Beth Phoenix knocks AJ down
AJ, you really need to pay a lot more attention out there, so I'm going to give you one more chance to do better. So referee, please start the match
Match is restarted, as Beth hits the Glam Slam for the 3 count.
I'm still not massively impressed with the graphics of WWE 13. I'm sure it's just me. I guess it's not about the graphics. Anyway! Sheamus is up next to make some bullshit excuse as to why he lost. Or he'll say "Yeah I lost, but I want a rematch, fella! FELLLAAAAAA FELLAFELLA FELLAAAAAAAA!"
Sheamus is all smiles as he comes out. YOU LOST, SHEAMUS! TURN HEEL SO I CAN LIKE YOU AGAIN. He may as well be heel, the cocky knob.
How is doin'? So I'm standing out here tonight, without a championship around my waist, but a smile on my face. Now you're probably asking how can you smile 24 hours after losing your championship to Big Show. aren't you dissappointed? Of course i'm disappointed. No one likes to lose, especially me. I'm going to hold my hands up and say last night big show was the better man. I mean, he knocked me out. It took two KO punches to do it, but he knocked me out. I mean, here's the thing I didn't come to WWE to always win. I cam here to FIGHT! And last night was the greatest fight of my entire life. I mean I stood toe to toe with a 7 foot 500 pound giant and I pushed him to the limit fella. That's why I cam to WWE and what a match it was. Big show kicking out of the brogue kick, me kicking out of the KO punch, the crowd on their feet! But ultimately Big Show scored with the decisive blow and won the match. He won the battle, but this war is far from ever. Because right now I am dying to get back into the ring with Big show. I am dying for another fight. It's not going to be a fight ,or a battle, it's going to be an all out war. And when that war is over, I'll still be standing here with a smile on my face, and the World Heavyweight Championship back where it belongs. Around my waist.
Enter Big Show.
Ah it looks good doesn't it? Doesn't it look good on my shoulder? The World Heavyweight Champion, the Big Show! Haha, I told you I could do it. And you're out here with your smiles, like everything's all fine and dandy. I know why you're smiling, you're hiding the truth, that both you and I know. You gave me everything you had, even your Brogue Kick with all your Hooligan friends, and what happened? You came up short, didn't you? I did what I said I would do. I walked in, knocked you out, and walked out the winner. Don't boo me! How can you boo me for telling the truth?! You wanna talk about battles, wars, how you're going to rise above. That fight took me to levels I didn't think I could reach. Of everyone, you took me to a place no one else could. Whatever you bring, it isn't going to be enough. I wipe smiles off people faces and I enjoy it. Sheamus look at me you red-headed ginger snap. (nice) You. Can't. Beat me. And you will never take this championship from me. (I missed some of that because my daughter was having a loud conversation with the sofa.
Y'know what Show that was a magnificent speech. Congratulations on the World Heavyweight Championship. I have a question for you, have you ever seen a Ginger snap?
Sheamus picks Show up and hits White Noise. Impressive, to be fair. This feud continues, which is fine. I hope Sheamus won't be quite as annoying this time.
Sin Cara and Mysterio vs Team Rhodes Scholars next.
We're back from break with Cena and AJ backstage.
Cena: Look at you you're back in the ring. We're going to get this straightened out I promise.
Vickie looks on in the background, rubbing her hands together
Beth Phoenix: Vickie, I just wanna stop you and thank you for restarting the match
Vickie: You're welcome, but if you had done your job right in the first place, I wouldn't of had to. It's my duty to inform you that, effective immediately... you're fired
I guess that's my previous questions answered. Well, that sucks.
Mysterio is out, followed by Sin Cara. Rhodes Scholars follow them.
My recording was interrupted, so I missed the front part of the match.
Sandow tags Rhodes in who stomps on Mysterio. Rhodes with Mysterio in the corner, whips him but misses a charge as Mysterio counters with a drop toe hold. Cara tagged in with a double team on Rhodes. Cara dropkicks Rhodes outta the ring then hits an Asai Moonsault on Rhodes. Mysterio hits a rolling senton on Sandow on the outside. Ad break.
Back with three pin attempts from Sandow. Cara goes to tag Rey but Sandow grabs his leg and tags Rhodes in. Rhodes with a stalling front suplex on Cara and a 2 count. Rhodes with a knee to the back as he locks in an armbar. Sandow yells at Cara, telling him to quit, give up and tap out. Cara rolls through and lands kicks to Rhodes, but Rhodes reaches out and tags in Sandow. Sandow buries his knee in Cara's throat. Cara tries to go for Rey but Sandow forces him back to his corner, as he tags in Rhodes. Rhodes goes for the Alabama Slam but Cara rolls out and goes for a pint attempt. Cara hits what looked like his finisher, but wasn't, I don't think. The announcers didn't mention it. Cara gets the hot tag to Rey, who is donned in a Halloween-inspired outfit by the way. Seated senton by Mysterio followed by a headscissors. Mysterio off the ropes lands a kick to Rhodes but Rhodes throws Mysterio out of the ring. Mysterio rolls through and hits a shoulder block on Rhodes. Over-emphasised by Rhodes because Rey didn't land it flush but nevermind! Sandow knocks Mysterio down on the apron, then Rhodes tags Sandow in. Sandow hits his Russian Leg Sweep and the Elbow of Disdain for 2. Rhodes in, beating Mysterio down in the corner as the crowd chant for the 619. Team Rhodes Scholars continue to beat Mysterio down in the corner as Sandow is back in with an attempted supelx. Mysterio counters with a small package for 2 and goes to tag Cara. Sandow stops him and tags Rhodes in. Rhodes hits a knee drop on Mysterio and stomps him down before going for a pin attempt. Rhodes hits a running knee to Mysterio's hand. Bad camera angle, mr. cameraman. Sandow back in and they go for a double stalling suplex, but Mysterio counters with a double DDT. Sin Cara is getting fired up, as Mysterio goes for the hot tag. Cara off the ropes hits a double crossbody. Cara hits the the Tajiri elbow followed by a step-up Enziguri for a 2. Cara with Sandow off the hand goes for the beautiful arm drag off the turnbuckle. Dropkick sends Sandow out, but Rhodes comes in to receive a headscissors by Cara, setting Rhodes up for the 619. Mysterio goes for it by Rhodes ducks out of the way. Rhodes sends Mysterio into the steps but Cara flies out with a corkscrew cross body on Rhodes. Kick to Sandow from Cara who goes for the Swanton Bomb. Cara misses as Rhodes pulls Sandow out of the way and Sandow hits his neckbreaker finisher on Cara for the win.
Nice tag match that was dominated by the heels working over the faces. The faces make the comeback but due to good team work from Team Rhodes Scholars, they get the win. Not that many dirty tactics from the heel team, displaying their tag team prowess. I like it.
Foley and Kaitlyn are backstage, looking at a TV showing gameplay of WWE 13.
Mick Foley: Look at WWE 13, you can be guys in the attitude era! Look, you can be all 3 faces of Foley, kick CM Punk's butt with all three faces of Foley. Look, he's going for the socko!
Paul Heyman is stood behind Foley, arms folded:
Paul Heyman: May I respectfully inquire which three faces of foley deems it appropriate to be talking about video games instead of putting a team together for Survivor Series?
Foley: Are you suggesting I was shirking my responsibilities as Captain of Team Foley?
Heyman: Yes
Foley: It's not an either or proposition Paul. Do you really think I have to enlist Superstars, that I have to seek them out?
Heyman: Yes
Foley: They were lining up to be part of Team Foley.
Heyman: Lining up?
Foley: Lining up. Team Foley is set.
Heyman: Don't you mean backing up? Because that'#s what your team is going to have to do for you at SS, is back you up. Because my dear friend, with all due respect
Foley: Thank you
Heyman: You have a target on you. That target has been placed on you by the reigning, defending WWE Champion CM Punk and his mission now is to personally victimise you at SS and remind you once again that he is the best in the world.
Ad break.
Vince McMahon, along with the entire roster are on the ramp now.
Vince McMahon: Ladies and Gentlemen I'd like to direct your attention to the ring. Joining John Cena in the ring, Dorothy Jones and Eric Rick.
Cena: Thank you, Ladies and Gentlemen as you know October is National Breast Cancer awareness month. Susan G. Komen is a clear leader in raising Breast Health Awareness and fighting for a cure. So when WWE joined this fight, it gave us an unbelievable honour. You guys know the WWE superstars, sometimes we don't agree with each other. In fact we never agree with each other, but when it came to this cause, everybody agreed that we should all join together to help the fight. The one agreement that made all this work is you, the WWE Universe. We encouraged you to get the gear and join the fight, and you did. On behalf of WWE, we'd like to donote this cheque for the amount of... One Million Dollars.
Dorothy Jones: Oh my goodness I am speechless. This one million dollars will help continue the progress that Susan G Komen has done for the past 30 years. This will help with education, prevention, our hearts are eternally, humbly grateful to you. Thank you John Cena, thank you Cenation, Vince McMahon and everyone.
Cena: Thank you Dorothy, thank you everyone. You, ladies and gentlemen have provided the gift of life. Here, we have true breast cancer survivors and their families. Thank you for helping us rise above cancer.
Even though WWE has set up residency up their own arse, they do do some good things. Good for them.
Alberto Del Rio is out after the ad break, with Rodriguez introducing him of course. Black scarf this time. He's set to go one on one against Justin Gabriel. So I guess Gabriel vs Cesaro was just something for Cesaro to do at the PPV, then. Anyway. ADR aggressively shoves Gabriel into the corner and delivers kicks, followed by a snap suplex and count of 0. Snapmare and kick to the back saw a 1 count. Gabriel whipped off the ropes ducks ADR and delivers a monkey flip followed by a middle turnbuckle clothesline for a 1 count. Forearms by Gabriel, is sent to the opposite corner and hits a headscissors, sending ADR outside. Gabriel hits a jumping baseball slide and more forearms to ADR before sending him back in. Stiff kick to the head by ADR who slingshots Gabriel's arm on the ropes. 2 count for ADR who goes right back to work on the arm. Gabriel fights out with punches but is met with a title-the-world backbreaker for 2. Kick to the back by ADR as Rodriguez applauds. ADR bends Gabriel's elbow against his shoulder and hits a wrist lock back suplex. Pin for 2. ADR back to the arm of Gabriel. Gabriel back up to his feet but ADR slams him to the mat, head first. ADR slaps his chest as he does his jumping stomp the back of the head of Gabriel and 2 count, and again back to the arm. Gabriel makes his way back up with back elbows and ADR goes for another tilt-the-world back breaker but Gabriel spins through and lands a series of kicks, knocking ADR down. Gabriel goes for a top rope Lionsault for a 2 count. Gabriel misses a splash in the corner and Del Rio counters with an Enziguri, followed by the Cross Armbreaker for the win. Del Rio takes his time in letting go as he straddles the top rope, celebrating.
They seem to be building Gabriel up, slowly but surely. Good, he's good at what he does. Ad break.
We're back with Paul E. in the ring
Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and I am humbled this evening to present to you not only the WWE Champion, but the man who is on the cover of the WWE 13 video game, and who is unquestionably the best in the world I give to you CM Punk.
CM Punk poses in the ring as pyro goes off above the ring and a big WWE 13 poster reveals itself
What you see here ladies in gentlemen is a larger than life presentation for a larger than life personality who is not only the best in the world but in my humble but most astute opinion, the greatest WWE Champion of all time. You know Champ, when you asked me to put together team Punk for SS it reminded me that my goal in life is to serve at the behest and at the pleasure of the best in the world, the reigning, defending WWE Champion. So the first person I named for your team, this man is a box office sensation, a reality show superstar, former WWE and Intercontinental Champion, I give to you, CM Punk, The Miz.
I like The Miz very much, but I wouldn't be blown away by this first pick if I were Punk..
Now, if you think that's awesome, wait 'til you hear this next pick, because I have gotten for team Punk not only a future tag team championship team, but the very next tag team champions, a team that personifies intellectual and physical superiority. I give to you, my Champion, Team Rhodes Scholars!
Good pick, good pick. Fairly strong so far.
Now, here's even more because, sir, I wanted to give someone who could almost be your co-captain, and introducing now to the public for the first time in the English speaking language. Ladies and Gentlemen, and people of Charlotte, I give to you and I give to you, Alberto Del Rio!
Good team, to be fair. Big Show would've been a stronger pick for the heel team.
Oh shut up. Shut up and listen to somebody who knows what he's talking about. At Survivor Series, there's gonna be a celebration. a celebration of one year of me being WWE Champion. And what better way to celebrate than to take a delusional completely out of his mind, disrespectful so called legend Mick Foley and put him out of his misery. Mick Foley wants something I have, not the title, even Mick isn't that delusional he wants my spotlight. And now the spotlight he craves is gonna cost him two teeth in his head. At SS I teach Foley about respect,m at Surivor Series I teach Foley how to survive.
Survive, Punk? (foley chant) You wanna talk about survival you refer to what happened last night at the cell surviving? See Punk I don't refer to it as surviving, I refer to it as weaseling I have no problem referring to you as WWE Champion, almost a year. That';s quite a statistic What I do have a problem of referring to you as of late is a man. A man doesn't disrespect the legacy of hell in a cell by enlisting a crooked ref
I know you are missing an ear Mick, which one is your good one, turn that one this way and listen real good I said it earlier and I'll say it again, I have nothing to do with that the ref did, he did his own thing and I did my own thing, now do you have a team or are we going to have to beat you up so you can have a nice day, bang bang bang
No need for that because actually I have a team Punk. I have a hell of a team for SS. All these men I would walk to hell with, they have earned my respect over the years. My first pick is Kofi Kingston
Prediction! Kingston, Orton, Team Hell No and Ryback. Done.
I've enlisted a team. Not just any team, the WWE Tag Team Champions, Team Hell No.
One for one!
The next participant on team foley does not play well with others, hell after what we did to each other a few years ago he still doesn't like me. Unfortunately for you he doesn't like you lot either. The Apex predator, Randy Orton!
Two for two!
Hell of a team, Mick. I'm impressed actually, all champions in their own right. I'm gonna go ahead and tel you what our plans are right now. Individually what we're going to do is eliminate everyone but you so I can personally get my hands on you and teach you about respect and what it is to be champion.
That's an excellent game plan punk. Assuming you could just dispatch of all these champions so easily, I would be the weak link of the team. But I'm not going to be the weak link, because I won't be competing. I'll be standing ringside, watching you be decimated by these four men, and this man...
FEED. ME. MORE. Of course it is.
Team Foley and Team Punk brawl in the ring, as Punk makes his way out and up the ramp with Heyman. Ryback stares him down as he delivers the Meat Hook Clothesline to Rhodes, followed by Shell Shocked. Huge Goldberg chant. And that ends Raw for this week.
In closing, I really hoped Ric Flair could return, since Raw was in his hometown, but it wasn't to be. Overall, I enjoyed this week's edition of Raw, what did you think? If you made it this far, thanks for reading. Follow @jbrinkleyreview
Tuesday 23 October 2012
Monday Night Raw Review 22/10/12
Welcome to the Raw Review. This will be a play-by-play, with a pinch of colour, recap of the show, so enjoy!
Rey Mysterio starts off Raw as we kick off with the #1 contender's match for the Tag Team Championships. Glad to see Mysterio is better after his stomach virus. Sin Cara is out next. Do these guys have a name? Mystico? Myscara? Sisterio? J.R. is on commentary with Cole, by the way. Good!
Team Rhodes Scholars are out next. They've been my pick to win this tournament from the get-go, and I have no doubt they will win this.
Sin Cara and Rhodes start off with a tie-up. Rhodes forces Cara in the corner but Cara fights back with chops. Cara, whipped off the ropes, goes for a springboard elbow Tajiri-style but Rhodes ducks - Cara lands on his feet and hits a hurricanrana. Rey tagged in. Nice double team from Myscara and a cover for 2. Elbows by Rey but Rhodes fights back with an uppercut to the chin. Sandow in next who goes for a back suplex, but Rey rolls over. Elbows by Rey and a hurricanrana sets Sandow up on the middle rope. Rhodes pushes Sandow off but gets a suicide dive from Sin Cara. Mysterio hits Sandow with a seated senton on the outside as Team Hell No look on from backstage. Rey back in the ring with Sandow dangling on the middle rope. Sin Cara tags in who hits a springboard moonsault. That was rather pretty. 2 count from that moonsault. Cara takes it to Sandow in the turnbuckle. He gets whipped opposite corner and goes for a Cross Body but eats canvas. Sandow covers for 2 and tags in Rhodes. Rhodes hits a stalling vertical suplex with another cover for 2. Cara tries to tag Rey but Rhodes blocks him and tags in Sandow. Sandow aggressively digs his shoulder into Cara's gut. Quick tag as Rhodes comes back in with stomps to the gut. Cara tries to go for Rey but again Rhodes blocks him and tags Sandow in. Good tag team work from Team Rhodes Scholars. Suplex from Sandow, followed by an unguarded knee to the chin. Sandow takes a bow to nice heat before he tags Rhodes back in. Rhodes with a strikes to Cara in the corner. Cara tries to fight back but Rhodes puts him down, then taunts Rey. Sin Cara with a headbutt to the gut of Rhodes followed by a step-up Enziguri as we go for the first ad break.
We're back with Rhodes in control of Cara, hitting a scoop slam followed by a knee drop. Tag to Sandow who targets the mid-section of Cara. Sandow hits his Russian Leg Sweep followed by the Elbow of Disdain for a count that was broken up by Rey-rey. Rhodes in who puts Cara up on the turnbuckle. Cara fights out of it and shoves Rhodes off before hitting a Tornado DDT. Rey gets fired up on the apron as he awaits the hot tag. In comes Mysterio who hits a seated senton on Rhodes. He then knocks Sandow off and hits a headscissors on Rhodes. Drop toe hold sends Cody face-first on the second turnbuckle. Hardy Moonsaults by Rey gets a 2 count. Rey sets Team Scholars up for the 619, which he connects on both. Missile Splash by Rey on Rhodes for the 1, 2.. NO! Sandow gets in the way of the ref to stop the pinfall. Cara hits an Enziguri on Sandow, who rolls out to the ring. With Mysterio distracted, Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the 1, 2, 3.
Winners and #1 contenders for the Tag Team Championships: Team Rhodes Scholars
Post-match, Team Hell No appear on the Titantron, with Kane congratulating Cody, and Bryan congratulating Damien.
Kane: But the question is, whether or not you'll win the Tag Team Championship
Bryan and Kane: Hell, No!
Kane: However, in honour of your victory, I'd like to perform a little magic. Now you see him (Kane grabs Bryan by the beard and pulls him behind him) now you don't.
*Bryan tries to come to the foreground again as Kane lights his pyro in the ring*
Team Rhodes Scholars look worried as we hit ad break #2
I've never seen Ryder's youtube show, but apparently it's ending or something. They went to Egypt, which is what they're letting us know. Fantastic.
New Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston is out now, with Miz on commentary. Kingston is against former Nexus member and resident jobber Michael McGuillicutty (sp?). Kingston is clearly winning this. I'm going to call McGuillitilgityicutty Perfect because of his father, and that name is stupid. Perfect is aggressive in the early goings with strikes and knees to Kingston. Kingston fights back with chops but eats a knee to the gut. Perfect with chops of his own in the corner and a Back Breaker for a 2 count. Headlock by Perfect as Miz talks about why he has to fight Ryback later tonight, and that in 6 days he will get his title back. I wouldn't count on that, Mike. Kingston fights out of the Headlock with punches but again gets put down by Perfect. Seems that Perfect is getting a lot of control in thi- oh, nevermind. Trouble in Paradise sees this match end rather abruptly. I was just starting to get into it.
Winner: Kofi Kingston
Miz tells Kingston from the announce booth to keep the title warm for him, as his reign is going to be very, very short. Ad break 3 after a quick recap of the contract signing last week.
I hate those 'Did You Know?' things. No, I didn't know. Do you know that nobody cares? Huh?! HUH?!
The New York Giants are in the crowd, apparently. I don't even know what sport they play. John Cena is out now. Quick bit of pandering as he mentions the New York Giants being there. Crowd boo that.
JC: And right next door the home of next year's Wrestlemania! And on top of that, this sunday the WWE proudly presents to you on PPV; Hell in the Cell. This Sunday is not just a normal PPV, because this sunday, the WWE Universe will finally find out that CM Punk... the WWE Universe will find out what a few people in this very crowd will know, is that CM Punk is a man that tells the truth. CM Punk has been WWE Champion for 337 days. (crowd cheer) But the most truthful thing CM Punk has ever said was right before he became WWE Champion. CM Punk was a visionary, and his vision was change. And this Sunday, at Hell in the Cell, after 337 days we... see.. change. Change, six-foot-three. Change, is 291l pounds and when change steps into this ring all he can hear over and over again is FEED. ME. MORE. FEED. ME. MORE. FEED. ME. MORE. (crowd chant FMM) Ryback is not an individual who will come out here and talk about an unreachable brass ring. Ryback is not a man who will comes out here complaining about some political conspiracy theory and Ryback sure as hell will not come out here and promise you a revolutionary Monday Night Raw and ice cream bars to boot. Ryback stands for one thing. That is destruction, and this Sunday, the FACE of the WWE will CHANGE.
Enter Punk, with Heyman.
Punk does a jig as he comes out, chuckling to himself. Heyman proudly lifts the title up as Punk surveys the crowd, arms folded.
Punk: Let me start out by saying that I'm not surprised that you, John, would come out here and say something nice about the football Giants. That's so typical of you, you really just wanna endear yourself with these - I suppose I'm s'posed to come out here now and let everyone know the truth that the Giants suck. But that's not what I'm gonna do. I'm actually a huge Giants fan. But they're the Giants from San Fransisco (I don't get that). Anyway you want change? That's laughable, pal. I've been WWE Champion for 337 and counting. Which means you haven't been champion for a lot longer than that. That, ladies and gentlemen, is change you can count on. I've done everything I promised that I would do, and then some. I am the best in the world. Not you, not the Giants, not Ryback. So you can come out and you can speak for Ryback all you want. You can promise he's gonna hurt me, yo ucan promise all sorts of- some bodily harm he's gonna do to me inside Hell in a Cell. You can promise destruction and you can promise change. That's fine, but everbody here knows that when CM Punk makes a promise, he means it. And I promise that I will walk out of Hell in a Cell STILL your WWE Champion. I do like your new role here in the WWE though John, being Ryback's cheerleader. It fits you so wel. To me it means one thing, you finally realise something I've known all along. It's that you can't beat me.
JC: I wanted to come out here and let the WWE Universe know how excited I was for this Sunday's WWE PPV. Allow me to take a second and talk about myself. It's not that I can't beat you, it's that I wasn't allowed to beat you. So news as far as it goes to me, yours truly is now officially medically clear. You already have a PPV Championship match set up and I'm not going to mess with that. But I'd like to mess up your face right here right now.
Punk: Yeah you and how many of your little Giants, huh?!
JC: No hey you, you keep your championship for sunday against ryback, you're going to need it. You come down here right now and I'll give you a pre-ass whipping to the real ass-whipping.
CM Punk makes his way to the ring as Heyman screams at him not to. Heyman is great.
Heyman: Don't do this! Punk! Don't do this! You are the WWE Champion! You've got Ryback on Sunday! You don't fight for free! You don't fight for free!
Finally Punk, who had made his way to the apron, hops back down and is handed his Championship, as he holds it up high while backing away. Heyman continues to tell him he doesn't fight for free, and that his decision is was smart. Ad break 4.
We're back with Justin Gabriel vs Antonio Cesaro. I see Cesaro winning this, as he goes to the outside to grab a mic. He says some stuff in a language. Swiss, I guess? No translation this time.
As Cesaro puts the mic back and turns round, Gabriel jumps on him over the top rope and rolls him in the ring. Cesaro slingshots Gabriel on the top rope and stomps him down. Uppercut from Cesaro followed by another uppercut to the back of the head. Gut Wrench Slam by Cesaro followed by a double stomp on Gabriel. Chin Lock by Cesaro as he shouts stuff to someone. Gabriel makes his way back up to a vertical base and hits elbows to Cesaro. Cesaro responds by picking him up and dumping him gut-first on the top turnbuckle, followed by his running knee. Is that a boring chant? Some people. 2 count by Cesaro and back into the Chin Lock. Gabriel again fights out but Cesaro whips him into the corner and charges. Gabriel gets his legs up so Cesaro eats Gabriel's boot. Gabriel comes out of the corner but Cesaro sends him crashing neck first into the turnbuckle. Ouch. That was awesome, Gabriel flips up and hits with elbow strikes, then an elbow to the throat. Gabriel goes up for the 450 splash but Cesaro crotches him. Cesaro goes for a Superplex but Gabriel fights out. Two chops send Cesaro down but Cesaro is back up with punches, knocking Gabriel to the apron. Gabriel hits a jumping Enziguri on Cesaro, sending him crashing to the mat. Gabriel hits the 450 splash for the 1, 2.. 3?! Big upset win for Gabriel. Good for him. Hopefully this'll go somewhere, although why couldn't they do this a few weeks ago and actually build toward the PPV? Y'know, make people care about it? Nevermind.
Winner: Justin Gabriel#
A limo pulls up as Mr. McMahon comes out, followed by AJ, who doesn't look happy. Ad break 5. We're back with McMahon and AJ making their way to the ring. Uh.. dunno if this happened to anyone else but Sky Sports went black, then the WWE '13 ad thing came up, and another ad break. What? WHAT?! Fucking ad breaks. Oh, that lasted like 10 seconds. We're back. What's going on?
Vince McMahon: Earlier today AJ Lee met with the WWE Board of Directors for several hours, and the subject matter of that meeting was AJ's tenure as the general manager of monday night raw. So here to tell you the reults of that meeting in her own words, AJ.
AJ: Because of allegations of my fratenising with a superstar on the roster, I'm hereby resigning as the general manager of raw. (some cheers, followed by a no chant) I just wanna say that these allegations are completely false. But I understand that I could have been fired a long time ago. I could've been fired when I attacked Vickie or when I attacked Paul Heyman. Or for a lot of the decisions I've made that have been deemed unfair, and that's fine, so when I was asked to resign, I agreed. And I know that some of my decisions may have been unorthodox. Some people may consider me mentally unstable, but I just, I think some people like a crazy chick (crowd, mostly men, start chanting yes) And I know that this is coming to an end a little sooner than I wanted it to but, I've come so far from where I was before. I grew up 15 minutes from here (cheer), and I don't know if you guys know my story but, I grew up with nothing. I've lived in cars, and I've lived in motels and I've gone from - I've gone from being homeless to being the boss. And I thought I was always gonna be a little poor girl who never made it, who never made anything out of her life, and you guys accepted me. So I just wanna thank you guys for a=every second, because I've loved every second of this job. And I wanna thank you Vince, for giving me an opportunity, that no one else would've ever given me. Thank you.
AJ and Vince hug in the ring.
Paul Heyman: I'm sure, that I speak for everybody here this evening, when I tell you, that I was unaware of AJ's touching life story. I mean, think about the one in a billion chance, of a homeless girl rising up to the prominence of becoming the general manager of the longest running episodic show in the history of television. AJ rose above her lack of intelligence. AJ rose above her lack of education. AJ rose above her lack of class. AJ rose above the fact that she was born and bred a Jersey girl. No offence, but business is business. And in the name of business, there needs to be a new general manager here on Monday Night Raw. And I understand Mr McMahon, as the board has the name someone immediately, and you as the chairman should sign off on this choice and you need someone with class. You need someone with education., You need someone with dignity You need someone, when the time is right, to demonstrate ruthless aggression. And I know that you and I have butted heads, and how wrong I've been in the past and even recently with you. But I wanna let you know, sir, that I humbly suggest to you and the board of directors, that if you need me to step in, the next general manager of Monday Night Raw, should be Paul Heyman.
Vince McMahon pauses for a bit before slowly walking to Paul E. and simply saying No.
Vince McMahon: Allow me to introduce this person that is not the general manager, not the Interim general manager. This peron is the managing supervisor of Monday Night Raw. Vickie Guerrero.
Oh God. OH GOD. Please, no. PLEASE. She was great with her time with Edge, but it's so stale. Excuse me annoys me for all the wrong reasons. I don't wanna love to hate her, I want her to go away, or just go to the background.
Vickie: First of all (booo), I - I just wanna thank the WWE board of directors, for giving me this opportunity EXCUSE ME. I am so touched that the board values my expertise.
Paul Heyman: Excuse ME (cheer). Ms. Guerrero. Now that you're in a position of power, it's time for you to make your first decision. And I suggest to you that that first decision should be a momentous decision. Y'know if I knew you were in the running I never would've pitched myself to Vince Mc Mahon or the Board of Directors because I would've given you my vote of confidence. Which is why, if I may, Vickie, I suggest that you undo the damage that Vince McMahon did, when he gave CM Punk, your reigning defending WWE Champion and best in the world, an option at Hell in a Cell and stripped CM Punk of that option and forced him into Hell in a Cell against Ryback. Because Ryback is not just a challenger. Ryback is a Punk-eating carnivore. And you -
Vickie: Mr. Heyman! Excuse me.But since I am in charge your client, CM Punk will face Ryback at Hell in a Cell.
Paul Heyman: That's a horrible decision!
Vickie: Oh wait! Wait! I have some more good news for you, because I'm going to show you and everyone else here tonight, that i'm gonna do things better and bigger than Booker T on Smackdown! Tonight's main event will be champion vs champion, CM Punk vs Sheamus.
Paul Heyman: You can't do that!
Vickie: Watch me. Because wheat i'm gonna do next you're not gonna like either. Tonight's main event will be the largest lumberjack match in the history of Monday Night Raw.
Paul E. is beside himself as he storms off, shouting. He's awesome. "I LOVE YOU PAUL E.!" Haha, brilliant.
Vickie: Tsk, tsk, tsk AJ. I knew this all along, that you were not right for this job. Your immaturity and your little girl dress clothes, is not for a woman authority. Because I am a woman who is mature, wise and I have the experience to run Monday Night Raw. That is why, the directors believe in me to be the managing, no wait, soon to be, the general manager. And these allegations, hold on, wait! Do you know what the allegations are? Let's hear the allegations. Your allegations are not only fratenising, they're not only fratenising with the talent. You had an affair! And you disgust me. So I need you to go backstage, and pack up all your Barbies and your little dolls, and you need to get out, cause since this is my ring now, you need to leave.
AJ walks away and gets to the ropes before stopping. She smiles briefly before turning round and jumping Vickie, much to the delight of the crowd. They brawl for quite a bit actually before Vickie buggers off. AJ laughs to herself and skips up the ramp as we go to ad break 6 (I think).
Ryback makes his way out now, for his match against Miz. Miz comes out, slowly, as he is not looking forward to facing Ryback. Miz calls the ref over and looks to be trying to get out of the match. Ryback takes him in the ring the hard way. The ref seperate both men to make sure Miz is ready, who takes his shirt off. Now he's ready! Goldberg chant starts up as Ryback stalks Miz around the ring. Miz tries to run past Ryback but Ryback catches him and throws him awkwardly threw the ropes. Ryback follows Miz out the ring and invites him to try to run away. Miz goes back into the ring and attempts to give Ryback a boot. Ryback catches Miz's foot and shoves him down. Miz in the corner fights back with a kick and punch then runs into and onto Ryback's shoulders for a Pumphandle Slam, but Miz fights out of it. Ryback puts Miz down with a big boot and slams the back of his head against the mat. Ryback sets up for the Meat Hook Clothesline but Miz dodges. Miz then runs into Ryback who knocks him down. Miz ties Ryback up on the top rope, and goes to the top rope. Ryback encourages him to jump off, which he does, straight into Ryback's arms and into a Spinebuster. Ryback starts the Feed Me More chant, which the crowd obliges as he winds up the Meat Hook Clothesline, which he hits this time. Finish Him taunt as Ryback gets Miz up for Shell Shocked. 1, 2, 3 and goodnight Miz.
It's probably just me, but from what I've seen so far, the graphics for WWE 13 do not seem particularly impressive. They actually look quite poor. I'll get the game anyway, of course. Ad break 7.
Eve is shown backstage bitching about AJ as Kaitlyn walks up:
Kaitlyn: And who are you to throw stones?
Eve: What are you talking about?
Kaitlyn: Well you wanna talk about AJ being unprofessional. At least she never arranged for someone to be attacked from behind.
Eve: Kailtyn, is this still about who attacked you at Night of Champions? I told you I had nothing to do with that.
Kaitlyn: You're full of it, Eve. Y'know, remember the blond wig we found, the one you had Aksana attack me in? I saw the e-mail.
Eve: Aksa..?
Kailtyn: I saw the e-mail.
Eve: Look I don't know what you thought you saw...
Kaitlyn: I took a picture of your ipad.
Eve goes to grab the phone with the picture on it
Kaitlyn: I guess you shouldn't have just left it, lying around.
Eve: You went through my ipad? You cannot go through my things, I am gonna go to Booker with this, I don't know what you thought you saw, this is a huge misunderstanding.
Kaitlyn: Drop the little nice girl act. You're still the same conniving, witch that you've always been.
Eve takes her glasses off and gives a ridiculously hard slap to Kailtyn. They brawl. Layla comes in to break it up and ask Kailtyn what's wrong. Eve shoves Layla who asks her are you serious? before it turns into a three-way brawl. Refs come to break it up.
Josh Matthews is backstage somewhere with one of those squeezey dolls of Sheamus.
Josh: This is a Brawlin' Buddy and later tonight my guest at this time will certainly be brawling in the largest lumberjack match in the history of mnr, please welcome the WHC champion, sheamus.
Sheamus: How's it going Josh, how are ya?
Josh: here's your brawlin' buddy
Sheamus: Ah the old brawlin' biddy I see, these things are great (squeeze) hahaha just like the real thing. Just do me a favour would ya, just keep it outta the sun, it burns really easy.
Josh: Sheamus in all seriousness though, how are you feeling about having to face CM Punk in this largest lumberjack match in the history of Monday night raw later tonight?
Sheamus: Y'know Josh, if there's anything I love better than a WWE Champion vs World Heavyweight Championship match - it's that type of caliber match, where 30 fellas on the outside of the ring, chaos breaking out at any time, anarchy about to happen! See that's what I love, I lvoe the unpredictability.
Josh: See it's the chaos though that I wanna talk about considering the fact that you have to face the big show this sunday, with your World Heavyweight Championship hanging in the balance, will the Lumberjack match match have a negative effect on sunday?
Sheamus: C'mon Josh look, I don't worry about what may or may not happen every time i step into the... heh, there he is.
Enter Big Show. Sheamus holds up his toy in front of show's face and squeezes it. Show punches it out of Sheamus's hands, simultaneously wiping the smug smile off his face. I love this Big Show.
Big Show: You put a doll in my face? You better get serious real quick. See how your brawlin buddy went flying? Same thing's gonna happen to you at Hell in a Cell this Sunday 'cause i'm gonna knock you out and take that championship. You better get serious.
Daniel Bryan out now, for a match against Dolph Ziggler. Man my hands are hurting now. POWER THROUGH!
Back from ad break 8 as Mr. Ziggles enters the ring. Cole explains the reason for the match being on Smackdown! D-Bry made Dolph tap out.
Tie-up as Bryan instantly works on the arm, Ziggler twists out and twists Bryan up before Bryan throws Ziggler over his shoulder. Stand off and both men tie-up again, Bryan with a waist lock. Ziggler fights out with a headlock but Bryan shoves him off. Bryan goes for a roundhouse but Ziggler ducks out of the ring. Ziggler takes control with a kick to the gut and punches to the face and mid-section. Bryan fights back with stiff forearms but Ziggler shuts him up with another kick to the gut. Bryan whipped in the corner, sticks his legs up at a charging Ziggler who eats his boots. Ziggler dodges a clothesline and pushes Bryan into the corner and goes for a roll-up but Bryan hangs on. Bryan charges but runs into a beautiful standing dropkick from Ziggler. That was quick, had to pause it. "Damn I'm GOOD!" from Ziggler. Yes you are, sir. Ziggler with a neckbreaker, takes his time to stroll over and goes for a suplex. Bryan up and over goes for the No Lock. Ziggler pushes him off and goes to jump over Bryan but Bryan grabs Ziggler's leg mid-air and plants him face first. Nice. Bryan gives Ziggler a surf board, then stamps on the back of his thighs and knees. Ouchy. Bryan with a dragon screw and goes for a figure 4 leglock but Ziggler pushes Bryan off who lands neck first on the middle turnbuckle. Ziggler with body shots in the corner. He whips Bryan off the ropes but Bryan goes for a roll up instantly into the figure 4 leglock. The crowd 'Woooo!' in response but Ziggler gets to the ropes. Bryan with stomps on Ziggler who is on the apron. Ref tells him to back off but Bryan goes right back with forearms and a shoulder to the gut. He tries it again but Ziggler gets his knee up. Ziggler goes for a suplex from the ring to the outside and actually hits it. Bryan lands on his feet first but looks to be favouring the knee. Kane's pyro hits and he makes his way out. I like Kane, but don't come out, I'm enjoying this match. Ad break 9.
Back with both men on the mat with Bryan in a headlock. Both men make their way back up as Bryan hits body shots. Ziggler with a kick sends Bryan to the corner. Bryan whipped to the otherside, does his backflip off the top turnbuckle. Bryan then hits his leaping clothesline. He sells the knee as he lands and hits his running front dropkick on Ziggler. Bloody hell that landed hard. 2 count for Bryan. Bryan with his kicks to a kneeling Ziggler as Cole does a shout out to Lawler who is still recovering. Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag but Bryan ducks and attempts the No Lock. Ziggler rolls away and goes for a Jacknife cover, but Bryan counters with a pinning combination of his own for 2. Ziggler slaps on the sleeper hold but Bryan rolls him out. Bryan charges but Ziggler hits a vicious jumping DDT for a 2 count. Great match. Ziggler beats down Bryan in the corner and charges for a splash but misses and smashes the fuck out of his shoulder on the ring post and goes completely flying out the ring. Bugger me that looked vicious. Bryan hits a suicide dive on Ziggler as both men are down. This is the kind've match that separates the men from the boys. You don't need chairs or tables to make a match look vicious as fuck. Crowd chant "This is awesome" and they are correct. Bryan up top as Ziggler jumps up to meet him and hits X-Pac's finisher off the top rope. Great move. Ziggler tentatively goes for the cover but Bryan kicks out. Ziggler beats down Bryan as he gets up first but Bryan hits a low dropkick to put Ziggler down. Bryan with a roundhouse to Ziggler's face. I need to rewind 'cause that looked like it properly connected. Maybe not. Damn Ziggler is quick. Kane starts chanting 'Yes' from the outside, which distracts Bryan. Bryan gets annoyed and shouts 'No' at Kane. Ziggler hits the Zig Zag off the second rope for the win.
Post-match, Kane enters the ring and both men argue, as usual. Kane tries to explain he was helping Bryan, and Bryan refutes it. Bryan shoves Kane as the crowd chant 'Hug it Out'. Matt Striker enters the ring, and asks both men to stop asking, then.
Striker: Gentlemen, please! I'm sorry, the managing supervisor of Raw Vickie Guerrero told me to come out here because she has a surprise for the two of you. Vickie wanted me to let you guys know that for the first time ever, you two will compete tonight in something that vickie has called a theraputic game show. Everyone has heard of the newly wed game. This is called the newly tag game and Vickie has told me that I have to be the host. Now guys, listen, I just hope that whatever has gone on between the three of us over the past few weeks can be just kept in the past, please? Why don't you guys just get comfortable, because your opponents for the contest tonight are the same two men you will face this sunday at the Hell in a Cell PPV for your Tag Team Championships, Team Rhodes Scholars. So get situated because this unique and fun game show will happen next.
Oh dear God. Ad break 10.
Team Hell No are sat on the right side of the ring. There's some stupid music playing.
Striker: Okay ladies and gentlemen, welcome to WWE's newest tag team game show - the newly tag game! Now, this game is designed for partners to better get to know one another, to bolster their friendship. Now, I would like to first introduce our -
Kane: We've met.
Striker: Well, why don't you tell the WWE Universe a little bit about yourselves. Please.
Bryan: My name is Daniel. I'm a former WHC. I do not have a goat face! I am the World's Toughest Vegan! And more importantly than anything else, (he turns to Kane and shouts) I'M THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! (Bryan then turns to Striker and says) Stupid! Stupid! - I agree.
Kane: My name is Kane. I'm a Scorpio. I enjoy long walks on the beach. Rainbows, and puppies.
Striker: Seriously?
Kane: Hell! No!
Daniel Bryan: Wait a second, all that stuff is true, you love rainbows.
Both men argue and talk over each other as Team Rhodes Scholars enter the ring/gameshow/stupid.
Sandow: How dare you invite us to participate in such facetious tomfoolery. As your intellectual savior, what is happening in that ring, is the very putrification of our society that we are trying to diligently to eradicate! Therefore, we will not be.. abenning? (What?) such foolishness.
Rhodes: What he said. Now, the good news is, you will get to know us as well as we know each other this Sunday when we beat you for the TTC.
Sandow: You're welcome!
Team Rhodes Scholars walk off.
Kane: Well it looks like your olittle game show is a total bust!
Striker: How about a hand, to the winners as a result of a forfeit - team Hell No!
Bryan jumps out of his seat and celebrates like he's just won a nobel prize. Brilliant. Kane stands up and stares down Striker. He goes for a chokeslam but Striker bails, understandably. Striker has a smile on his face as he says
Striker: Kane, Daniel I really wish I could say that I wish the two of you luck this sunday but honestly, I don't. I really, really don't. Sorry.
Striker backs into Big Show who grabs him by the scruff of his neck and throws him across the stage. Time for Big Show vs Kane as we hit ad break 11.
In the ring, Big Show has Kane in the corner. The match started with Show shoving Kane out the ring in a test of strength. Show is telling the crowd to sit down and calling them hobbits. Brilliant. Kane takes advantage bd ducking a chop and giving running clotheslines to Show. Kane off the ropes eats a spear from Show. Big Show intimidates Bryan on the outside as he works over Kane's arms with elbows. Kane fights back with punches and kicks but Show puts him down in the corner with punches and heabutts. Bryan is cheering Kane on by slapping the apron. Kane fights back with punches but Show hits a scoop slam followed by a massive elbow for a 2 count. Show hits body shots on Kane, who staggers up and into the corner. Show with headbutts and slaps a bear hug in the middle of the ring. Bryan cheers Kane on again. Kane tries to fight out of it but Show tightens his grip. Kane goes to light Show up but Show lands on him for a 2. Big Show pushes Kane's neck down on the ropes to the count of 3 (out of 5). Kane hits a few punches on Show but again Show goes for the body shots. Kane stands toe to toe and hits a running DDT on Show for a 2 count. Kane goes up top as Big Show staggers to his feet. Kane hits his top rope clothesline but only gets a 2. Kane signals for the Chokeslam as Team Rhodes Scholars re-appear and slowly make their way down to the ring. Kane is distracted and turns round to get knocked out by Show for the win.
Post-match, Team Rhodes Scholars beat down Bryan. They roll him in the ring and Rhodes hits Cross Rhodes on Bryan. Both men look pleased with their work as they walk off, happy that their message has been sent. Sandow screams You're Welcome! as they make their way up the ramp.
Backstage, Santino is chatting with AJ
Santino: If it's any consulation, I think you did a very good job, and you will be missed.
AJ: Thank you
John Cena turns up and Santino leaves.
John Cena: If there is ever anything you need, if there is anything I can do for you, you let me know.
AJ: I can't believe any of this. I know there are a lot of things I've done that I should've been fired for and I said that out there, but not for this. They say I was fratenising. John, Vickie said I had n affair.
John Cena: Yeah and you just let it go. She's said that. I';m just, right off the top of your head,m she said you were seeing somebody, give me a name, I'll go in the locker room, I'll get 'em., we'll get their side of the story, then it'll become 'he said', 'she said' and it's all allegations, and nothing means nothing and you get your job back you just gave up out there
AJ: John. It was you.
John Cena: Wait, what?
AJ: That's why when the board asked me to resign I didn't fight it, okay, I didn't want to drag your name into it
John Cena: Drag my name into it? Oh, you're talking about that business dinner we had? It was business. Yeah, friends. Business friends. How can they make something outta that?
AJ: I don't know but they did and they went to the board and we're in the situation now and it's just a mess. I think it was Vickie Guerrero. I'm sorry, I didn't want it to get to this and it's a mess now and I don't know how to deal -
Cena comforts her with a hug.
John Cena: Don't worry, I'm gonna take care of it. I'll take care of it.
Ad break 12.
Cena is backstage and finds Vince getting into his care.
Cena: Woah, woah. Let me get this straight. Vickie Guerrero comes to you with some bogus story about AJ and myself and not only do you believe it but you give her AJ's job?
VKM: John this is not the time or place to discuss this, okay?
Cena: Hey, enough of the corporate BS. Man to man, what happened?
VKM: There was some incriminating evidence, okay if --
Cena: Incriminating evidence - a business dinner? You've never had a business dinner?
VKM: All I can tell ya as far as this is concerned, I mean, you've got a situation where if it wasn't this it would be something else. AJ was on probation, c'mon. It was a matter of time.
Cena: What about Vickie?
VKM: In all likelihood it is some sort of interim kind of thing, she's the managing supervisor, I don't know what that means myself. Look, it is what it is.
Vince gets in the car and leaves.
ADR is out next, introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez. Zack Ryder is his opponent. ADR instantly beats the shite out of Ryder and shoves him in the corner. Hard kick and a slap followed by stomps to the back of Ryder's head. Ryder fights back with forearms and punches but ADR puts him down with a snap suplex. 2 count. Crowd are behind Ryder as he eats a kick to the face from ADR. ADR works on Ryder's arm. Ryder bounces ADR off the ropes and goes for a sunset pin but to no avail. ADR kicks Ryder in the face for a 2 followed by an armbar. Ryder fights back with forearms but gets a headbutt from ADR. Ryder knocks ADR down with clotheslines and sets ADR up for the Broski Boot, which misses and Ryder is crotched on the ropes. ADR ties Ryder's arm up in the rope and kicks the crap out of it. He then slaps on the Cross Armbreaker and it doesn't take long for Ryder to tap. ADR keeps it on for a little while, just for good measure.
Post-match
ADR: You like that, Randy?! Huh?! Huh Randy, tell me! Tell me! I'm going to cut your head off at Hell in a Cell, you little snake!
He slaps the Cross Armbreaker on Ryder again and Rodriguez holds the mic to ADR's mouth as he shouts some stuff. Then Rodriguez repeatedly shouts ADR.
Cena barges into Vickie's office backstage.
Cena: We need to talk.
Vickie: Can I help you, John?
Cena: Can you help me? Cut the crap.
Vickie: Hold on do not barge into my office and talk to me this way. May I remind you that I am the managing supervisor
Cena: You.. are a lot of things, but I will call you a backstabbing liar and that is being polite
Vickie: Do not give me attitude because your little girlfriend AJ cannot seperate business from pleasure
Cena: Vickie, it was a business dinner. It was nothing more than that and you know it. You cost that girl her job, that's a job she loved
Vickie: John, perception is reality and the reality is you asked AJ out on a date on Raw and you ended up having dinner with her. The reality is AJ got what she deserved. The reality is you costed AJ her job.
Cena, realising he may in fact be a dumbass, walked off. Main event next.
Matthews backstage:
Josh: Ladies and gentlemen please welcome Mr. money in the bank, Dolph Ziggler. Dolph you look as confident as ever you've gotta be happy about your victory earlier tonight against Daniel Bryan.
Ziggler: Of course I am, obviously Josh c'mon but,m what's with the whole AJ thing. It's really gonna put a damp on my entire evening, I always thought she was a good egg but you can't put your hands on people, especially Vickie Guerrero And you know she's been fratenising with superstars. And even tonight she attacked Vickie Guerrero again. You can't have actions without consequences Josh. But at the end of the day there's only really one person who's to blame for all this - John Cena. I hope he's real happy with what he's done with himself. You would've thought AJ would have better taste, y'know?
#
There was a promo about Ryback. Heyman and POunk are watching it backstage
Heyman: Whatever you do, don't let that get into your head
Punk: It's not in my head, alright?
Heyman: No you're the best in the world
Punk: Did I say I wasn't the best in the world? Alright but this is the kind of disrespect i've been talking about for months. We're 6 days out from Hell in a Cell and I get thrown in a Champion vs Champion Lumberjack match? Only been a couple hours but I'm already missing AJ.
Heyman: Don't think about AJ. Don't even worry about Sheamus, you're going to defeat Sheamus. Here's what I know in life. Nest monday when raw goes on the air live, everyone is going to be faced with the facts. The facts that at Hell in a Cell you defeat Ryback. The fact that you are still, next Monday, the reigning, defending WWE Champion, and the fact that you, CM Punk, are the best in the world.
Punk looks determined thanks to the pep talk. Ad break 13(?)
Punk enters first, the rest of the roster are around the ring. Sheamus enters next. Here we go.
Punk throws kicks but as warnings before they tie up. Waist lock by Punk. Sheamus turns it around and takes unk down. Punk wit ha front headlock gets pushed to the corner byu Sheamus. Sheamus backs off at the request of the ref and they start again. They go to lock hands to test their strength and Punk hits a kick to the gut and throws Sheamus out the ring. Sheamus stares the lumberjacks down and re-enters the ring, as they do nothing. Punk goes to kick Sheamus but Sheamus grabs his foot, spins him around and lands an Atomic Drop before shoving Punk out the ring. Ooh! REGAL! I LOVE YOU REGAL! The Lumberjacks shove Punk in who gets dropped by Sheamus. Sheamus weith knee drops and a cover of 1. Sheamus with an arm wrench into a headlock takedown. Punk pushes Sheamus into the corner and fights out with headbutts to the gut. Punk brings Sheamus out, bounces him off the ropes and delivers another headbutt to the midsection. Punk goes for a neckbreaker but Sheamus shoves him away and hits a shoulderblock. Scoop slam followed by Elbow Drop by Sheamus for a 2 count. Sheamus wrenches Punk's arm back and Punk fights out, but gets clotheslined out the ring. The Lumberjacks shove Punk back in. Sheamus gives Punk a back breaker and 2 count. Punk on the apron gets the ten clubbing blows from Sheamus. Punk gives Sheamus a stunner using the ropes followed by a springboard clothesline. Punk throws Sheamus out and the lumberjacks beat the crap out of him before throwing him back in the ring as Punk covers for a 2. Ad break 14.
Back with Punk giving Sheamus a headlock, who pushes Punk to the corner and beats him down with punches to the gut and elbows to the back of the head. Off the ropes Punk gives Sheamus a kick and a cover of 2. Anaconda Vice style hold by Punk. Haha, that was great. Big Show is standing by the announcers and Cold mentioned Big Show's last reign of 45 seconds. Show slammed the table and made Cole shit himself. Sheamus gets Punk up for White Noise but yet again Punk throws Sheamus out again. A brawl ensues as the lumberjacks try to get him back in the ring. They calm down as Punk gives Sheamus a neckbreaker. He follows it up from the top rope as he connects with a double ax handle. Punk goes up again for a second double ax handle. Punk up a third time (this clearly won't work), goes for it but gets punched in the gut by Sheamus. More shots to the mid-section and head as Sheamus bounces off the ropes to eat a knee from Punk, followed by a kick to the back. Punk with a Scoop Slam, goes back up top again. Randy Savage Elbow was intended but Punk jumps down and gives a standard elbow. That was funny. Punk goes for a cover but Sheamus kicks out. Headlock by Punk on Sheamus. Sheamus hits his double ax handles as Punk comes off the rope. He follows it with a clothesline in the corner and the rolling senton. Sheamus again goes for the 10 clubbing blows, which all connect this time, followed by a suplex into the ring for a 2 count. Sheamus with a shoulder block, goes for his knee but is met with a heel kick from CM Punk. Punk goes for the knee to the corner but Sheamus picks him for White Noise. Punk rolls out, Sheamus goes for the Cloverleaf, Punk kicks Sheamus who is sent to the corner and Punk hits his knee followed by a clothesline and 2 count. Punk goes back up top as Sheamus makes his way up and meets Punk with punches. Sheamus goes for a Superplex, which he hits. Just noticed Mason Ryan. Punk kicks out at 2. Sheamus goes for the Irish Curse Backbreaker but Punk counters with elbows. Punk goes for the GTS but Sheamus counters with elbows himself. Punk gives Sheamus a drop toe hold into the turnbuckle and rolls him up for 2. Punk floors Sheamus with a kick to the back of the head for another 2 count. Punk goes up yet again, shouts best in the world, before going for the Randy Savage Elbow, but misses. Sheamus hits his Irish Curse Backbreaker for a 2 count. Sheamus goes for the Cloverleaf, but Punk holds Sheamus's legs to block it. Punk shoves him off, Sheamus charges Punk but Punk pulls the top rope down, sending Sheamus over. Sheamus thrashes at the lumberjacks and makes his way back in the ring, as he hits White Noise on Punk. Sheamus sets up for the Brogue Kick, but Cesaro enters the ring. Cesaro gets Brogue kicked, as does Jinder Mahal. Sheamus goes to Brogue Kick Punk, who ducks and Sheamus gets grabbed by Big Show, who chokeslams him. The ref didn't see, although I'm pretty sure it's no DQ. Punk gets the pin, and immediately Ryback's music hits. Ryback marches down as Punk looks on in horror. The lumberjacks part ways allowing Ryback to enter the ring. Punk runs, but the lumberjacks hold him and throw him in the ring. Backbreaker and pumphandle slam by Ryback. Punk tries to run again but is thrown back in, and eats a powerbomb. Again Punk tries to run and again is thrown back in. Ryback lifts Punk up and throws him out of the ring and onto the heel lumberjacks. Heyman shows up and ushers Punk away, as Ryback's music hits, standing tall in the ring, chanting feed me more.
That's pretty much it for this Raw. I thought it was really good, actually. I'm completely typed out. I'm not sure if it was worth doing it in that much detail, but if it was of good value to anyone, great! I dunno if I'll do the same next week. Let me know in the comments or follow me on twitter! Thanks for reading. Follow @jbrinkleyreview
Rey Mysterio starts off Raw as we kick off with the #1 contender's match for the Tag Team Championships. Glad to see Mysterio is better after his stomach virus. Sin Cara is out next. Do these guys have a name? Mystico? Myscara? Sisterio? J.R. is on commentary with Cole, by the way. Good!
Team Rhodes Scholars are out next. They've been my pick to win this tournament from the get-go, and I have no doubt they will win this.
Sin Cara and Rhodes start off with a tie-up. Rhodes forces Cara in the corner but Cara fights back with chops. Cara, whipped off the ropes, goes for a springboard elbow Tajiri-style but Rhodes ducks - Cara lands on his feet and hits a hurricanrana. Rey tagged in. Nice double team from Myscara and a cover for 2. Elbows by Rey but Rhodes fights back with an uppercut to the chin. Sandow in next who goes for a back suplex, but Rey rolls over. Elbows by Rey and a hurricanrana sets Sandow up on the middle rope. Rhodes pushes Sandow off but gets a suicide dive from Sin Cara. Mysterio hits Sandow with a seated senton on the outside as Team Hell No look on from backstage. Rey back in the ring with Sandow dangling on the middle rope. Sin Cara tags in who hits a springboard moonsault. That was rather pretty. 2 count from that moonsault. Cara takes it to Sandow in the turnbuckle. He gets whipped opposite corner and goes for a Cross Body but eats canvas. Sandow covers for 2 and tags in Rhodes. Rhodes hits a stalling vertical suplex with another cover for 2. Cara tries to tag Rey but Rhodes blocks him and tags in Sandow. Sandow aggressively digs his shoulder into Cara's gut. Quick tag as Rhodes comes back in with stomps to the gut. Cara tries to go for Rey but again Rhodes blocks him and tags Sandow in. Good tag team work from Team Rhodes Scholars. Suplex from Sandow, followed by an unguarded knee to the chin. Sandow takes a bow to nice heat before he tags Rhodes back in. Rhodes with a strikes to Cara in the corner. Cara tries to fight back but Rhodes puts him down, then taunts Rey. Sin Cara with a headbutt to the gut of Rhodes followed by a step-up Enziguri as we go for the first ad break.
We're back with Rhodes in control of Cara, hitting a scoop slam followed by a knee drop. Tag to Sandow who targets the mid-section of Cara. Sandow hits his Russian Leg Sweep followed by the Elbow of Disdain for a count that was broken up by Rey-rey. Rhodes in who puts Cara up on the turnbuckle. Cara fights out of it and shoves Rhodes off before hitting a Tornado DDT. Rey gets fired up on the apron as he awaits the hot tag. In comes Mysterio who hits a seated senton on Rhodes. He then knocks Sandow off and hits a headscissors on Rhodes. Drop toe hold sends Cody face-first on the second turnbuckle. Hardy Moonsaults by Rey gets a 2 count. Rey sets Team Scholars up for the 619, which he connects on both. Missile Splash by Rey on Rhodes for the 1, 2.. NO! Sandow gets in the way of the ref to stop the pinfall. Cara hits an Enziguri on Sandow, who rolls out to the ring. With Mysterio distracted, Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the 1, 2, 3.
Winners and #1 contenders for the Tag Team Championships: Team Rhodes Scholars
Post-match, Team Hell No appear on the Titantron, with Kane congratulating Cody, and Bryan congratulating Damien.
Kane: But the question is, whether or not you'll win the Tag Team Championship
Bryan and Kane: Hell, No!
Kane: However, in honour of your victory, I'd like to perform a little magic. Now you see him (Kane grabs Bryan by the beard and pulls him behind him) now you don't.
*Bryan tries to come to the foreground again as Kane lights his pyro in the ring*
Team Rhodes Scholars look worried as we hit ad break #2
I've never seen Ryder's youtube show, but apparently it's ending or something. They went to Egypt, which is what they're letting us know. Fantastic.
New Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston is out now, with Miz on commentary. Kingston is against former Nexus member and resident jobber Michael McGuillicutty (sp?). Kingston is clearly winning this. I'm going to call McGuillitilgityicutty Perfect because of his father, and that name is stupid. Perfect is aggressive in the early goings with strikes and knees to Kingston. Kingston fights back with chops but eats a knee to the gut. Perfect with chops of his own in the corner and a Back Breaker for a 2 count. Headlock by Perfect as Miz talks about why he has to fight Ryback later tonight, and that in 6 days he will get his title back. I wouldn't count on that, Mike. Kingston fights out of the Headlock with punches but again gets put down by Perfect. Seems that Perfect is getting a lot of control in thi- oh, nevermind. Trouble in Paradise sees this match end rather abruptly. I was just starting to get into it.
Winner: Kofi Kingston
Miz tells Kingston from the announce booth to keep the title warm for him, as his reign is going to be very, very short. Ad break 3 after a quick recap of the contract signing last week.
I hate those 'Did You Know?' things. No, I didn't know. Do you know that nobody cares? Huh?! HUH?!
The New York Giants are in the crowd, apparently. I don't even know what sport they play. John Cena is out now. Quick bit of pandering as he mentions the New York Giants being there. Crowd boo that.
JC: And right next door the home of next year's Wrestlemania! And on top of that, this sunday the WWE proudly presents to you on PPV; Hell in the Cell. This Sunday is not just a normal PPV, because this sunday, the WWE Universe will finally find out that CM Punk... the WWE Universe will find out what a few people in this very crowd will know, is that CM Punk is a man that tells the truth. CM Punk has been WWE Champion for 337 days. (crowd cheer) But the most truthful thing CM Punk has ever said was right before he became WWE Champion. CM Punk was a visionary, and his vision was change. And this Sunday, at Hell in the Cell, after 337 days we... see.. change. Change, six-foot-three. Change, is 291l pounds and when change steps into this ring all he can hear over and over again is FEED. ME. MORE. FEED. ME. MORE. FEED. ME. MORE. (crowd chant FMM) Ryback is not an individual who will come out here and talk about an unreachable brass ring. Ryback is not a man who will comes out here complaining about some political conspiracy theory and Ryback sure as hell will not come out here and promise you a revolutionary Monday Night Raw and ice cream bars to boot. Ryback stands for one thing. That is destruction, and this Sunday, the FACE of the WWE will CHANGE.
Enter Punk, with Heyman.
Punk does a jig as he comes out, chuckling to himself. Heyman proudly lifts the title up as Punk surveys the crowd, arms folded.
Punk: Let me start out by saying that I'm not surprised that you, John, would come out here and say something nice about the football Giants. That's so typical of you, you really just wanna endear yourself with these - I suppose I'm s'posed to come out here now and let everyone know the truth that the Giants suck. But that's not what I'm gonna do. I'm actually a huge Giants fan. But they're the Giants from San Fransisco (I don't get that). Anyway you want change? That's laughable, pal. I've been WWE Champion for 337 and counting. Which means you haven't been champion for a lot longer than that. That, ladies and gentlemen, is change you can count on. I've done everything I promised that I would do, and then some. I am the best in the world. Not you, not the Giants, not Ryback. So you can come out and you can speak for Ryback all you want. You can promise he's gonna hurt me, yo ucan promise all sorts of- some bodily harm he's gonna do to me inside Hell in a Cell. You can promise destruction and you can promise change. That's fine, but everbody here knows that when CM Punk makes a promise, he means it. And I promise that I will walk out of Hell in a Cell STILL your WWE Champion. I do like your new role here in the WWE though John, being Ryback's cheerleader. It fits you so wel. To me it means one thing, you finally realise something I've known all along. It's that you can't beat me.
JC: I wanted to come out here and let the WWE Universe know how excited I was for this Sunday's WWE PPV. Allow me to take a second and talk about myself. It's not that I can't beat you, it's that I wasn't allowed to beat you. So news as far as it goes to me, yours truly is now officially medically clear. You already have a PPV Championship match set up and I'm not going to mess with that. But I'd like to mess up your face right here right now.
Punk: Yeah you and how many of your little Giants, huh?!
JC: No hey you, you keep your championship for sunday against ryback, you're going to need it. You come down here right now and I'll give you a pre-ass whipping to the real ass-whipping.
CM Punk makes his way to the ring as Heyman screams at him not to. Heyman is great.
Heyman: Don't do this! Punk! Don't do this! You are the WWE Champion! You've got Ryback on Sunday! You don't fight for free! You don't fight for free!
Finally Punk, who had made his way to the apron, hops back down and is handed his Championship, as he holds it up high while backing away. Heyman continues to tell him he doesn't fight for free, and that his decision is was smart. Ad break 4.
We're back with Justin Gabriel vs Antonio Cesaro. I see Cesaro winning this, as he goes to the outside to grab a mic. He says some stuff in a language. Swiss, I guess? No translation this time.
As Cesaro puts the mic back and turns round, Gabriel jumps on him over the top rope and rolls him in the ring. Cesaro slingshots Gabriel on the top rope and stomps him down. Uppercut from Cesaro followed by another uppercut to the back of the head. Gut Wrench Slam by Cesaro followed by a double stomp on Gabriel. Chin Lock by Cesaro as he shouts stuff to someone. Gabriel makes his way back up to a vertical base and hits elbows to Cesaro. Cesaro responds by picking him up and dumping him gut-first on the top turnbuckle, followed by his running knee. Is that a boring chant? Some people. 2 count by Cesaro and back into the Chin Lock. Gabriel again fights out but Cesaro whips him into the corner and charges. Gabriel gets his legs up so Cesaro eats Gabriel's boot. Gabriel comes out of the corner but Cesaro sends him crashing neck first into the turnbuckle. Ouch. That was awesome, Gabriel flips up and hits with elbow strikes, then an elbow to the throat. Gabriel goes up for the 450 splash but Cesaro crotches him. Cesaro goes for a Superplex but Gabriel fights out. Two chops send Cesaro down but Cesaro is back up with punches, knocking Gabriel to the apron. Gabriel hits a jumping Enziguri on Cesaro, sending him crashing to the mat. Gabriel hits the 450 splash for the 1, 2.. 3?! Big upset win for Gabriel. Good for him. Hopefully this'll go somewhere, although why couldn't they do this a few weeks ago and actually build toward the PPV? Y'know, make people care about it? Nevermind.
Winner: Justin Gabriel#
A limo pulls up as Mr. McMahon comes out, followed by AJ, who doesn't look happy. Ad break 5. We're back with McMahon and AJ making their way to the ring. Uh.. dunno if this happened to anyone else but Sky Sports went black, then the WWE '13 ad thing came up, and another ad break. What? WHAT?! Fucking ad breaks. Oh, that lasted like 10 seconds. We're back. What's going on?
Vince McMahon: Earlier today AJ Lee met with the WWE Board of Directors for several hours, and the subject matter of that meeting was AJ's tenure as the general manager of monday night raw. So here to tell you the reults of that meeting in her own words, AJ.
AJ: Because of allegations of my fratenising with a superstar on the roster, I'm hereby resigning as the general manager of raw. (some cheers, followed by a no chant) I just wanna say that these allegations are completely false. But I understand that I could have been fired a long time ago. I could've been fired when I attacked Vickie or when I attacked Paul Heyman. Or for a lot of the decisions I've made that have been deemed unfair, and that's fine, so when I was asked to resign, I agreed. And I know that some of my decisions may have been unorthodox. Some people may consider me mentally unstable, but I just, I think some people like a crazy chick (crowd, mostly men, start chanting yes) And I know that this is coming to an end a little sooner than I wanted it to but, I've come so far from where I was before. I grew up 15 minutes from here (cheer), and I don't know if you guys know my story but, I grew up with nothing. I've lived in cars, and I've lived in motels and I've gone from - I've gone from being homeless to being the boss. And I thought I was always gonna be a little poor girl who never made it, who never made anything out of her life, and you guys accepted me. So I just wanna thank you guys for a=every second, because I've loved every second of this job. And I wanna thank you Vince, for giving me an opportunity, that no one else would've ever given me. Thank you.
AJ and Vince hug in the ring.
Paul Heyman: I'm sure, that I speak for everybody here this evening, when I tell you, that I was unaware of AJ's touching life story. I mean, think about the one in a billion chance, of a homeless girl rising up to the prominence of becoming the general manager of the longest running episodic show in the history of television. AJ rose above her lack of intelligence. AJ rose above her lack of education. AJ rose above her lack of class. AJ rose above the fact that she was born and bred a Jersey girl. No offence, but business is business. And in the name of business, there needs to be a new general manager here on Monday Night Raw. And I understand Mr McMahon, as the board has the name someone immediately, and you as the chairman should sign off on this choice and you need someone with class. You need someone with education., You need someone with dignity You need someone, when the time is right, to demonstrate ruthless aggression. And I know that you and I have butted heads, and how wrong I've been in the past and even recently with you. But I wanna let you know, sir, that I humbly suggest to you and the board of directors, that if you need me to step in, the next general manager of Monday Night Raw, should be Paul Heyman.
Vince McMahon pauses for a bit before slowly walking to Paul E. and simply saying No.
Vince McMahon: Allow me to introduce this person that is not the general manager, not the Interim general manager. This peron is the managing supervisor of Monday Night Raw. Vickie Guerrero.
Oh God. OH GOD. Please, no. PLEASE. She was great with her time with Edge, but it's so stale. Excuse me annoys me for all the wrong reasons. I don't wanna love to hate her, I want her to go away, or just go to the background.
Vickie: First of all (booo), I - I just wanna thank the WWE board of directors, for giving me this opportunity EXCUSE ME. I am so touched that the board values my expertise.
Paul Heyman: Excuse ME (cheer). Ms. Guerrero. Now that you're in a position of power, it's time for you to make your first decision. And I suggest to you that that first decision should be a momentous decision. Y'know if I knew you were in the running I never would've pitched myself to Vince Mc Mahon or the Board of Directors because I would've given you my vote of confidence. Which is why, if I may, Vickie, I suggest that you undo the damage that Vince McMahon did, when he gave CM Punk, your reigning defending WWE Champion and best in the world, an option at Hell in a Cell and stripped CM Punk of that option and forced him into Hell in a Cell against Ryback. Because Ryback is not just a challenger. Ryback is a Punk-eating carnivore. And you -
Vickie: Mr. Heyman! Excuse me.But since I am in charge your client, CM Punk will face Ryback at Hell in a Cell.
Paul Heyman: That's a horrible decision!
Vickie: Oh wait! Wait! I have some more good news for you, because I'm going to show you and everyone else here tonight, that i'm gonna do things better and bigger than Booker T on Smackdown! Tonight's main event will be champion vs champion, CM Punk vs Sheamus.
Paul Heyman: You can't do that!
Vickie: Watch me. Because wheat i'm gonna do next you're not gonna like either. Tonight's main event will be the largest lumberjack match in the history of Monday Night Raw.
Paul E. is beside himself as he storms off, shouting. He's awesome. "I LOVE YOU PAUL E.!" Haha, brilliant.
Vickie: Tsk, tsk, tsk AJ. I knew this all along, that you were not right for this job. Your immaturity and your little girl dress clothes, is not for a woman authority. Because I am a woman who is mature, wise and I have the experience to run Monday Night Raw. That is why, the directors believe in me to be the managing, no wait, soon to be, the general manager. And these allegations, hold on, wait! Do you know what the allegations are? Let's hear the allegations. Your allegations are not only fratenising, they're not only fratenising with the talent. You had an affair! And you disgust me. So I need you to go backstage, and pack up all your Barbies and your little dolls, and you need to get out, cause since this is my ring now, you need to leave.
AJ walks away and gets to the ropes before stopping. She smiles briefly before turning round and jumping Vickie, much to the delight of the crowd. They brawl for quite a bit actually before Vickie buggers off. AJ laughs to herself and skips up the ramp as we go to ad break 6 (I think).
Ryback makes his way out now, for his match against Miz. Miz comes out, slowly, as he is not looking forward to facing Ryback. Miz calls the ref over and looks to be trying to get out of the match. Ryback takes him in the ring the hard way. The ref seperate both men to make sure Miz is ready, who takes his shirt off. Now he's ready! Goldberg chant starts up as Ryback stalks Miz around the ring. Miz tries to run past Ryback but Ryback catches him and throws him awkwardly threw the ropes. Ryback follows Miz out the ring and invites him to try to run away. Miz goes back into the ring and attempts to give Ryback a boot. Ryback catches Miz's foot and shoves him down. Miz in the corner fights back with a kick and punch then runs into and onto Ryback's shoulders for a Pumphandle Slam, but Miz fights out of it. Ryback puts Miz down with a big boot and slams the back of his head against the mat. Ryback sets up for the Meat Hook Clothesline but Miz dodges. Miz then runs into Ryback who knocks him down. Miz ties Ryback up on the top rope, and goes to the top rope. Ryback encourages him to jump off, which he does, straight into Ryback's arms and into a Spinebuster. Ryback starts the Feed Me More chant, which the crowd obliges as he winds up the Meat Hook Clothesline, which he hits this time. Finish Him taunt as Ryback gets Miz up for Shell Shocked. 1, 2, 3 and goodnight Miz.
It's probably just me, but from what I've seen so far, the graphics for WWE 13 do not seem particularly impressive. They actually look quite poor. I'll get the game anyway, of course. Ad break 7.
Eve is shown backstage bitching about AJ as Kaitlyn walks up:
Kaitlyn: And who are you to throw stones?
Eve: What are you talking about?
Kaitlyn: Well you wanna talk about AJ being unprofessional. At least she never arranged for someone to be attacked from behind.
Eve: Kailtyn, is this still about who attacked you at Night of Champions? I told you I had nothing to do with that.
Kaitlyn: You're full of it, Eve. Y'know, remember the blond wig we found, the one you had Aksana attack me in? I saw the e-mail.
Eve: Aksa..?
Kailtyn: I saw the e-mail.
Eve: Look I don't know what you thought you saw...
Kaitlyn: I took a picture of your ipad.
Eve goes to grab the phone with the picture on it
Kaitlyn: I guess you shouldn't have just left it, lying around.
Eve: You went through my ipad? You cannot go through my things, I am gonna go to Booker with this, I don't know what you thought you saw, this is a huge misunderstanding.
Kaitlyn: Drop the little nice girl act. You're still the same conniving, witch that you've always been.
Eve takes her glasses off and gives a ridiculously hard slap to Kailtyn. They brawl. Layla comes in to break it up and ask Kailtyn what's wrong. Eve shoves Layla who asks her are you serious? before it turns into a three-way brawl. Refs come to break it up.
Josh Matthews is backstage somewhere with one of those squeezey dolls of Sheamus.
Josh: This is a Brawlin' Buddy and later tonight my guest at this time will certainly be brawling in the largest lumberjack match in the history of mnr, please welcome the WHC champion, sheamus.
Sheamus: How's it going Josh, how are ya?
Josh: here's your brawlin' buddy
Sheamus: Ah the old brawlin' biddy I see, these things are great (squeeze) hahaha just like the real thing. Just do me a favour would ya, just keep it outta the sun, it burns really easy.
Josh: Sheamus in all seriousness though, how are you feeling about having to face CM Punk in this largest lumberjack match in the history of Monday night raw later tonight?
Sheamus: Y'know Josh, if there's anything I love better than a WWE Champion vs World Heavyweight Championship match - it's that type of caliber match, where 30 fellas on the outside of the ring, chaos breaking out at any time, anarchy about to happen! See that's what I love, I lvoe the unpredictability.
Josh: See it's the chaos though that I wanna talk about considering the fact that you have to face the big show this sunday, with your World Heavyweight Championship hanging in the balance, will the Lumberjack match match have a negative effect on sunday?
Sheamus: C'mon Josh look, I don't worry about what may or may not happen every time i step into the... heh, there he is.
Enter Big Show. Sheamus holds up his toy in front of show's face and squeezes it. Show punches it out of Sheamus's hands, simultaneously wiping the smug smile off his face. I love this Big Show.
Big Show: You put a doll in my face? You better get serious real quick. See how your brawlin buddy went flying? Same thing's gonna happen to you at Hell in a Cell this Sunday 'cause i'm gonna knock you out and take that championship. You better get serious.
Daniel Bryan out now, for a match against Dolph Ziggler. Man my hands are hurting now. POWER THROUGH!
Back from ad break 8 as Mr. Ziggles enters the ring. Cole explains the reason for the match being on Smackdown! D-Bry made Dolph tap out.
Tie-up as Bryan instantly works on the arm, Ziggler twists out and twists Bryan up before Bryan throws Ziggler over his shoulder. Stand off and both men tie-up again, Bryan with a waist lock. Ziggler fights out with a headlock but Bryan shoves him off. Bryan goes for a roundhouse but Ziggler ducks out of the ring. Ziggler takes control with a kick to the gut and punches to the face and mid-section. Bryan fights back with stiff forearms but Ziggler shuts him up with another kick to the gut. Bryan whipped in the corner, sticks his legs up at a charging Ziggler who eats his boots. Ziggler dodges a clothesline and pushes Bryan into the corner and goes for a roll-up but Bryan hangs on. Bryan charges but runs into a beautiful standing dropkick from Ziggler. That was quick, had to pause it. "Damn I'm GOOD!" from Ziggler. Yes you are, sir. Ziggler with a neckbreaker, takes his time to stroll over and goes for a suplex. Bryan up and over goes for the No Lock. Ziggler pushes him off and goes to jump over Bryan but Bryan grabs Ziggler's leg mid-air and plants him face first. Nice. Bryan gives Ziggler a surf board, then stamps on the back of his thighs and knees. Ouchy. Bryan with a dragon screw and goes for a figure 4 leglock but Ziggler pushes Bryan off who lands neck first on the middle turnbuckle. Ziggler with body shots in the corner. He whips Bryan off the ropes but Bryan goes for a roll up instantly into the figure 4 leglock. The crowd 'Woooo!' in response but Ziggler gets to the ropes. Bryan with stomps on Ziggler who is on the apron. Ref tells him to back off but Bryan goes right back with forearms and a shoulder to the gut. He tries it again but Ziggler gets his knee up. Ziggler goes for a suplex from the ring to the outside and actually hits it. Bryan lands on his feet first but looks to be favouring the knee. Kane's pyro hits and he makes his way out. I like Kane, but don't come out, I'm enjoying this match. Ad break 9.
Back with both men on the mat with Bryan in a headlock. Both men make their way back up as Bryan hits body shots. Ziggler with a kick sends Bryan to the corner. Bryan whipped to the otherside, does his backflip off the top turnbuckle. Bryan then hits his leaping clothesline. He sells the knee as he lands and hits his running front dropkick on Ziggler. Bloody hell that landed hard. 2 count for Bryan. Bryan with his kicks to a kneeling Ziggler as Cole does a shout out to Lawler who is still recovering. Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag but Bryan ducks and attempts the No Lock. Ziggler rolls away and goes for a Jacknife cover, but Bryan counters with a pinning combination of his own for 2. Ziggler slaps on the sleeper hold but Bryan rolls him out. Bryan charges but Ziggler hits a vicious jumping DDT for a 2 count. Great match. Ziggler beats down Bryan in the corner and charges for a splash but misses and smashes the fuck out of his shoulder on the ring post and goes completely flying out the ring. Bugger me that looked vicious. Bryan hits a suicide dive on Ziggler as both men are down. This is the kind've match that separates the men from the boys. You don't need chairs or tables to make a match look vicious as fuck. Crowd chant "This is awesome" and they are correct. Bryan up top as Ziggler jumps up to meet him and hits X-Pac's finisher off the top rope. Great move. Ziggler tentatively goes for the cover but Bryan kicks out. Ziggler beats down Bryan as he gets up first but Bryan hits a low dropkick to put Ziggler down. Bryan with a roundhouse to Ziggler's face. I need to rewind 'cause that looked like it properly connected. Maybe not. Damn Ziggler is quick. Kane starts chanting 'Yes' from the outside, which distracts Bryan. Bryan gets annoyed and shouts 'No' at Kane. Ziggler hits the Zig Zag off the second rope for the win.
Post-match, Kane enters the ring and both men argue, as usual. Kane tries to explain he was helping Bryan, and Bryan refutes it. Bryan shoves Kane as the crowd chant 'Hug it Out'. Matt Striker enters the ring, and asks both men to stop asking, then.
Striker: Gentlemen, please! I'm sorry, the managing supervisor of Raw Vickie Guerrero told me to come out here because she has a surprise for the two of you. Vickie wanted me to let you guys know that for the first time ever, you two will compete tonight in something that vickie has called a theraputic game show. Everyone has heard of the newly wed game. This is called the newly tag game and Vickie has told me that I have to be the host. Now guys, listen, I just hope that whatever has gone on between the three of us over the past few weeks can be just kept in the past, please? Why don't you guys just get comfortable, because your opponents for the contest tonight are the same two men you will face this sunday at the Hell in a Cell PPV for your Tag Team Championships, Team Rhodes Scholars. So get situated because this unique and fun game show will happen next.
Oh dear God. Ad break 10.
Team Hell No are sat on the right side of the ring. There's some stupid music playing.
Striker: Okay ladies and gentlemen, welcome to WWE's newest tag team game show - the newly tag game! Now, this game is designed for partners to better get to know one another, to bolster their friendship. Now, I would like to first introduce our -
Kane: We've met.
Striker: Well, why don't you tell the WWE Universe a little bit about yourselves. Please.
Bryan: My name is Daniel. I'm a former WHC. I do not have a goat face! I am the World's Toughest Vegan! And more importantly than anything else, (he turns to Kane and shouts) I'M THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! (Bryan then turns to Striker and says) Stupid! Stupid! - I agree.
Kane: My name is Kane. I'm a Scorpio. I enjoy long walks on the beach. Rainbows, and puppies.
Striker: Seriously?
Kane: Hell! No!
Daniel Bryan: Wait a second, all that stuff is true, you love rainbows.
Both men argue and talk over each other as Team Rhodes Scholars enter the ring/gameshow/stupid.
Sandow: How dare you invite us to participate in such facetious tomfoolery. As your intellectual savior, what is happening in that ring, is the very putrification of our society that we are trying to diligently to eradicate! Therefore, we will not be.. abenning? (What?) such foolishness.
Rhodes: What he said. Now, the good news is, you will get to know us as well as we know each other this Sunday when we beat you for the TTC.
Sandow: You're welcome!
Team Rhodes Scholars walk off.
Kane: Well it looks like your olittle game show is a total bust!
Striker: How about a hand, to the winners as a result of a forfeit - team Hell No!
Bryan jumps out of his seat and celebrates like he's just won a nobel prize. Brilliant. Kane stands up and stares down Striker. He goes for a chokeslam but Striker bails, understandably. Striker has a smile on his face as he says
Striker: Kane, Daniel I really wish I could say that I wish the two of you luck this sunday but honestly, I don't. I really, really don't. Sorry.
Striker backs into Big Show who grabs him by the scruff of his neck and throws him across the stage. Time for Big Show vs Kane as we hit ad break 11.
In the ring, Big Show has Kane in the corner. The match started with Show shoving Kane out the ring in a test of strength. Show is telling the crowd to sit down and calling them hobbits. Brilliant. Kane takes advantage bd ducking a chop and giving running clotheslines to Show. Kane off the ropes eats a spear from Show. Big Show intimidates Bryan on the outside as he works over Kane's arms with elbows. Kane fights back with punches and kicks but Show puts him down in the corner with punches and heabutts. Bryan is cheering Kane on by slapping the apron. Kane fights back with punches but Show hits a scoop slam followed by a massive elbow for a 2 count. Show hits body shots on Kane, who staggers up and into the corner. Show with headbutts and slaps a bear hug in the middle of the ring. Bryan cheers Kane on again. Kane tries to fight out of it but Show tightens his grip. Kane goes to light Show up but Show lands on him for a 2. Big Show pushes Kane's neck down on the ropes to the count of 3 (out of 5). Kane hits a few punches on Show but again Show goes for the body shots. Kane stands toe to toe and hits a running DDT on Show for a 2 count. Kane goes up top as Big Show staggers to his feet. Kane hits his top rope clothesline but only gets a 2. Kane signals for the Chokeslam as Team Rhodes Scholars re-appear and slowly make their way down to the ring. Kane is distracted and turns round to get knocked out by Show for the win.
Post-match, Team Rhodes Scholars beat down Bryan. They roll him in the ring and Rhodes hits Cross Rhodes on Bryan. Both men look pleased with their work as they walk off, happy that their message has been sent. Sandow screams You're Welcome! as they make their way up the ramp.
Backstage, Santino is chatting with AJ
Santino: If it's any consulation, I think you did a very good job, and you will be missed.
AJ: Thank you
John Cena turns up and Santino leaves.
John Cena: If there is ever anything you need, if there is anything I can do for you, you let me know.
AJ: I can't believe any of this. I know there are a lot of things I've done that I should've been fired for and I said that out there, but not for this. They say I was fratenising. John, Vickie said I had n affair.
John Cena: Yeah and you just let it go. She's said that. I';m just, right off the top of your head,m she said you were seeing somebody, give me a name, I'll go in the locker room, I'll get 'em., we'll get their side of the story, then it'll become 'he said', 'she said' and it's all allegations, and nothing means nothing and you get your job back you just gave up out there
AJ: John. It was you.
John Cena: Wait, what?
AJ: That's why when the board asked me to resign I didn't fight it, okay, I didn't want to drag your name into it
John Cena: Drag my name into it? Oh, you're talking about that business dinner we had? It was business. Yeah, friends. Business friends. How can they make something outta that?
AJ: I don't know but they did and they went to the board and we're in the situation now and it's just a mess. I think it was Vickie Guerrero. I'm sorry, I didn't want it to get to this and it's a mess now and I don't know how to deal -
Cena comforts her with a hug.
John Cena: Don't worry, I'm gonna take care of it. I'll take care of it.
Ad break 12.
Cena is backstage and finds Vince getting into his care.
Cena: Woah, woah. Let me get this straight. Vickie Guerrero comes to you with some bogus story about AJ and myself and not only do you believe it but you give her AJ's job?
VKM: John this is not the time or place to discuss this, okay?
Cena: Hey, enough of the corporate BS. Man to man, what happened?
VKM: There was some incriminating evidence, okay if --
Cena: Incriminating evidence - a business dinner? You've never had a business dinner?
VKM: All I can tell ya as far as this is concerned, I mean, you've got a situation where if it wasn't this it would be something else. AJ was on probation, c'mon. It was a matter of time.
Cena: What about Vickie?
VKM: In all likelihood it is some sort of interim kind of thing, she's the managing supervisor, I don't know what that means myself. Look, it is what it is.
Vince gets in the car and leaves.
ADR is out next, introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez. Zack Ryder is his opponent. ADR instantly beats the shite out of Ryder and shoves him in the corner. Hard kick and a slap followed by stomps to the back of Ryder's head. Ryder fights back with forearms and punches but ADR puts him down with a snap suplex. 2 count. Crowd are behind Ryder as he eats a kick to the face from ADR. ADR works on Ryder's arm. Ryder bounces ADR off the ropes and goes for a sunset pin but to no avail. ADR kicks Ryder in the face for a 2 followed by an armbar. Ryder fights back with forearms but gets a headbutt from ADR. Ryder knocks ADR down with clotheslines and sets ADR up for the Broski Boot, which misses and Ryder is crotched on the ropes. ADR ties Ryder's arm up in the rope and kicks the crap out of it. He then slaps on the Cross Armbreaker and it doesn't take long for Ryder to tap. ADR keeps it on for a little while, just for good measure.
Post-match
ADR: You like that, Randy?! Huh?! Huh Randy, tell me! Tell me! I'm going to cut your head off at Hell in a Cell, you little snake!
He slaps the Cross Armbreaker on Ryder again and Rodriguez holds the mic to ADR's mouth as he shouts some stuff. Then Rodriguez repeatedly shouts ADR.
Cena barges into Vickie's office backstage.
Cena: We need to talk.
Vickie: Can I help you, John?
Cena: Can you help me? Cut the crap.
Vickie: Hold on do not barge into my office and talk to me this way. May I remind you that I am the managing supervisor
Cena: You.. are a lot of things, but I will call you a backstabbing liar and that is being polite
Vickie: Do not give me attitude because your little girlfriend AJ cannot seperate business from pleasure
Cena: Vickie, it was a business dinner. It was nothing more than that and you know it. You cost that girl her job, that's a job she loved
Vickie: John, perception is reality and the reality is you asked AJ out on a date on Raw and you ended up having dinner with her. The reality is AJ got what she deserved. The reality is you costed AJ her job.
Cena, realising he may in fact be a dumbass, walked off. Main event next.
Matthews backstage:
Josh: Ladies and gentlemen please welcome Mr. money in the bank, Dolph Ziggler. Dolph you look as confident as ever you've gotta be happy about your victory earlier tonight against Daniel Bryan.
Ziggler: Of course I am, obviously Josh c'mon but,m what's with the whole AJ thing. It's really gonna put a damp on my entire evening, I always thought she was a good egg but you can't put your hands on people, especially Vickie Guerrero And you know she's been fratenising with superstars. And even tonight she attacked Vickie Guerrero again. You can't have actions without consequences Josh. But at the end of the day there's only really one person who's to blame for all this - John Cena. I hope he's real happy with what he's done with himself. You would've thought AJ would have better taste, y'know?
#
There was a promo about Ryback. Heyman and POunk are watching it backstage
Heyman: Whatever you do, don't let that get into your head
Punk: It's not in my head, alright?
Heyman: No you're the best in the world
Punk: Did I say I wasn't the best in the world? Alright but this is the kind of disrespect i've been talking about for months. We're 6 days out from Hell in a Cell and I get thrown in a Champion vs Champion Lumberjack match? Only been a couple hours but I'm already missing AJ.
Heyman: Don't think about AJ. Don't even worry about Sheamus, you're going to defeat Sheamus. Here's what I know in life. Nest monday when raw goes on the air live, everyone is going to be faced with the facts. The facts that at Hell in a Cell you defeat Ryback. The fact that you are still, next Monday, the reigning, defending WWE Champion, and the fact that you, CM Punk, are the best in the world.
Punk looks determined thanks to the pep talk. Ad break 13(?)
Punk enters first, the rest of the roster are around the ring. Sheamus enters next. Here we go.
Punk throws kicks but as warnings before they tie up. Waist lock by Punk. Sheamus turns it around and takes unk down. Punk wit ha front headlock gets pushed to the corner byu Sheamus. Sheamus backs off at the request of the ref and they start again. They go to lock hands to test their strength and Punk hits a kick to the gut and throws Sheamus out the ring. Sheamus stares the lumberjacks down and re-enters the ring, as they do nothing. Punk goes to kick Sheamus but Sheamus grabs his foot, spins him around and lands an Atomic Drop before shoving Punk out the ring. Ooh! REGAL! I LOVE YOU REGAL! The Lumberjacks shove Punk in who gets dropped by Sheamus. Sheamus weith knee drops and a cover of 1. Sheamus with an arm wrench into a headlock takedown. Punk pushes Sheamus into the corner and fights out with headbutts to the gut. Punk brings Sheamus out, bounces him off the ropes and delivers another headbutt to the midsection. Punk goes for a neckbreaker but Sheamus shoves him away and hits a shoulderblock. Scoop slam followed by Elbow Drop by Sheamus for a 2 count. Sheamus wrenches Punk's arm back and Punk fights out, but gets clotheslined out the ring. The Lumberjacks shove Punk back in. Sheamus gives Punk a back breaker and 2 count. Punk on the apron gets the ten clubbing blows from Sheamus. Punk gives Sheamus a stunner using the ropes followed by a springboard clothesline. Punk throws Sheamus out and the lumberjacks beat the crap out of him before throwing him back in the ring as Punk covers for a 2. Ad break 14.
Back with Punk giving Sheamus a headlock, who pushes Punk to the corner and beats him down with punches to the gut and elbows to the back of the head. Off the ropes Punk gives Sheamus a kick and a cover of 2. Anaconda Vice style hold by Punk. Haha, that was great. Big Show is standing by the announcers and Cold mentioned Big Show's last reign of 45 seconds. Show slammed the table and made Cole shit himself. Sheamus gets Punk up for White Noise but yet again Punk throws Sheamus out again. A brawl ensues as the lumberjacks try to get him back in the ring. They calm down as Punk gives Sheamus a neckbreaker. He follows it up from the top rope as he connects with a double ax handle. Punk goes up again for a second double ax handle. Punk up a third time (this clearly won't work), goes for it but gets punched in the gut by Sheamus. More shots to the mid-section and head as Sheamus bounces off the ropes to eat a knee from Punk, followed by a kick to the back. Punk with a Scoop Slam, goes back up top again. Randy Savage Elbow was intended but Punk jumps down and gives a standard elbow. That was funny. Punk goes for a cover but Sheamus kicks out. Headlock by Punk on Sheamus. Sheamus hits his double ax handles as Punk comes off the rope. He follows it with a clothesline in the corner and the rolling senton. Sheamus again goes for the 10 clubbing blows, which all connect this time, followed by a suplex into the ring for a 2 count. Sheamus with a shoulder block, goes for his knee but is met with a heel kick from CM Punk. Punk goes for the knee to the corner but Sheamus picks him for White Noise. Punk rolls out, Sheamus goes for the Cloverleaf, Punk kicks Sheamus who is sent to the corner and Punk hits his knee followed by a clothesline and 2 count. Punk goes back up top as Sheamus makes his way up and meets Punk with punches. Sheamus goes for a Superplex, which he hits. Just noticed Mason Ryan. Punk kicks out at 2. Sheamus goes for the Irish Curse Backbreaker but Punk counters with elbows. Punk goes for the GTS but Sheamus counters with elbows himself. Punk gives Sheamus a drop toe hold into the turnbuckle and rolls him up for 2. Punk floors Sheamus with a kick to the back of the head for another 2 count. Punk goes up yet again, shouts best in the world, before going for the Randy Savage Elbow, but misses. Sheamus hits his Irish Curse Backbreaker for a 2 count. Sheamus goes for the Cloverleaf, but Punk holds Sheamus's legs to block it. Punk shoves him off, Sheamus charges Punk but Punk pulls the top rope down, sending Sheamus over. Sheamus thrashes at the lumberjacks and makes his way back in the ring, as he hits White Noise on Punk. Sheamus sets up for the Brogue Kick, but Cesaro enters the ring. Cesaro gets Brogue kicked, as does Jinder Mahal. Sheamus goes to Brogue Kick Punk, who ducks and Sheamus gets grabbed by Big Show, who chokeslams him. The ref didn't see, although I'm pretty sure it's no DQ. Punk gets the pin, and immediately Ryback's music hits. Ryback marches down as Punk looks on in horror. The lumberjacks part ways allowing Ryback to enter the ring. Punk runs, but the lumberjacks hold him and throw him in the ring. Backbreaker and pumphandle slam by Ryback. Punk tries to run again but is thrown back in, and eats a powerbomb. Again Punk tries to run and again is thrown back in. Ryback lifts Punk up and throws him out of the ring and onto the heel lumberjacks. Heyman shows up and ushers Punk away, as Ryback's music hits, standing tall in the ring, chanting feed me more.
That's pretty much it for this Raw. I thought it was really good, actually. I'm completely typed out. I'm not sure if it was worth doing it in that much detail, but if it was of good value to anyone, great! I dunno if I'll do the same next week. Let me know in the comments or follow me on twitter! Thanks for reading. Follow @jbrinkleyreview
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